


The Long Road

by LordofRedSands



Category: Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types, DC Animated Universe, Nightwing (Comics), Young Justice (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Flashbacks, Hurt/Comfort, Post-Season 2, References to Depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-30
Updated: 2017-06-18
Packaged: 2018-11-06 16:49:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 12
Words: 43,638
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11040267
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LordofRedSands/pseuds/LordofRedSands
Summary: In the aftermath of Wally's death, Dick chooses to take a step back from his life as a hero.His friends. His family. He leaves it all behind, not because he wants to, but because he knows he needs to.No one will understand what Dick knows in his heart: the only way he can honor his best friend's memory, the only way back for him from Wally's death, is to answer his best friend's unspoken question. Without the mask, who is Dick Grayson?





	1. Culmination

**Author's Note:**

> Howdy folks. This is a story that's been bouncing around my head for a while. Having recently discovered that they're making a third season of this amazing show (Praise be to God), I thought I'd share my take on Season 2's aftermath with you. Hope you enjoy.

**Santa Prisca**

**June 19th, 2016**

**00:16 ECT**

 

“Kaldur, this has been a good night.” Dick said reassuringly, placing his escrima sticks back into his leg holster as he walked over to where Kaldur stood. “Maybe the best we’ve had since the three of us took off for Cadmus five plus years ago.” 

 

He lifted his hand and placed it reassuringly on Kaldur’s shoulder, but his Atlantean friend still looked troubled.

 

Wally stepped forward as well, leaning on Kaldur’s other shoulder. “C’mon, enjoy the moment my friend. You’ve earned it.”

 

Kaldur finally nodded, but turned his head to glance back at Black Manta, still sprawled out and unconscious in the pool of water behind them. Dick frowned as he noted his comrade’s discomfort, but Wally gave him a quick smile. 

 

It was a good smile, a genuine smile. It was one that said, “ _I know. But we can deal with it_.”

 

Dick immediately felt relieved. Although the two of them hadn’t had a “falling out” in the strictest sense of the term, things had been undeniably tense between the two of them ever since Dick had asked Artemis to go undercover in order to help Kaldur infiltrate the Light. 

 

On more than one occasion since, when Dick had delivered status updates to Wally, things had gotten heated. Wally, worried out of his mind for Artemis’ safety, lashed out at the only person he could. Most of the time, Dick bore his friend’s rage in silence. Sometimes, he yelled back. In the back of his mind, Dick feared that even if he had managed to bring Artemis back safely, Wally would still never forgive him for sending her into danger in the first place.

 

It wasn’t just regret about the state his relationship with his best friend that had taken its toll though. With Batman gone, he’d been forced to cover for his off-world mentor, while also handling the analytical and strategic work his mentor usually handled for the entire Justice League, and his duties as the Team’s leader. 

 

It was overwhelming to fulfill all of those responsibilities alone, with no one on the Team he could turn to for help. 

 

Once, when he had been younger and more naive, he would have gladly taken the job as leader of the team. Batman had always made it seem so effortless, so glorious. 

And then he had experienced first hand the weight of the responsibility that leadership brought. His friends went from being partners to being his subordinates: their lives were in his hands. He was forced to balance the necessity of sending them into danger with the desire to keep them safe. Bitter experience with Jason had driven the point home that one wrong move and death was the most likely result. 

 

There were so many times he wanted to drop the ruse, reveal his and Aqualad’s plan to the rest of their friends, or to Batman or one of the other senior leaguers. But the more people who knew the more likely their plan would have failed; anyone who knew the truth might have inadvertently cast suspicion on Kaldur by holding back in a fight, or had the truth unwillingly ripped from their mind by a psychic individual like Psimon. 

 

And so, as Nightwing, he had been forced to mostly sequester himself and bear his burden in silence.A year and a half of keeping secrets, telling lies and weaving elaborate webs of deception had taken their tollon him mentally and physically.

 

Now that things were over though, Dick felt like he could finally breathe. His plan had worked.

 

The sense of relief was overwhelming. He looked forward to being able to re-connect with his best friend, and going back to the easy days of stopping small-time criminals and doomsday cults, rather than multi-galactic conspiracies. 

 

There would undoubtedly be some tough conversations to come with the people he’d kept in the dark. He found himself looking forward to it though; he could finally stop lying to his friends. He could move out from the shadow of Jason’s passing, and work things out with Barbara. He could fix the mess that his life had become in the last few months. 

 

Dick returned Wally’s smile before he looked up at the open night sky above him. He knew that there were still things to be done: informing the UN so that the Reach could be kicked off-world, exonerating the Justice League with the evidence they had gathered tonight, to name a few. 

 

_“_ Not to break up the mood here boys,” Artemis said, walking to stand beside Wally in their loose circle. “but one of us should probably tell the League that I’m actually still alive, and I really don’t want it to be me.”

 

“Not it!” Wally called out. Before Dick or Kaldur could react, Wally had plucked the enchanted jewel containing their newly gathered evidence from Artemis’ hand and deposited it in Dick’s, picked up his girlfriend in a bridal carry, and sped off. 

 

Dick grinned openly at his friend’s display. 

 

“She’s right though.” he said, holding up the crystal to the light so he could examine it. “We should get this back to the Watchtower ASAP. The sooner we can get Batman, Superman, and the rest of them back from Rimbor, the better.”

 

“After that, all that’s left is to kick the Reach off of Earth, and that’s it. We win.”

 

 

**June 20th**

**North Magnetic Pole**

**14:10 UTC**

 

Just over a day. That’s how long his newfound hope had lasted. 

 

In a way, it was painfully ironic. When Dick’s parents had died, the whole thing had been a blur to his 8 year old self, with only bits and pieces of that fateful night still left in his memory. 

 

In contrast, Dick could recall each and every one of the hours that had passed since their raid on Santa Prisca with perfect clarity. 

 

The first hours had gone quickly, with a variety of things taking place in quick succession. The Team had flown to the nearest Zeta Tube from Santa Prisca in the Bio Ship and S-Cycle, racing to get their evidence back to the Watchtower as quickly as possible. 

 

Despite the initial shock and confusion the Team’s arrival en masse had caused, Captain Atom had moved quickly, calling the UN together so that he could present the proof the Team had gathered to the international community. Before he’d taken the Zeta tube down to the planet’s surface, Captain Atom had left Aqualad and Nightwing behind to formulate a plan of attack on the Reach mothership. 

 

From their position on the watchtower,Kaldur and Dick monitored the situation in shifts, ready to act in case the Reach did not choose to leave peacefully. 

 

Surprisingly, now that Artemis was finally safe, there hadn’t been mass outrage from the Team or the League, as he’d originally expected. In truth, most of the anger that was directed at him for sending Kaldur and Artemis into danger in the first place had been forgiven by successfully bringing them out of it. 

 

Owing to his role as Batman’s former protege, most of the League took the news that Nightwing had deceived them about Artemis and Kaldur in stride. Similarly, many of the younger and newer members of the Team, like Jaime or Cassie, trusted both him and his judgement completely. The fact that his precautions had stopped the Reach from discovering his plan when Blue Beetle had been unwittingly turned, and the fact that things had gone well during the raid had only cemented their belief that Nightwing had made the correct decision in sending one of their own undercover. 

 

In the end, only three people chose to confront him while they waited. The first two were Zatanna and Rocket, the only two members of the old Team left who hadn’t originally known the truth, or had it revealed to them in the preceding weeks like Connor and M’gann. 

 

Zatanna, eyes full of both tears, had slapped him so hard that he’d worn a palm print for the rest of the day. As the force of the slap sent him reeling, she followed up with a hug so strong that it drove most of the air from his lungs. 

 

“I’m sorry.” He whispered to her as she cried. He stroked her hair and rubbed her back soothingly. “I’m sorry.”

 

The worst of the anger had come from Barbara. As soon as he’d formulated an assault plan with Kaldur, Barbara had taken him aside and calmly, but firmly, asked him not why he’d lied, but why he’d come up with the plan in the first place. Dick knew it was a lost cause, but he’d tried to explain. 

 

Like with Zatanna, Dick wanted to say that he was just doing what had to be done. That he was sorry. That he would do anything to make it up. But he never got the chance. 

 

“I want to know what the hell made you think this was your job to do.” Barbara had said, glaring at him with barely contained fury. “Who turned you into Batman’s clone?”

 

Her words killed any intent he had at defending his actions, because he knew she was right. He accepted it, knowing that her anger was part of the price he’d paid in order to make sure his plan succeeded, and that his friends were safe. 

 

As it became clear that the Reach would not respect the 24 hour deadline to leave that the UN had set for them, Aqualad called the Team into action. While Watchtower systems had detected the abnormal weather patterns, the imminent assault on the Reach ship meant that the weather hadn’t been at the forefront of anyone’s mind. 

 

Everything changed with the information Blue Beetle had managed to scour from Black Beetle’s mind. The League scrambled, and everyone had been called to stop the MFD threat. Nightwing had gone into battle against Reach drones in Hong Kong, alongside B'arzz O’oomm. 

 

Defeating the drones and using Luthor’s virus to stop the MFD’s had been so quick, so easy, that Dick’s hope had surged in those last fateful hours. Even once he’d returned to the Watchtower and discovered the hidden 21st MFD alongside his teammates, he’d remained hopeful.

 

He knew that the Team could still stop this. They could still save the Earth and win.

 

It was those last moments he remembered the most clearly; watching the holographic map as the blips representing Wally and Impulse approached the arctic, turning around in time to catch a glimpse of Wally sprinting through the Zeta Tube once Luthor had theorized how to stop the energy chrysalis. 

 

His position on the Watchtower allowed him to reach the arctic with Artemis, M’gann and the others in time to witness the end; they’d dropped directly from orbit in the bio-ship, allowing gravity to speed their descent.

 

As he emerged from the ship once it touched down, the swirling mass of energy that threatened to tear the Earth apart slowly diminished right before his eyes as a direct result of the three speedster’s collective efforts. 

 

Despite everything, he never saw his friend die. All he’d seen was a flash of lightning that emanated from the energy vortex lash out and appear to bounce off the ice. Then another. And another. 

 

At the time, he thought that the energy discharge had been a good thing. 

 

Once the vortex had dissipated completely, those of them who’d come in the bio-ship had moved forward together. 

 

He saw it first; there were only two speedsters left standing on the arctic ice, not three. Where M’gann and Kaldur had leapt forward to congratulate their Teammates, Dick had kept his silence; the first cracks in his resolve appeared. He stood back, hoping that his fears would be proven wrong.

 

They weren’t. The expressions that Flash and Impulse wore told him everything that he needed to know. Seeing Artemis collapse in her grief shattered what remained of his hope. 

 

This was no victory. All of his effort, all of his sacrifices. All for nothing.

 

Wally was dead.


	2. Memorial

**Palo Alto, California**

**February 20th, 2016**

**7:48 PM, PST**

 

_“Hey Wally, thanks for meeting with me on such short notice.” Dick said, wiping his feet on the doormat before closing the door behind him. He was wearing his civilian clothes over his uniform for this meeting._

 

_“You wouldn’t have called if it wasn’t important.” Wally smiled and hugged his friend in greeting. Dick returned the gesture, though his face remained pensive and drawn. They made their way over to the living room to sit down, with both friends scratching Brucely’s ears affectionately as they passed. “Artemis should be back soon, if you want to wait.”  
_

_“No,” Dick sighed as he sat down. “You need to hear this on your own first.” He didn’t want to do this. But it couldn’t wait any longer. “I need her to come back, Wally.”_

 

_Wally’s face was uncomprehending. “Who?”_

 

_“Artemis. I need her back for a mission.”_

 

_The speedster’s eyes narrowed in suspicion. “What kind of mission.”_

 

_There was no way he was going to lie to Wally about the stakes. “The dangerous kind. There’s no easy way to say it, so I’m just gonna put it out there. Kaldur isn’t a traitor, Wally. He’s been working undercover to infiltrate the Light for months.”_

 

_“What?” Wally replied in shock._

 

_“I sent him undercover to work for Black Manta.” Dick said matter of factly. “No one else except Batman knew the truth. He’s been gathering intel, trying to determine what we’re up against. But we’ve hit a wall. The Light doesn’t trust him yet. They’re taking their time, keeping him away from anything too important. We need to get them to trust him faster. That’s where Artemis comes in.”_

 

_Dick activated the holographic computer he always wore, using it to display the Cape Canaveral launch site. “There’s going to be an attack on the Ferris Industries Comm Sat next month. I need Artemis to be there so that we can fake her death. If Aqualad pretends to kill her, he will earn the Light’s trust.”_

 

_Despite the fact that he could be amazingly dense sometimes, Wally wasn’t stupid. He grasped the implications of Dick’s plan immediately. His eyes narrowed. “That’s not all you’re asking her to do. If you fake her death, there’s no way she can resurface without giving away the secret. You’re asking her to put her life on hold indefinitely.”_

 

_“I know.” Dick said solemnly. “After she “dies”, I have a plan for getting her to into the Light as well, so that she can back up Aqualad while they’re both undercover.”_

Wally’s expression was murderous. “Let me get this straight.” His voice was low. It only got that way when he was full of anger, and trying to contain it. “You want me to let you take my girlfriend and send her back into extreme danger, and force her to live the exact kind of life she spent years trying to escape, for god knows how long.” 

_He looked at his friend desperately. ”There’’s no one else on the Team that I can trust to do this Wally. No one else has the background or the training to remain above suspicion like she can."_ _Dick sighed. He’d known Wally would react badly to the truth of what he’d been planning. “Look, you’re my friend, and if you think I wanted to put you in this position, then you’re crazy.” He said heatedly. He felt his anger growing. Wally had been one of the four, one of the original sidekicks. If anyone could understand what was at stake, it should’ve been him. “I know how hard you guys have tried to leave this all behind you, but the situation has changed. We’re under attack! You’re don’t get to j-”_

 

_Faster than he could blink, Dick found himself yanked out of the chair he’d been sitting in by the front of his shirt and slammed into the wall behind him. A spiderweb of cracks appeared in the wall from the force of the blow._

 

_Wally held him several inches off the ground, one arm pinning Dick by the throat, the other hand grasping a fistful of his shirt. “How dare you.” he growled. “You don’t get to tell me what Artemis and I deserve. If you were my friend, you’d get that.”_

 

_He leaned in so that they were face to face. “Stay away from her, Dick. I don’t want you to mention a word of this to her, ever.”_

 

_Dick’s frustration boiled over. He lifted his legs and used the wall as an anchor, placing the soles of his shoes onWally’s stomach and pushing him away using his legs. He’d pulled the force of the blow so that it would knock Wally back, rather than hurt him and sending him flying._

 

_“It’s not your choice Wally.” Dick said hoarsely, rubbing his throat. “I asked her first. She already said yes.”_

 

_Wally he trembled with anger as he regained his balance. “Get out.” He whispered. Dick made no move to leave, hoping in vain that his friend would understand. “Get out!” Wally seized a mug that had been on the table and threw it at Dick._

 

_Despite the short distance and incredible speed of the makeshift projectile, Dick managed to dodge it. It shattered into a million pieces as it hit the wall._

 

_Wally still looked angry, but also slightly ashamed at what he’d just done. Even if it was just a mug, at the speed it had been thrown, it might have done some serious damage to Dick if it hit him in his unprotected head._

 

_Silently, Dick walked towards the door. Neither friend looked at each other. He let himself out._

 

_Artemis was waiting for him when he emerged. She leaned against his bike. “How did he take it?” She asked softly._

 

_“Not well.” Dick rubbed the back of his neck._

 

_She exhaled. “I was afraid of that.” She pushed herself off the bike, moving to walk up the stairs and back into her home. “I’ll talk him around. I’ll be in contact in a few days.”_

 

_He nodded in acknowledgement, hopping onto his bike and pulling his riding helmet on. “Artemis.” He called out. She turned to look at him, already halfway up the stairs. “Tell him…for what it’s worth, I’m sorry.”_

 

**The Watchtower**

**June 28** ** th ** **, 2016**

**12:34 PM, EST**

The Team and the League gathered together in silence. In the atrium that served as the Watchtower’s Hall of Remembrance, Nightwing and Aqualad assembled the holographic pedestal that would serve as a memorial to their fallen friend. 

 

As Dick finished his task of connecting the projector to the Watchtower’s power grid, he turned his head to look at Artemis, who stood to the side quietly. Her eyes were downcast, and she wore a pensive expression on her face. 

 

He was worried about her, how she was dealing with everything. He was having an incredibly rough time of things, and given the nature of the relationship she and Wally had shared, he knew things could only be worse for her. 

 

From the way M’Gann and Barbara were hovering close by to her, Dick knew he wasn’t the only one worried. He knew the girls had taken it upon themselves to watch over her, with each one of them taking it in turns to stay with Artemis out in Palo Alto, so that she wasn’t alone at night. 

 

He’d gone to check on her several times himself, though he’d only observed the house from the outside, from afar. Dick couldn’t bring himself to enter the home that Wally and Artemis had shared; just being near it had threatened to overwhelm him with guilt. The closest he had managed to get to their house was the driveway.

 

Based on the bits and pieces that he’d overheard from Raquel and M’gann, she was coping well, though it was clear Artemis was still in mourning. The girls all still watched her closely. Just the day before, she’d attended the small private funeral Wally’s parents had held for their son. With Wally having been disintegrated by pure kinetic energy, they’d had to bury an empty coffin.

 

“Artemis.” Kaldur called to her as he closed the panels he’d been working on. “It is time.”

 

Her eyes snapped up, and after a moment’s hesitation, she stepped forward to the base of the memorial. At the same time, Dick and Kaldur stepped back. This honor was reserved for her. Working slowly but surely, Artemis keyed the activation button on the side of the holographic pedestal, causing the monument to light up. 

 

Dick’s breath caught in his throat as the image of his best friend flickered into life, joining the silent vigil of the other three heroes around him. 

 

Ted Kord. Blue Beetle. An ordinary man like Dick, who had died ensuring that the Blue Beetle didn’t fall into the hands of the Light. In the end, his sacrifice had saved the world through his successor, Jaime Reyes. 

 

Tula. Aquagirl. Kaldur’s true love, who had died protecting the people of the surface world from an ancient alien super weapon. He knew that deep down, both Kaldur and Garth would never really move past her death. It was her loss that had prompted Kaldur to agree to Dick’s high risk infiltration plan in the first place; the Atlantean had felt that, with Tula gone, there was nothing left for him to lose. 

 

Jason Todd. Robin. His brother, who died stopping another of Ra’s Al Ghul’s many plans to cull the human race. 

 

The rush of emotions was overwhelming, and he forced himself to exhale as he pushed those thoughts away.

 

Artemis stood tall for a moment, tears streaming silently down her face. After a moment, the stream became a flood, and before long she was forced to press her hands to her eyes in an effort to stem the flow. M’gann stepped forward, taking Artemis by the shoulders and and leading her back to where the some members of the Team were standing.

 

Traditionally, no one gave long speeches at these memorials. Everyone was welcome to say a few words, but based on empirical evidence from last few years, heroes at the funerals of their colleagues tended to be terse. Attendance at the memorial wasn’t mandatory, or even expected. Everyone was free to process their feelings and loss their own way.

 

Distracted as he was, he didn’t notice that Zatanna had worked her way over to stand beside him. Without taking her eyes from the display, she grasped his hand and linked fingers with him, supporting him with her presence instead of words. He couldn’t feel the warmth of her hand through the padding of his gloves, but the pressure was reassuring. He gave her hand a thankful squeeze as he watched the Flash step forward to address the assembled heroes.

 

When Jason died, Dick and Bruce had avoided the Watchtower for weeks, and the memorial had taken place without them. This time, Dick forced himself to attend. Being with the Team that he, Wally, and Kaldur had co-founded in order to say goodbye felt right.

 

Dick was so lost in his thoughts that he didn’t even hear the Flash speak about his nephew, or Aqualad’s remarks afterward. He knew people expected him to speak, but when the time came, he made no move to step forward. What could he say to make sense of such a huge loss? 

 

Before long, the speeches were over, and everyone started to disperse. The first to leave were people who hadn’t known Wally as well, Leaguers like Black Lightning or the Atom who’d never worked alongside the former speedster, but came to show their respect for him. They were followed by Wally’s former teammates, members of the Team who’d joined in the Team’s later years, right before the young speedster’s retirement.

 

Among the last to leave were Wally’s family and friends, those who’d known and worked alongside him for years. M’Gann helped guide Artemis away from the memorial, with Connor, Kaldur and Raquel following close behind. 

 

Zatanna stayed with him at first, blue eyes searching his face for a clue to his thoughts. While he found her presence soothing, Dick knew that Artemis would need her more than he did at the moment. Just meeting her eyes was enough for her to understand his thoughts. She smiled sadly and gave him a chaste kiss on the cheek before following the rest of the Team away from the clearing, leaving him alone. 

 

He stood in the empty field for what felt like hours, gazing at the memorials of his fallen teammates, and the world that they’d died to protect. His sadness and anger built into a crescendo, and he felt compelled to speak to the one person he knew would still be there.

 

“It’s not fair.” He said out loud, not bothering to turn around. Most people would have assumed that Dick was speaking to the holograms, but they would have been wrong.

 

Silently, Batman emerged from the shadows of a tree and walked forward to stand beside his former protege. “It never is.” His mentor said sadly.

 

“I know you feel responsible for Wally’s death, but the fact is, your plan to infiltrate the Light spared the Earth from a horrible fate under the Reach’s control. The cost was high, but you and I know that it was a price worth paying for all the lives that were saved.”

 

“I know.” Nightwing sighed, still looking at Wally’s image. One life for an entire planet. The math was clear. “I just wish things had turned out different.” 

 

Dick clenched his fists at his sides as he remembered the loss of his family, the trauma he’d experienced as a child that had set him down the path that had led him here, to this moment.

 

“Bruce,” he began hesitantly. “Back when you swore me in ten years ago, you told me that this would be hard, that there would be days that would test me. I’ve sacrificed so much because I knew that what we were fighting for was right. I’ve tried to be the man you wanted me to be, that I should be, but…” 

 

Dick’s voice wavered as he turned and finally gave voice to the thoughts that had been plaguing him since Wally had died. “I’m afraid. Bruce, I… I don’t think I can do this anymore.” 

 

He was on the verge of tears as looked Batman’s impassive face. He was afraid that he’d disappointed his mentor, somehow wounded Batman by admitting his own loss of resolve.

 

“I understand.” Batman said, and despite the masks that they wore, Dick could see that it was true. There was weariness in his mentors voice, a fatigue that came from fighting the never-ending fight, that only Dick could empathize with. “I understand completely.”

 

To his credit, Batman didn’t even hesitate before reaching out to take his son by the shoulder. “Dick. It’s time to come home.”

 

 

 

 


	3. Acceptance

_“Stop it, KF.” Dick said through the psychic link, gripping the front his friend’s costume to keep him from J’onn’s throat. “I’ve been scanning for League and Team signals since we got inside. They’re not here. Artemis is gone.”_

 

_He let go and turned his back on Wally’s crestfallen expression. With so much at stake, he couldn’t afford to let himself get distracted._

 

_“But our mission still holds purpose: to destroy this mothership.”_

 

_Dick led the way forward, towards the power readings his wrist computer had detected. Reluctantly, with a grunt of barely contained anger, Kid Flash followed._

_————————————————————————————————————_

 

_“This is the power core. Blow this and the whole mothership blows.” Dick sent to his companions. Once they’d accomplished that, a significant portion of the alien’s strength would be destroyed. Any heroes who came after that could take it from there._

 

_“You knew.” Wally’s disbelief resonated in their link. Dick ignored his friend’s statement, too busy setting the timers on the high explosives that he’d brought with in with him. “You knew from the beginning why we were really here.”_

 

_Dick gave his friend a look. Of course he knew. From everything they’d seen, it was clear that the invaders weren’t interested in subjugation, but conquest. Pragmatism dictated that any super-powered individuals who could give their forces trouble would be eliminated, rather than contained._

 

_The truth had been evident from the beginning; this was a suicide mission, not a rescue. Dick said none of this. “Four minutes. Let’s go.”_

 

_M’gann and the Martian Manhunter lifted them up from the power core and carried them back to the entryway they’d come through. The four of them made their way back to the exterior of the ship as fast as they could._

 

_They caught sight of the outside, right before having the alien blast doors close in their face. “Perfect.” Kid Flash thought._

 

_Dick grabbed Wally and dove for cover as they were fired at by alien drones. “16 seconds and counting.”_

 

 _He’d entertained the hope that they’d be able to make it away in time, but it becoming clear that escape was no longer an option. It was time to cut their losses. “Manhunter, take Miss Martian and go.”_  
  
_“No!” Megan’s voice was defiant. “We won’t leave you!”_

 

_“That’s an order!” Even as he said it, he knew that it wouldn’t convince M’Gann to leave. ”We’ll follow as soon as we blow those doors.” he lied._

 

_Reluctantly, M’gann followed her uncle away from the ship, leaving Kid Flash and Dick crouching behind their makeshift cover. Only 10 seconds left before the charges blew._

 

_Dick met Wally’s eyes. The look in his friend’s eyes told him that KF had finally caught on to what he was doing. And accepted it. In the end, Dick was grateful for that._

 

_Silently, the two friends charged the aliens, determined to spend their last few seconds fighting._

 

_The duo fought side by side for mere seconds before they were ripped apart by the explosion that destroyed the mothership._

 

**Wayne Manor**

**July 2nd, 2016**

**7:12 AM**

 

Dick jerked awake with a gasp. Coming out of the dream left him so disoriented that it took him several seconds to get his bearings. He was back in his old room, at Wayne Manor. 

 

He took a shaky breath as he sat up, head held in his hands, feeling drained and exhausted. Every night since Wally died, he hadn’t been able to sleep. Rather, he had been able to sleep, but was plagued with constant nightmares that left him in a cold sweat. He’d only slept for a few short hours, but recent experience had taught Dick that any attempts at going back to sleep would be futile. 

 

The dream had felt so real, so life-like, that his heart was still pounding in his chest. It took Dick some time to get his breathing under control, as he processed the vivid images he’d seen. He hadn’t thought about that simulation in years, and to have it jump out at him out of the blue like this was unnerving. All of his other nightmares thus far had put him back in the arctic, watching at Wally died, unable to do anything. 

 

After Wally’s memorial, Dick had returned to Wayne Manor and refrained from doing any hero work, seeking to distance himself from the life that had cost him his best friend. 

 

Most of the preparations for leaving had already been put made by Bruce years ago: hidden accounts and false identities for him and his adopted family, ready to be used in case anyone discovered the truth about their secret identities. 

 

The only thing Dick had really needed to do was decide where to go, and when to leave. 

 

The rest of the Team had been called into action alongside the Justice League to ferret out any remaining Reach ships hiding around the world, but it was clear to Dick that the Reach knew it had been defeated. The search was simple, and the few ships they found in hiding had all surrendered without a fight upon being discovered. 

 

There were still hero related responsibilities he had to fulfill, like updating Bruce on several open cases that his mentor had missed while being held on Rimbor, or discussing the Team’s status with Kaldur so that his Atlantean friend knew what to expect as the Team’s new leader, but that was the most Dick allowed himself. 

 

Friends from the League and the Team tried to reach out to him: Barbara and M’gann, of course, along with Rocket, and Dinah. He knew they were trying to see how he was doing, see if they could help him cope somehow. He also knew that they wouldn’t understand.

 

Apart from sending back simple acknowledgements that he’d received their messages, he ignored them. If there was an emergency, Dick would come running, but otherwise he tried to make it clear that he needed his space. 

 

Day to day, he tried to make himself useful by taking care of Wayne-Tech affairs for Bruce and helping Alfred around the house. Of course, Alfred being Alfred, there wasn’t much to do in terms of house keeping or general maintenance around the Manor, but he pitched in where he could. 

 

Dick knew he couldn’t be a real hero again, not with Wally’s death on his conscience, and he didn’t know how to do anything else. 

 

With a grunt, Dick got out of bed and pulled on his workout clothes, figuring that he’d spend a couple hours in the manor’s gym. Some physical exertion would help him clear his head.

 

———————————————————————————————————

 

There were fewer than 10 people in the world who had access to the Zeta Tube located in the Batcave, and Zatanna knew it was a measure of how close her father and Bruce had been that she was one of those trusted few. Ever since her dad had been taken by Dr. Fate, Bruce had revealed his secret identity to her, and made it clear that she was welcome to call upon him for anything that she might need. 

 

While she’d found the idea of staying in Wayne Manor with Bruce and Dick appealing, ultimately she’d decided against it and decided to live at Mount Justice instead. She felt like she’d be giving up on ever recovering her father if she stayed in Gotham. 

 

Still, having been Dick’s girlfriend multiple times over the last six years, she’d spent a fair amount of time at the Manor. Which was why she wasn’t surprised to find Bruce sitting in front of the Bat-computer, fingers steepled in front of his face as he watched the Manor’s security feeds. Alfred stood slightly off to the side behind him.

 

“Zatanna.” Bruce greeted her without turning around. 

 

“Hi Bruce.” Zatanna said as she moved away from the Zeta Tube. “Alfred.” She favored the old butler with a quick peck on the cheek. 

 

“Miss Zatara.” The faithful servant smiled, giving her a slight bow of welcome. “May I offer you something to eat or drink?”

 

“No, I’m fine Alfred. Thanks.” She saw that the camera feed Bruce and Alfred were currently watching was from one of the manor’s training rooms. Dick was training hard on a set of gymnastic rings, sweat pouring off of his face as he held himself suspended in mid-air. “How long has he been at it?”

 

“Hours.” Bruce replied tersely. 

 

She watched the feeds for a few seconds, marveling at the strength and coordination that Dick displayed. “How is he?” 

 

Bruce didn’t answer. He didn’t even turn around. 

 

Key to spending time with any member of the bat-family was the ability to read silence. Having honed her skills over the years, Zatanna knew that this particular stretch of quiet meant that both Bruce and Alfred were worried about Dick. 

 

“Would it be alright if I spoke with him?”

 

Bruce turned and looked at her for a moment. Despite the semi-paternal relationship Bruce had with her, Zatanna felt herself wilt slightly under his appraising stare. 

 

Some unspoken determination was made, and Bruce leaned forward and keyed the manor’s intercom. “Dick,” He said, startling his former protege from his focused state. “Hit the showers and get changed into your civvies. I need you to take care of something for me. I’ll explain when you’re finished.” 

 

“Got it.” Dick dismounted from the rings with a flourish, somersaulting backwards and landing on his feet. “I’ll be ready in 10.”

 

Bruce inclined his head at her, as if to say “Your move.”

 

“Thanks.” Zatanna said, making her way over to the Batcave’s elevator up into the manor. 

————————————————————————————————————

The instant Dick saw who was waiting for him after he’d showered, pulled on his clothes and emerged from his room, he knew that he’d been lead into a trap.

 

Zatanna was standing the in the main foyer of the manor. Instead of the usual vest, coat, and stockings that constituted her crimefighting costume, she was wearing a beautiful sundress, stylish sandals, and a determined look on her face. He considered beating a hasty retreat, but thought better of it. Their history together meant that he knew a losing battle when he saw one.

 

“Hey Zee.” he said, trying to sound enthusiastic about the rough conversation he knew she was there to have.“M’gann send you to check on me?”

 

“Nope.” She replied, crossing her arms. “I came to worry about you all on my own.”

 

Dick gave her a soft smirk. “I’m whelmed by all the attention.”

 

A moment of silence passed between them. Dick watched her warily, as if he knew what she was there for. In contrast, Zee looked at him appraisingly, trying to figure out the best way to engage with the former boy wonder. 

 

“C’mon.” She said finally, linking arms with him and gently pulling him towards the garage. “You look like you haven’t been outside in months.”

 

“Where are we going?” He asked lamely, letting himself be drawn outside. 

 

“You’re taking me out for breakfast.”

 

————————————————————————————————————

“I know this is a stupid question,” Zatanna said as she sat down at a table at the street side cafe Dick had driven them to. She’d ordered for the both of them and waited for the waitress to leave before speaking. “But I think it’s obligatory at this point. How are you doing?”

 

“I’m fine.” Dick said neutrally as he sat down.

  
Zatanna gave him an annoyed look, softened somewhat by her obvious concern. “Dick, please, talk to me. You can’t keep shutting people out. Everyone is worried about you.” She placed a hand on her chest. “ _I’m_ worried about you.”

He met her eyes and sighed. “I’m not fine. I can’t sleep. I don’t eat. I’m in pain. My best friend died, Zee. How do you think I feel?” 

 

Dick felt disgusted with himself as he caught her slightly hurt expression. He hadn’t meant to snap at her. “I’m sorry. I know you’re trying to help.”

 

“How’s Artemis?” he asked.

 

“Artemis is…” Zatanna struggled to find the right word. “Hurting. She tries to put on a tough face about it all, but you can still see how shaken she is.” She met his eyes. “You should see her. Talk to her. I think it would be good for both of you.”

 

“I want to Zee, I really do, but I can’t face her. Seeing her would remind me of Wally, and thinking about Wally…” His voice trailed off as he remembered his friend. “It’s hard enough for me as it is.”

 

“We had so many fights during those months that Artemis was undercover, you know? That’s what’s gonna stay with me for the rest of my life. Not all the years that we had as teammates, or all the good times we had on our own, but that he was angry with me, and that I never got him to forgive me before he died.”

 

“You know that he would have.” Zatanna said softly.

 

“Maybe.” He said ruefully. “Should he have, though? Pulling him and Artemis back into the life?”

 

Zatanna watched him, concern written across her face. She hated seeing him like this.

 

Dick held his head. “I don’t know what I’m doing anymore Zee. When Jason died, the only way I thought I could deal with the pain was to channel it into hero work. To making sure none of you had to make the same sacrifice that he did.” 

 

He took a breath before continuing, trying to force the words out. “Everything I did; lying to you and the Team, bringing Artemis back, I did because I wanted to protect everyone. I almost managed to do it, but then Wally died saving the world, and now it feels like everything I’ve done, everything I sacrificed has been for nothing. It hurts.”

 

She opened her mouth to speak, but he cut her off. 

 

“I know, logically, it wasn’t my fault he died.” He said carefully. “The Reach were going to react badly no matter how we tried to kick them off world. But I’ve spent the last two weeks thinking that if I had done something different… maybe, just maybe, he’d still be alive right now.”

 

“Hey.” Zatanna said sincerely. “I miss him too.” 

 

The two of them were forced to break off their conversation as the waitress returned, furnishing them with their orders, and cups of hot coffee. Perhaps sensing the mood at the table, she worked quickly, and it wasn’t long before they were free to speak again. 

 

“Dick. Look at me.” She said sternly, not liking how despondent he looked. 

 

Despite her insistence, Dick wouldn’t, couldn’t, meet her eyes. She reached out and took one of his hands with hers, placing them both on the table. “It wasn’t for nothing. You know it, and Wally knew it. You and the Team stopped the terrible future that Bart came from, where Earth was under the control of the Reach. It was a terrible price that we had to pay, but Wally knew that it was worth it.” 

 

She sighed. “I know that doesn’t make it better now that he’s gone, but…”

 

“Yeah.” Dick pushed some of the food around on his plate with his free hand, suddenly not hungry anymore. Internally, he was debating whether or not to tell her about his plan to leave. He’d originally planned to leave without a word and hope the rest of the Team understood why he’d left, but now that Zatanna was here… 

 

“Don’t tell anybody,” he said hesitantly. “but I’m going to be taking a leave of absence from the Team.”

 

“You’re leaving the Team?” Zatanna sounded incredulous. “Why? They need you right now, and-“ 

 

“I know, Zee, I know.” Dick cut her off quickly. Once again, he knew what she was going to say. “Wally would’ve wanted me to work through it with you and the rest of the Team.”

 

He took a breath, trying to figure out the best way to explain the combination of logic, guesswork, and instinct that had led to his decision to leave. 

 

“Look, one of the things that Wally always tried to do for me was give me perspective. When we argued, he kept going on and on about how I couldn’t keep taking so much responsibility on my own. He said if I kept doing things this way, I was going to snap. Now that the worst has happened…”

 

Dick shuddered. “He was right. I can’t remember the last time I just had breakfast with a friend, or a conversation longer than 5 minutes that wasn’t about hero work.” He squeezed her hand. “Wally’s death didn’t break me, Zee. I was already broken, and I just didn’t know it. His death just makes things that much worse. I could stay with the Team, but if I do, I know I’ll just go back to doing things the same way. I can’t be the leader everyone wants me to be, and figure out how to put my life back together at the same time. I owe it to Wally to figure out who I am without the mask.” 

 

He met Zatanna’s eyes as he spoke, trying to show her the absolute determination he felt. “I need to go.”

 

Finished, Dick watched her expectantly, waiting for her to argue with him, try to talk him out of it. To his surprise, all he saw when he looked at her was understanding. 

 

“OK.” She said simply, giving his hand a reassuring squeeze. “I understand.” 

 

He was taken aback. “Really?”

 

“Wally wasn’t the only one who was worried about you.” Zatanna admitted sadly. “Even when we were together I knew you were putting yourself under a lot of pressure, but I couldn’t figure out how to help you. That’s why I broke up with you.”

 

Tears began to gather in her eyes. “What I do know is that your sacrifices have made a difference, but they’ve also been killing you, slowly. I can’t watch that happen anymore, Dick. I won’t. I love you too much. ”

 

He gave her a small thankful smile. Gently, he brushed the tears from her face with his thumb before pulling her in for a strong hug. “Look after Artemis for me?”

 

“I will,” Zatanna said, hugging him back fiercely. “But only if you promise to look after yourself. For me, ok?” 

 

“Of course Zee.” He said gratefully. “Anything for you.” 

 

They held on to each other for a long, long time. 

 

————————————————————————————————————

_**The Hall of Justice** _

_**November 26th, 2015** _

_ **10:14 EST** _

_Despite how close she was to Dick, and the Bat-Family in general, Zatanna always felt a sense of unease whenever she was in Batman’s presence. There was just something about the way you could feel him watching at you that gave her the creeps._

 

_Zatanna took a calming breath and she entered the conference room alongside Rocket. Nightwing and Batman stood at the head of the table, with Connor and Megan standing on opposite sides of the room. The five of them had been specifically called in for this meeting._

 

_As she entered, Nightwing addressed her. “Zee, could you close the doors please?”_

 

_She frowned as she keyed the door controls. Closing the doors usually meant secrets. She hated secrets._

 

_Dick took a breath. “Alright, let’s get started.” He said, nodding towards Batman._

 

_Batman was as impassive as ever. “The League has decided to invite all five of you to join the Justice League.” Typical Batman. He wasn’t a man to use five words if one would do._

 

_There was a high-pitched squeal of joy from Rocket, who embraced Megan before turning to face Zatanna. “Alright! Give me five girls! We did it!”_

_  
Dick was smiling as he took in Rocket’s reaction, but Zatanna could see a small twinge of sadness in his voice as he spoke. “Being considered for membership in the League is a great honor, but comes with its own shares of responsibilities, and isn’t a decision to be made lightly. In other words guys, take some time. Sleep on it. We have two weeks before you need to give the League your answers. Batman will answer any questions you have.”_

 

_Zatanna managed to catch up with Dick after the meeting, before he could take the Zeta-tube back to Bludhaven._

 

_“You’re not accepting the invitation, are you?” she said, her words coming out as more of a statement rather than a question._

 

_Dick gave her a smile, but shook his head sadly. “No.”_

 

_“Is this about you and…” Zatanna gave a quick glance over her shoulder to make sure Batman wasn’t in the vicinity. She knew she wouldn’t have seen him if he didn’t want her to, but the act of checking gave her some comfort. “Him?” she said, dropping her voice down to a whisper._

 

_Dick gave her a smile before shaking his head._

 

_“No, actually. He’s fine with me staying on the Team. He likes that one of us is staying in the shadows, doing the work that needs to be done.”_

 

_“Then why aren’t you accepting?” she asked, genuinely curious. When they had been dating, Dick had told her about all of his quiet insecurities about turning into Batman. She knew she didn’t completely understand all the complexities of their dual father-son/crime fighting partner relationship, but surely joining the League as a public figure would have been a step in the right direction for Dick._

 

_“I know I’ve earned it, but, I owe the Team my undivided attention.” Dick shrugged. “It hasn’t even been a year since Robin started, and he needs me around to help him build his confidence. Plus, Cassie’s still getting used to the hero gig, and we’re still thinking about expanding the Team roster.”_

 

_“That’s all?” Zatanna asked, sensing that something was being left unsaid. “You could still be a mentor to all of them as a member of the League.”_

 

_“I won’t lie to you Zee, there’s another reason I can’t leave the Team just yet. I’ve…” he paused as he took in her expression. Her eyes were wide as she listened intently for his explanation. He wanted to tell her about the plan he had developed with Kaldur, so badly._

 

_But he couldn’t._

 

_“Like I said, I’ve still got some things to take care of here. It’s not the right move for me yet. But I don’t want my decision to affect yours.”_

 

_She crossed her arm, as if she was cold, and averted her gaze. Dick resisted the impulse to tilt her head up and kiss her, the way he would’ve if they were still together. He settled for holding her shoulders reassuringly instead. “Should I do it?” she asked quietly._

 

_He shrugged. “Do you want to?”_

 

_She sighed loudly, putting her face in her hands. “I don’t know… I really don’t know.”_

 

_It was subtle, but Dick could see she was truly scared about making a decision either way. This time, he couldn’t help himself. He pulled her into a hug, and she relaxed slightly into his embrace, leaning her head against his chest._

 

_“I can’t make the decision for you, but…” he said a few moments later, when he felt her calm down slightly._

_  
“Mmm?” she mumbled._

 

_Dick was distracted by the smell of her hair. He still missed her, even after all this time. But he had made his choice, and he wouldn’t turn away from that. That didn’t mean he still couldn’t worry about her though. In a way, that was the whole point._

 

_She looked up at him with her eyebrows raised inquisitively, as if reading his mind._

 

_“I think you should join.” He said quickly, hoping that he’d covered the pause. “Joining the League is the right step for you. You’ve done great work as part of the Team, but you’re never gonna be the hero you should be as part of a stealth squad doing the missions the League can’t be seen doing Zee. You’re better than that.”_

 

_Zatanna nodded. Almost guiltily, he felt a surge of relief. By accepting the League’s invitation, she’d be out of the way of any backlash the Team was sure to receive when his plans came to fruition._

 

_“Besides” Dick continued, trying to lighten the mood a little bit. “You’ll get to hang out with Batman a lot more.”_

 

_He laughed as she aimed a playful swipe at his head._


	4. Farewell

**September 5** ** th ** **, 2014**

**Gotham City**

**12:47 AM EST  
Team Year Four**

 

_“Batgirl.” Nightwing said, dropping down into one of Gotham’s many alleyways._

 

_The female vigilante stood triumphantly over what looked like a pair of would be muggers, looking satisfied with herself. In contrast to his more subdued tone, she was clearly excited to see him.“Nightwing.”_

 

_She smiled he landed on the ground next to her. “There you are! I was worried.”_

 

_“We need to talk.” He told her. He pulled out his grapnel launcher and fired it, ascending to the roof of a nearby building. Without having to check, he knew she was using the equipment he and Batman had given to her barely a few months ago to skillfully follow him._

 

_Batgirl was enthusiastic about crime-fighting, but she wasn’t cocky. When she’d first donned her home-made cape and cowl, she’d mostly stuck to small time criminals and muggers. That had brought her to Batman’s attention, who then tracked down Gotham’s newest vigilante and made a deal with her._

 

_In return for new equipment and advanced training on how to use it, Batgirl had sworn to them that she wouldn’t approach situations in Gotham that they thought were too tough for her. It wasn’t a question of trust, but of skill._

 

_Batgirl had been trained in various martial arts, and that gave her an edge over the would be muggers and rapists that she encountered in certain areas of Gotham, but she wasn’t up to the task of clashing with an assassin from the League of Shadows, or dealing with a squad of mercenaries employed by any of Gotham’s major crime families. At least, not yet._

 

_She could tell that something was wrong as she landed next to Nightwing. He had his back to her. “What’s happened?”_

 

_“Robin is… gone.” Nightwing said sadly._

 

_“What?” Her tone was clearly shocked._

 

_“He’s dead, Batgirl.” he said, using some of the rage that he felt from his brother’s death to color his tone. “Things have changed. You can’t be do this anymore. You need to hang up your cape and cowl.”_

 

_Her hands twitched towards her utility belt, as if afraid he was going to take it from her then and there. “It’s not up to you.” She said, folding her arms over her chest and glaring at him. “You don’t get to make this choice for me.”_

 

_His comm chimed in his ear. Probably one of the Team members, M’gann or KF probably, checking in on him again. He banished the call with a touch of a button before continuing to speak. “If you don’t quit, I’ll-“_

 

_“You’ll what?” She glared._

 

_Nightwing was unfazed. “I’ll tell your father,_ **_Barbara_ ** _.”_

 

_She gasped in fear, unconsciously reaching up to touch her cowl to make sure it was still there. “How did yo-“_

 

_He crossed his arms. “I’m a detective, remember?” He said flatly. “Either you stop now, or I stop you. It’s that simple.”_

 

_It took a measure of self control to keep his tone and expression flat. He hated doing this to her; she’d always been one of his closest friends. Barb wouldn’t meet his gaze, clearly distraught about the prospect of losing the opportunity to be a vigilante._

 

_“Why do you want to do this?” He asked her, again keeping his voice flat._

 

_She looked up at him, but didn’t answer, confusion beginning to color her dismayed expression._

 

_He started moving towards the edge of the roof._

 

_“You have one week to figure out your answer.” He declared. “If you need more time to figure it out, you shouldn’t be doing this. If you put on your costume again before then, I’ll know.”_

 

_He somersaulted backwards over the edge, arms wide as he fell. Barbara gasped and sprinted to peer over the edge of the roof, but it was a wasted effort. He’d disappeared._

 

**July 5** ** th ** **, 2016**

**09:34 EDT**

**Wayne Manor**

_Can I really do this?_ Dick thought as he surveyed the meagre array of belongings he’d packed for his trip. 

 

Yes. He’d already made up his mind. The rest was just details. 

 

While they might have received the League’s official approval to form the Team three days later, in Dick’s mind, July 4 th would always be the day he, Wally and Kaldur first come together to do great things. 

 

As Kaldur had said that night, exactly 6 years ago, together they had forged something powerful. The three of them, him, Kaldur, and Wally, had come together and freed Superboy from Cadmus. That night had been the first time he realized he could step out of Batman’s shadow and stand as a hero, all on his own. 

 

The symbolism of officially starting his leave of absence today felt right.

 

Apart from Zatanna and his adopted family, the only people he’d informed that he was leaving were Kaldur and Dinah. He’d felt that Kaldur deserved to know he was leaving, given his friend’s role as the Team’s leader, and he’d told Black Canary out of professional courtesy. Now that she’d replaced Captain Atom as chairman of the Justice League, she needed to know what resources were at available to her. Or not.

 

Keeping his preparations for leaving secret from Bruce, Alfred and Tim had never been a realistic option, but none of them had questioned his decision to leave. In a way, Dick felt better that they knew; once the Team worked past its initial grief and came looking for him, his family would help cover for him. 

 

Satisfied that his bags were packed, Dick turned to his computer and keyed in a code that would erase his search and message history completely. Covering his tracks made sense; he didn’t want to be located before he was ready to come back.

 

Once the process was done, he scooped up his duffel bag and left his room.

 

Bruce was waiting for him in the Manor’s expansive dining room, wearing a charcoal gray suit and browsing the paper. At this point in the day his mentor was usually already at the office or the Watchtower, but Dick knew that Bruce had stayed behind today in order to see him off.Not for the first time, he was grateful for his adoptive father’s unquestioning support.  


“I’m going now.” 

 

Bruce nodded and stood up slowly, walking to stand in front of him. He set a firm hand on Dick’s shoulder. 

  
“Say goodbye to Tim and Alfred before you go.”

  
Dick nodded and turned to leave the room, but was pulled short. “Dick.” Bruce said.

 

He turned to look at his mentor questioningly. 

 

“Wherever you want to go, whatever you want to be… I’ll support you.” There was respect in Bruce’s eyes, mixed between sadness and pride. The pride of a father who had seen his son take on impossible odds and win. The sadness of a father who might never see his son again. 

 

Dick didn’t have the words to express how much the support meant to him, and settled for giving his adopted father a heartfelt hug. “Thank you.” He whispered.

 

Tim and Alfred were waiting for him in the main hall leading to the garage.

 

Evidently Tim had still been sleeping before Alfred had grabbed him to say farewell. He was still dressed in his pajamas, and there was a definite dent in his normally perfect crew cut from the way he had slept on his pillow. 

 

Dick reached over and ruffled his adopted brother’s hair. “Sleep well?” he asked, smiling. Tim swatted his hand away, before stifling a yawn.

  
“Indeed he did sir.” Alfred said, a twinkle of amusement in his eye. “Young Master Tim was snoring so loud that dust was shaken loose from the rafters.”

 

“Like you’re one to talk.” Tim replied as he rubbed his eyes sleepily. “How is it I can hear _you_ snore from two floors up and three rooms away?”

 

Dick chuckled as Tim finally managed to gain some semblance of consciousness. Tim looked up at him. “You’re leaving now?”

 

“Yeah. I was going to leave before you woke up, but Bruce…”

 

“Yeah.” Tim said, looking away.

 

Dick pulled him into a hug, which Tim reciprocated. He was proud of how much his little brother had matured in the last few months. He was smart, capable, and a good leader. Dick wished he had been as good as Tim was at his age. His only problem was confidence, and that couldn’t be taught. 

 

Once they were finished, but before Tim could step out of reach, Dick grabbed his little brother and trapped him in a simple headlock. Roughly, he ran his knuckles across the top of Tim’s head, which elicited a laugh from Tim and a smile from Alfred as the youngest member of the Wayne Household struggled to get free. 

 

“Hey, I’m just trying to help you fix your hair, porcupine. Don’t forget, you got a girl to look good for now.”

 

As Tim finally wriggled free, smiling this time, Dick turned to face Alfred. Quickly, the butler pulled him into another hug. “Make sure you take care of yourself sir.”

 

Dick smiled at them before picking up his bags and walking to the garage, where his modified Ducati waited for him. It was time. He tucked his bag onto the bike, making sure it was attached securely before grabbing his helmet. 

 

He hit a switch, and the garage door slid open. Rather than the empty driveway that he expected, Barbara was standing in front of the garage. It was clear that she’d been waiting for him. 

 

“Going somewhere?” She asked him flatly, arms crossed. 

 

He laughed, but the sound was bitter, even to him. “You really are a detective.” He sat back on his bike. “Who told you I was leaving?”

 

“Dinah.” She said defiantly. “She was worried about you running off on your own. I know we didn’t end things on the best of terms but… You’re still my friend. I still care about you.” She walked over and placed a beseeching hand on his shoulder. He stiffened. “Please, talk to me.”

 

Dick looked up at her blankly. “What is there to say, Barbara? You made it pretty clear when you broke up with me that you couldn’t accept me because of what I’ve done.” 

 

It hurt him to says those words. He’d loved her, once. He really had. Barbara was smart, beautiful, strong. When they’d finally gotten together, less than a year ago, he’d thought he’d found someone who understood him fully. Her outburst on the Watchtower had shattered that illusion. 

 

He’d accepted her rage at his deception before, but now… now he could feel anger beneath it. Not just anger at her, but anger at his friend’s death. Anger for everything that had ever been unjustly taken from him over his life so far. He struggled to keep his rage in check. 

 

“You lied to everyone on the Team. You lied to me, Dick. You didn’t trust me. You let me think one of my best friends was dead! How did you think I was going to feel?”

 

“I thought you’d be angry. What I did, I _knew_ you’d be angry. But I trusted you to understand why I did it.” His voice broke, and he turned his head away. “I really didn’t think you, of all people, would reject me.”

 

“I’m sorry.” Her tone softened at his expression. It was clear that she was struggling with a mix of emotions too. “I’m here for you now.” She said soothingly. “Me, Zatanna, Kaldur, M’gann. The whole Team. We will help you get through this.”

 

Dick looked at the ground. “No.” He met her eyes again. “I’m sorry, but no. It’s too late for that.” 

 

“You know what I really need, Barb? I need the last 10 years of my life back. Where I would’ve gotten to be a normal teenager. Where I get to live a life not worrying about the fate of the world. Without having to bury my parents. My brother. My best friend.”

 

“Dick, you can't blame yourself for his death. It wasn't your fault!” Barbara yelled, frustrated with his inability to accept help. She immediately knew that she’d said the wrong thing. Dick’s face hardened into something she’d never seen before; something frightening.

 

“That’s the point!” Dick screamed at her, unable to contain his rage any longer. “Why do you all think saying that will make me feel better?! I did everything right and he died anyway!”

  
He pointed outside, out the open garage door. “You think I _want_ to go out there and be on my own? I want to be a hero again, work with the Team I helped create. I want to go back and be with the only friends and family I have left. But I can’t.”

 

He flipped the kickstand up on his bike and gunned the engine. “Leave me alone.”

He didn’t look back as the bike roared away from the manor, leaving Barbara in tears.

 

Barbara keyed the comm in her ear with a shaking hand.“I’m sorry Artemis. I screwed up. I used to think that I knew how to talk to him, but now…” She took a shaky breath. “He’s gone.”

 

————————————————————————————————————

 

**July 5** ** th ** **, 2016**

**Barcelona, Spain**

**_19:52_ **

He rode for an hour from the manor to a small private airstrip outside the city limits, where a private jet was waiting for him. He left the bike when he boarded; Bruce would have it picked up and returned to the Manor later. 

 

From there, it was a relatively quick and comfortable flight to Barcelona. He could’ve simply taken the Zeta tube from Gotham, but he’d decided against it. For one thing, it didn’t seem right to rush through his journey.

 

There was also a much more practical reason he’d decided against using a Zeta tube: each time someone used the tubes, both the point of origin and destination were logged, and using one would’ve left a clear trail for someone to follow. In contrast, the flight Bruce had chartered for him had been under an assumed name, and the smaller airports that catered to private jets usually had fewer cameras and less strenuous customs and security to deal with. 

 

The whole point of taking a break from the Team had been to re-examine his life on his own terms, and he didn’t want anybody, especially the team, intruding on his contemplation until he felt he was ready. 

 

Dick made his way towards the city center, and eventually passed sign that proclaimed proudly in big bold letters “Haly’s International Traveling Circus”. 

 

The circus wasn’t fully assembled yet. Off in the distance Dick could see workers erecting the big top using long guide wires and a veritable fleet of big rigs were arrayed in the parking lot, waiting to be unloaded

 

Still, Dick felt happy. He’d come back to his first home. 

 

The sights that greeted him as he walked around the area devoted to Hill’s Circus filled him with a sad nostalgia. He’d spent years here, playing with the other performers, practicing on the trapeze with his family. In taking him in, Bruce had given Dick a good home and family that he’d always be grateful for, but that didn’t change the fact that he’d been born and raised a wanderer. 

 

Despite the pain of loss that the recollection brought, he had missed this place, and the happiness it had brought. He could still see his mother, fussing over him and making final adjustments to his costume before a performance. His cousin John, who would often watch him during the day when his parents were busy. 

 

His reverie was interrupted by a familiar voice that called out to him. “Is that who I think it is?”

 

Dick smiled as he spun around to see a familiar figure approaching him. The man in question wore a simple shirt with his sleeves rolled up, and his pants were held up with suspenders. Inwardly, Dick was surprised to find the old man still up and about, since he knew that his old ringmaster had to be pushing 70. 

 

“Nice to see you again, Mr. Haly.” he said, somewhat awkwardly. He extended his hand. It had been almost 5 years since they’d last seen each other, and 10 since they’d last been able to really interact. Dick found he didn’t know how to treat the old ringmaster. 

 

“Please son, just Jack,” Haly chuckled, ignoring the proffered hand and pulling Dick forward into a giant bear hug. ”Lord knows you’ve earned the right to call me that.” 

He motioned for them to walk, keeping his arm wrapped around Dick’s shoulders in a fatherly manner he led him away towards the RV that currently served as the show’s main office. 

 

“It’s good to see you again.” Jack said, patting him on the back affectionately. Dick appreciated the warmth and kindness his old ringmaster was showing him. He hadn’t known his biological grandparents, and the closest he’d had to a grandfather as a kid had been Jack Haly.

 

“You’ve come back at a good time, all things considered. We’ve had a good couple of years, and I decided to buy out Hill’s circus to get some new blood under this old big top.”

 

“I’d heard.” Dick said earnestly. “I’m glad too. I know things were rough for you a while ago.”

 

“Mmm.” Jack grunted in agreement. “So what happened Dick? You get adopted and disappear for five years, and then you suddenly show up and help with that Interpol trouble in Europe. Five years later, and now you’re back again. I’m not in trouble this time. At least, I don’t think I am.” Haly raised a questioning eyebrow at Dick, who smiled and shook his head.

 

“So that means that the trouble is on your end.”

 

Dick took a steadying breath. “I don’t want to lie to you,” He said. Dick felt like he’d done enough lying to last him a lifetime _._ “But, there’s a lot I can’t tell you about the last few years.”

 

Haly nodded. “Of course” he clapped Dick on the shoulder as they kept walking. “Just tell me as much as you can.”

 

Dick’s mind worked quickly, trying to boil his story down to a manageable level while keeping any compromising details out. 

 

“The basic story is that I kept a secret from my friends. A big one. It ended up hurting a lot of them, and my best friend died before I could make it up to him.” They stopped walking, with Dick avoiding Jack’s gaze as he continued. “My life’s just been a mess the last few years, and it feels like everything I’ve done to fix it has made it worse.”

 

He breathed. “I just need to get away from my usual life for a while. Find a place to think.”

  
Dick felt Jack squeeze his shoulder before he gave him a reassuring pat on the back and ushered him further towards the center of the circus. 

 

“So you came back home, just like you should’ve done.” Jack said warmly. He motioned at the assembled big top, and the circus performers milling about outside, and despite himself, Dick smiled.“I’ll give you the quick tour, then we’ll talk about getting you set up here.”

 

He hugged Dick closer to his chest as they walked. “It’s good to have you back son.” 

 

Once they arrived at the main office, the two of them chatted some more. Hill’s was starting another European tour, and was planning to stay and perform for about three months. Jack gave him a quick tour, covering the logistics of having Dick live and work there once again. After another day or two of setting up, Dick would be able to join a group of Trapeze artists Jack had signed and practice before their opening. Dick found himself excited. He was looking forward to being back on a trapeze.

 

“That’s your bunk covered.” Jack said, as Dick emerged from the interior of one of the many trucks that comprised the fleet of vehicles required to move the circus around. Jack had offered to put Dick up in one of the apartments the circus was rentingfor its performers, but Dick turned him down. He wanted to stay close to the circus.

 

Jack walked on, with Dick following close behind. “I’ll introduce you to the trapeze guys later. Maybe breakfast tomorrow at the cafeteria.”

 

“Alright.” Dick said.

 

“You got a stage name picked out yet?” Jack asked. “I’m assuming you’re going to want to keep your real name quiet, just like that last time.”

 

Dick considered Jack’s question. He most definitely did not want his real name appearing anywhere on the circus’ promotional material, where it might be easily found online. After a moment’s thought, he spoke. 

  
“Put me down as Daniel Lloyd, for old time’s sake.” Dick said, knowing that Jack would understand the reference. Dan had been the stage name he’d used while undercover at the circus years ago, and Lloyd had been his mother’s maiden name. 

 

It seemed fitting.

 

“Alright.” Jack agreed. “Daniel Lloyd it is.” The old ringmaster waved a hand towards the emerging big top. “Welcome back to Haly’s Circus.” 

 

**_September 10_ ** **_ th _ ** **_, 2014_ **

**_Gotham City_ **

**_1:11 AM EST_ **

**_Team Year Four_ **

_  
“You’re here.” Nightwing said, dropping down onto the roof of the building that he’d left her on several nights ago. He’d been tracking her movements, enforcing the ultimatum that he’d set for her._

 

_“Surprised?” She asked. There was a bit of playfulness in her tone despite the obvious resentment._

 

_He thought about it for a moment. She was early, but the mere fact that she’d put on the uniform and waited for him meant that she’d made a decision._

 

_“No.” He said ruefully. “You’ve always been a stubborn one.”_

 

_He tilted his head. “So? You have an answer to my question?”_

 

_Her eyes blazed. “You’re a real jerk, you know that?”_

 

_“Barbar-“ He began, but she cut him off._

 

_“I told my dad myself. Two days ago. This is what I want. I won’t let you or anyone else stop me.”_

 

_He was stunned. “Wow.” Barbara’s father was a lot like Zee’s had been. He’d met Commissioner Gordon more than a few times in his civilian identity, knew how protective he was of his daughter. More than once, Barbara had complained to him about how overbearing he could be._

 

_“That must have been difficult.” He said sympathetically._

 

_She crossed her arms. “As if you care.”_

 

_That hurt. Nightwing didn’t expect it to, but it did. He did care. That was the whole point of trying to get her to stop._

 

_He sighed, taking her by the arm. “Come with me.”_

 

_“Where are we going?” She asked._

 

_“You’ll understand when we get there.”_

 

_They made their way to his bike, and he drove them out of the city via the highway, and then off road into the wilderness. Although it looked like an ordinary sports motorcycle, various upgrades to the suspension, tires, and shock absorbers meant that he was more than capable of handling the rough terrain necessary to get to where he was going._

 

_It took half an hour of riding, going through the woods and up and down various hills, but eventually they arrived safe and sound. He pulled off his helmet. “We’re here.”_

 

_Barbara unwrapped her arms from around his torso and looked around.“Where are we?”_

 

_He didn’t answer her, pulling a bundle of flowers from the motorcycle’s storage compartment and walking off towards a solitary tree at the edge of a hill._

 

_“What’s…” She began to ask, but her voice died off as she realized what she was looking at. Three gravestones were arranged in a neat row. Two of them were larger, built for a couple, while the third was small, meant for a single grave._

_  
“It’s why I do what I do.”_

 

_She made her way over to him. Despite the fact that it was dark, there was enough moonlight for her to read the inscriptions on each stone. She began with the smallest._

 

_“John…” Barbara’s eyes widened as she read the last name. “…Grayson.” Quickly, she moved on to the next gravestone. “Karla and Richard Grayson.” She almost tripped over herself in her haste to get to the last gravestone. “John and Mary… Grayson.”_

_He ignored her and knelt down tidying his family’s graves, removing weeds, debris and other leaves before placing the flowers he had brought with him on top of the dirt._

 

_“Oh my god…” she whispered to herself, as it dawned on her who was behind the mask. She turned back to face him, her eyes wide with shock. She pulled off her cowl slowly, not removing her gaze from the man in front of her. “Dick?”_

 

_Nightwing sighed as he peeled his mask off. He raised his head so that his eyes met hers, the expression on his face a mixture of sadness and resignation. “And now you know.”_

 

_Barbara began to breathe rapidly, her mind racing as everything fell into place. “But then, you and Bruce are… and Jason was…” Her voice was barely a whisper._

 

_“Yes.” Dick said, looking at her the entire time. “Jason was the second Robin. We told everyone he died in a bombing during one of our trips abroad, but the truth is, he died saving millions of people._

 

_She struggled with this information, too shocked for words. That didn’t stop her from trying though.“Wha-…. How… Why?”_

 

_“Barbara,” Dick said, finally moving forward to her. “I’ve never spoken to you about my childhood. I know you already know most of the story… but this is the truth.”_

 

_“I grew up in the circus with my family. Then, when I was 9… My family was killed by a mob boss named Tony Zucco. He was trying to shake down the Circus for protection money, and our ringmaster Jack Haly refused to pay him. Zucco sabotaged our trapeze rig, and my family died. My family was killed… to send a message.”_

 

_He knelt down in front of his parent’s headstone, placing a hand on top of the heavy marble. He didn’t look away from his parent’s names as he spoke._

 

_“Bruce was in the audience that night. He saw what had happened to my family, he saw what had happened to me. He knew that I wouldn’t rest until I brought their killer to justice. He took me in, trained me. And I’ve been working to make him proud ever since._

 

_He got up and turned to face her. “You have to understand Barbara. I never asked for this. The kind of trauma Bruce, Jason and I went through, it’ll never let us stop. We will keep fighting the good fight until it kills us.“_

 

_“I don’t want this for you.” He said, his voice soft. He gripped her by the shoulders, fingers tight as he spoke. “Live your life. Let me protect you. Leave the good fight to Bruce and me.”_

 

_Gently, she stepped forward and hugged him tightly. Dick was dumbfounded, but returned the embrace. “This isn’t just about me. You know the system is broken. You, Batman, my dad. I want to help. I want to take some of the burden off of your shoulders.” She whispered. “Could you really think less of me for wanting to make a difference?”_

 

_“No.” He whispered back, resigned. He held onto her for some time, taking comfort in her embrace._

 

_When they finally broke apart, it was so that he could look her in the eyes again. “Bruce will never accept you. Not now. Not if you keep going the way you’re going.”_

 

_“Then…” She hesitated.”What do I do?”_

 

_He gave her a determined stare. “You listen to me, train with me. And we change Batman’s mind, together.”_


	5. Connections

**_Gotham City_ **

**_April 1_ ** **_ st _ ** **_, 2006_ **

**_7:35 PM EST_ **

_“Pleeeease?” Dick said, doing his best impression of a puppy as he looked up at his father. However, it was a tactic doomed to fail. His father crossed his arms and simply said, “No.”_

 

_Dick frowned, crossing his own arms and tapping his foot impatiently as he glared up at his father. “Why not?”_

 

_His father sighed, kneeling down so that his head was level with his son’s. “I’ve already told you. It’s too dangerous for someone your age. You need more practice and training.”_

 

_“But Dad! Cousin Johnny says Uncle Rick let him do it when he was my age!” Dick said, pointing over at his aforementioned cousin. His dad shot a quick look at his junior namesake before turning back to Dick. “Dick, you’re not ready yet.”_

 

_Dick pouted and looked away, unwilling to meet his father’s gaze. His dad placed a comforting hand on his shoulder, giving him a quick shake. “Tell you what. After the show tonight, we can talk to Mom. If she says yes, I’ll start showing you the moves you need to know.”_

 

_Johnny smiled as he made his way over to where his little cousin stood, placing a hand on Dick’s head. “Don’t worry about it squirt,” he said, ruffling Dick’s hair. Dick laughed as he tried to escape his cousin’s grasp.Johnny caught him in a quick hug, bringing his little cousin against his chest.“You’ll get your chance sooner than you think, squirt.” Dick smiled up at him, his eyes full of adoration._

 

_From across the lot where they were waiting, the rest of the Flying Graysons stood at the back entrance to the big top.Dick’s mother called over to him. “Dick! We’re up!”_

 

_Dick raced over to stand next to his mother, peeking in through the tent flap to gaze at the audience arrayed in the stands. His mother peeked in behind him, whispering to her son. “It’s a full house tonight.”_

 

_His father came over, kneeling beside his wife and son. “Just think son. You get to perform in front of all of Gotham tonight. And when it’s time for the finale, you’ll be sitting in the best seat in the house.”_

 

_Dick could only smile as his family gathered around him, waiting for their cue to enter._

 

_He watched as Jack Haly, the ringmaster, wound up the audience. There was a rhythm to the way he spoke, drawing in the audience’s attention and building up their anticipation for the act to come._

 

_His mother leaned in close, pressing a quick kiss to his cheek. “Time to fly, my little Robin.” Dick smiled back._

 

_“And now…” Jack Haly spoke from his elevated position in the center of the big top. He pointed to the entrance with a flourish, “Ladies and Gentlemen…. The Flying Graysons!”_

 

 

**July 19** ** th ** **, 2016**

**14:59 EST**

**Barcelona, Spain**

“Happy Birthday Tim.” Dick said into his phone, leaning against the entryway of his room. Despite the fact that he was still in pain over Wally’s loss, the smile on his face was genuine. Being a big brother to Tim always made feel just that much better about his life.

  
Several thousand miles away, in his room at Wayne manor, Tim smiled as he received his adoptive brother’s greeting. “Thanks. I’m glad you called.” 

 

“I wouldn’t miss saying Happy Birthday, self-imposed exile or not.” There was a pregnant pause his Dick’s statement hung in the air. He realized it probably wasn’t the best topic to be bringing up at the moment. 

 

“Bruce throwing you a party?” he asked, trying to fill the silence caused by his faux pas. 

 

“Yeah.”

 

Dick smiled. While he would be the first to admit their father was not the best at showing his feelings, anyone who knew Bruce well knew that he tried. Every year that he’d lived at Wayne Manor, Bruce and Alfred had planned some great celebrations for him.

 

It was the small things that showed Bruce cared. 

 

“Cassie coming?” 

 

“No, er,” Tim started. “She still doesn’t know our secret identities.”

 

Dick nodded as he processed Tim’s words. He knew how difficult it was to have a relationship with someone, romantic or otherwise, when they didn’t know your real name. That hadn’t been much of an issue with Zatanna, since Bruce had allowed him to tell her in the aftermath of her father becoming Dr. Fate, but he still remembered how furious Artemis had been when it finally dawned on her that she’d been going to high school alongside him for months. 

 

“She’s…” Tim trailed off, as if realizing he had revealed something he shouldn’t have.   


The part of Dick that _lived_ for embarrassing his little brother, and pretty much all of his friends too, came alive for the first time in months, scenting an opportunity. 

 

“Yes...?” he pressed eagerly. 

 

There was another pause. 

 

“Tiiiim…” he called into the phone in a sing song voice. “What’s Cassie doing for you?”

 

“We’re going out on a date tomorrow. Barb told her it was my birthday, and she got all excited.” Tim blurted out finally, knowing he had been caught.   
  
“Aha!” Dick couldn't resist barking out a laugh. “Does that mean what I think it means? You still got the… package I gave you?” 

 

He heard Tim spluttering, and could practically _feel_ him blushing through the phone. 

 

Dick knew for a fact that Tim had hidden the little silver foil packets in his bedside drawer, one of the few places where Alfred didn’t clean, and therefore didn’t check. He probably shouldn’t have enjoyed ribbing his little brother so much, but it was just too much fun. 

 

Besides, Tim didn’t have to suffer the agony of having “the talk” individually, first with Bruce and then Alfred, like he had. Even now, almost 4 years later, Dick shuddered as he remembered how _awkward_ that particular conversation had been. 

 

“I’m just kidding Tim.” Dick laughed. “It’s you and Cassie. You two are like the sweetest and most innocent couple I know. I _know_ nothing frisky is gonna happen.”

 

There was a pause as Tim cleared his throat. “So, what are you doing?” He asked in his best conversational tone. Dick recognized that Tim was rather unsubtly trying to change the subject away from his love life, but he didn’t mind. 

 

“Not much,” Dick shrugged. “Just practicing for our performance later tonight. I’ve been rehearsing with a couple other trapeze artists: two brothers named Boston and Cleveland Brand, and Boston’s wife Lorna. Another guy named Raymond, and and a girl named Raya.”

  
“Boston and Cleveland? You’re kidding me.” Tim laughed. “Why would anyone name their kids that? Do-”

  
“I already checked, and no, the Brand brothers don’t have a sister named Miami, or another brother named Pittsburgh.” They both laughed. 

 

This time, it was Tim’s turn to break the silence. “Things ok?”

 

“Alright, I guess.” Dick said. “It usually takes a while to work well with a new trapeze artist. We could use a bit more practice, but it should be fine.” 

 

When Jack had first introduced the three of them, the two Brand brothers had welcomed him cautiously, unsure of what to expect. It had only taken one practice session up on the wires for Dick to prove to them that he knew what he was doing, but performing well solo and performing well as part of a team were two completely different things. 

 

Still, the brothers were willing to give him a chance. Boston in particular watched him closely, trying to get a sense of where his group’s newest member had picked up his skills. 

 

“I meant with you.” Tim clarified. 

  
“Yeah.” Dick sighed. “I don’t know yet. How’s the rest of the Team?”

 

“They’re good. Connor, Megan and Gar left for Mars in the bio-ship almost a week ago, so they’ll be there soon.Most of the Team is working on the assignments Aqualad gave them right before you left. Although…” Tim trailed off again, and this time Dick could tell it was more serious. 

 

“Yeah?” he prompted. 

 

“Batgirl’s trying to track you down.”

 

“You’re kidding me.” Dick said, slumping back against the frame of his door and pinching the bridge of his nose. “Has Bruce said anything??”

 

“No.” Tim replied.“She’s been trying to keep it quiet, but I know she’s been checking Zeta tube logs and surveillance reports in her spare time. I saw her talking to Artemis the other day. Your name definitely came up. She’s already approached Aqualad too.”

 

“Great…” Dick said, deflating slightly as he considered this turn of events. Kaldur wouldn’t give him up, and since M’gann and Connor were currently on Mars, he wouldn’t have to worry about them searching for him. For the moment, anyway. 

 

He wasn’t sure how he felt about Barbara trying to find him. On one hand, he wanted another chance to talk things through with her, since she had been his best friend for years. On the other hand, he wasn’t sure where things stood with her, now that things were over between them. 

 

“You know, if she finds out you’ve been talking to me…” Dick warned. 

 

“Can’t be worse than the blow up I got right after you left.” Tim said. Dick wanted to ask him about it, but Tim continued too quickly for him to ask. “Don’t worry about me, Dick. I can handle Barbara.”

 

“Famous last words.” Dick snorted. “But thanks.” He let out a sigh of frustration. “I don’t know what I’m doing here Tim. I came out here to be alone.”

 

“And now?” Tim asked. 

 

“Now I’m just lonely.”

 

“Well,” Tim said, trying to be supportive. “The past is what makes us us. Starting over from the beginning doesn’t really seem like the worst thing in the world to do. Besides, whenever you’re ready to come back, the Team will be waiting.”

  
Dick breathed a sigh of relief. Hearing his brother be supportive was unexpectedly reassuring. 

 

“Thanks Tim. I’ll catch you later.” he said, ending the call. 

 

Boston called out to him from the employee entrance to the big top. “Hey Dan, you ready?” It was time for their final practice run of the day before their show that night. 

 

He pocketed his phone. “Yeah. Let’s go.”

———————————————————————————————————-  


Dick relished the sensation of flying as he spiraled through the air and caught Boston’s outstretched hands. It had been years since he had felt the simple joy and physical exertion that came from swinging on a trapeze. Up here, he could forget his problems and just relish the feeling of flying through the air once again. 

 

The routine they were currently performing was much simpler than the one he’d performed as part of the Flying Graysons, but given that he’d only turned up two weeks ago, Dick didn’t mind. The routines Boston had developed prior to Dick’s arrival had given the flying roles to Lorna and Raya, with Boston, Cleveland and Raymond doing the less glamorous but equally important job of catching. 

 

Once Dick had arrived, some simple changes to the lineup had allowed him to participate, but Boston assured him that he was coming up with a new routine that would take advantage of the fact that they had a new and very capable flyer as part of the troupe. 

 

As easy as the performance was by his standards, Dick felt content as he dismounted the bar and Raya hopped on, ready to perform her finale with Lorna. The finale was one of the few portions of the routine that Boston had left Dick out of, since they already knew it was a crowd pleaser. 

 

The entire group stood and bowed on the platform to thunderous applause at the end of the night, before jumping one at a time into the safety net in order to dismount. It was much quicker than climbing down the ladder again. 

 

With their set done, they all regrouped at the performers entrance.“Good job guys.” Cleveland said to everyone as they began to disperse. “See you all tomorrow.”

 

Dick waved goodbye and started to head off, but noticed that Boston was following along with him. “Hey Dan, you got a minute?” Boston asked as he caught. 

 

“Yeah, sure.” Dick nodded as he walked. “I was just gonna head over to the cafeteria and grab a bite to eat before I turn in.” 

 

Boston fell in beside him. “I’ll walk with you.”

 

Dick wondered what the senior circus performer wanted. Every conversation the two of them had had since they were first introduced was related to their performance. Apart from practicing together daily, they hadn’t really interacted socially.

 

He could feel Boston’s eyes on him as they walked. “You’re John Grayson’s son, aren’t you? You’re Dick Grayson.”

  
Dick froze in mid step, unsure of himself. Briefly, he thought about playing dumb, but Boston had said the name with such certainty that Dick knew it would be a futile effort. He turned and nodded warily. “How did you know?”

 

Boston shrugged, gesturing at back at the flat top. “I knew you reminded me of somebody, and I thought I recognized those moves. I can’t believe it took me this long to put two and two together.”

 

“I didn’t know that you knew him.” Dick admitted as they continued walking. In the back of his mind Dick knew his dad had been born and raised in the circus, just as he had, but it just hadn’t occurred to him that other members of the circus community had known him. 

  
“Hell yeah I knew him.” Boston said enthusiastically. “Your Uncle Rick too. Even met you once, back when you were a little kid.”

  
“Wow.” Dick said, stunned by the revelation. “I don’t know what to say. I don’t remember you at all.”

“Yeah, you were young. Barely even a toddler.” Boston looked up at the sky, a faraway look in his eyes. He clamped a hand on Dick’s shoulder and lead him away from the cafeteria and towards the street. “Forget the cafeteria. Come have dinner with me and my family kid, we’ll talk.”

 

They took a cab to the apartment that the circus was renting for Boston and his family. Dinner had been home cooked by Lorna, and turned out to be a very enjoyable affair. The food was good and throughout dinner Boston’s 7-year-old daughter Sophia kept climbing about, jumping between two empty dining chairs while her mother and her uncle watched. 

 

Dick felt a pang of sadness in his gut as he realized that it felt like he was watching his family, all together again. 

 

After dinner, as Cleveland played with Sophia while Lorna looked on, Boston and Dick sat together at an empty table while the former spoke earnestly about his relationship with Dick’s family. 

 

“I met your dad about 30 years ago, when I was 16. Our parents,” Boston said, motioning between Cleveland and himself, “died young, so Cleveland and I were living with our grandpa. He was back stateside at Hill’s Circus, doing motorcycle stunts.”

 

Dick nodded along as he listened.

 

“Your dad and your Uncle signed on with Hill’s Circus for a few seasons. They needed a couple more guys for the Trapeze act, so your dad taught me and Cleve the ropes. Taught us everything we know, and here we are, years later.” Boston laughed. “I’d like to think they did a pretty good job.”  
  
“What happened after that?” Dick asked earnestly. He’d never met another trapeze artist that wasn’t a family member before his return to Haly’s two weeks ago, so the fact that the first one that he met had been friends with his dad felt serendipitous. 

 

“Your Uncle Rick got your Aunt Karla pregnant there, and they left to try and find better opportunities. Your dad went along with him. I know they tried a couple of different shows. Your dad met your mom a couple years later at the Cirque Romanes in Paris. Eventually, they ended up at Haly’s and, well, you know the rest.”

 

Boston looked from Dick over to his daughter Sophia, who was laughing cheerfully as her uncle threw her up in the air before catching her with a flourish. 

 

“I managed to see them every now and then. Managed to make it to both their weddings too. They were like the older brothers I never had, you know? They looked out for us.” he said quietly.“I didn’t hear what happened to them until much, much later. We were touring in Europe at the time.”

 

Boston looked back over at Dick. “I know your parents would have been proud.”

 

“I’m not so sure.” Dick replied tiredly.

 

Boston gave Dick a friendly pat on the shoulder. “How could they not? You’re better than the both of them combined.” He sighed. “I know you’ve had it rough kid. Losing your family the way you did… Hell, I’m surprised you’re still able to climb up there and do what you do.” 

 

Dick wasn’t sure what to say. 

 

“It doesn’t take a genius to see that you’re running away from something.” Boston shrugged again as he stood up. “All I’m saying is, if you want somebody to talk to, my family and I are here for you.”

 

“Thanks.” Dick said, standing up as well. He walked towards the door, intent on heading back to his bunk at the Circus. “That means a lot to me.”

 

Boston nodded as he walked Dick out. “Now that we know where we both come from, we should start talking about changing up the routine.”

 

Dick smiled as he waved goodbye, thinking of some Flying Grayson routines that they could incorporate into their performance. “Actually, I’ve got some ideas about that.”

 

“We’ll talk tomorrow. Get some rest. You’ve earned it.”

 

 

 


	6. Rebound

**_Gotham City_ **

**_January 15_ ** **_ th _ ** **_, 2012_ **

**_21:15_ **

**_Team Year Two_ **

_“Not a bad start, right?” Dick asked half-playfully, half hopefully. He wrapped an arm around Zatanna’s shoulders and pulled her close. “I mean, this has gotta be a solid eight. At least.”_

 

_While they had technically been official for just over a year now, their activities usually consisted of hanging out in the cave or missions with the team. In that time, he had never done anything with her just as Dick Grayson._

 

_Zatanna had pointed this out to him (not as a complaint, merely an observation) and here they were, a day later, out in the world as two ordinary teenagers. She looked amused as Dick held her hand and led her away from the restaurant that had been the venue for their first date._

 

_“You rate all your first dates?” She asked teasingly._

 

_Dick ran his free hand through his hair, looking embarrassed. “Technically speaking, you’re the first, so… yeah.”_

 

_She blushed at that, but looked elated at the same time. “I’m whelmed.” She said, standing on the tips of her toes and kissing him quickly on the cheek. “Dinner was nice, but an eight is reaching. I’ll go seven and a half.”_

 

_“Where I come from, that’s a cause for celebration.” Dick smiled as he pulled his phone out of his coat pocket._

 

_“Are you taking a picture?”_

 

_“Seven and a half?” Dick said with a shrug. ”Come on—That’s like, future relationship numbers. We’re gonna want to remember this.” Dick gestured for her to step closer. Zee rolled her eyes jokingly, but she didn’t resist as he put his arm around her waist and pulled her closer._

 

_“That’s… pretty cute of you.” She whispered into his ear._

 

_He straightened happily. “Really?”_

 

_“Yeah.” She kissed his cheek as he took the picture. “It’s almost worth an eight.”_

  
****

 

 

**Barcelona, Spain**

**August 10th, 2016**

**10:06 AM CET**

“Looking good, Dick.” Raya said, as they climbed down from the board in the middle of the big top. Since the night Boston had recognized him as a Grayson, Dick hadn’t felt the need to hide his real name from the trapeze artists of Haly’s Circus. 

 

He smiled back at her in thanks.

 

He and Boston had spent the better part of the last three weeks choreographing the movements and tricks necessary to replicate several moves from the vast repertoire possessed by the Flying Grayson’s. 

 

Dick knew his family had been good, but it hadn’t occurred to him how good they had been until he’d come back to the circus. Granted, the people he was working with were all skilled aerialists, but they were all used to performing moves with a catcher that would be able to assist them.

 

The moves that the Flying Graysons had performed, the moves that Dick had grown up with, didn’t involve catchers at all.Each of the Flying Graysons had been able to catch a moving bar in any situation. Flips, rolls, pirouettes, it didn’t matter. Once, he’d seen his cousin Johnny come out of a triple somersault and catch a bar with his ankles. That was the talent that his family had possessed. 

 

Still though, due in no small part to the skill and effort of everyone on the team, things were going quite well under the big top, and Dick loved the new routines that he’d developed with Boston.When he practiced, when he performed, he could stop thinking about Wally’s death and relish the feeling of flying on a trapeze once again. 

 

It also felt like he was rediscovering his past. What would life had been like if Tony Zucco hadn’t taken his family away from him? If things had gone only a little differently, this could have been the path his life would have taken. If he wanted to, it could still be the path his life followed. 

 

Dick wasn’t sure how he felt about that. 

 

Training occupied most of his time during the day, and the performances took up most of the night, but there were still long hours where Dick found himself without anything to do. Often, he found himself just lying in his bunk, staring off into space and thinking. 

 

Most of the time, Dick thought about the time he’d spent with Wally, or with his own family. He spent time with old Jack Haly often, hoping to catch some measure of the peace and happiness he’d felt as a boy. 

 

Perhaps sensing his melancholy, Boston made it a point to invite Dick to dinner with his family every few nights. 

 

Dick appreciated the effort to make him feel welcome, but it did come with an annoying caveat: upon learning his real name, and the past connection that Dick and Boston had shared, Lorna had taken it upon herself to be his personal matchmaker. 

 

Apparently, she’d gotten the entire Brand family to back her effort: three times now, when Boston had asked him to babysit Sophia for a night, Dick showed up at their rented apartment to find Raya there, having been asked by Lorna perform the exact same duties. Sophia was an easy child to watch and had an early 8:00PM bedtime, which meant that Dick usually ended up spending several hours in Raya’s company by the time Boston and Lorna returned home.

 

It wasn’t that Raya was a trial to be around, but there were certain things that made him feel… well, he wasn’t sure how he felt about them. He noticed that when they sat together, Raya tended to sit closer to him than was absolutely necessary. Also, there was a lot of physical contact between the two of them. Not in a sexual way, but it was noticeable. A lingering hand when she passed him something, or perhaps pressing a bit of her cleavage into his chest when he caught her on the swing during rehearsal: largely innocent, but extremely effective at causing Dick to pay attention to her.

 

Confusing moments aside, he liked spending time with Raya. She was intelligent, witty, charming, and undeniably attractive. Just talking with her was soothing, and as the days went by Dick found himself looking forward to her company outside of their many rehearsals together. 

 

Part of him longed to open up to her a bit more intimately, but the other part of him felt bad about the possibility that he would be pursuing Raya just because he was lonely, and in pain. 

 

Besides, how was he supposed to sort out his lingering feelings for both Zatanna and Barbara if he kept developing new entanglements to confuse himself with? And so, Dick had resolved to try and keep his distance.

 

All these thoughts crossed Dick’s mind by the time he finally reached the bottom of the ladder. Focusing on being a circus performer had let him escape the worst of the pain he’d felt as Wally’s loss, but it it was starting feel like he wasn’t going to find an answer on who he was here. His past was an important part of his history, but it wasn’t what defined him as a person.

 

His frustration must have shown on his face.

 

“Something wrong?” Raya raised a questioning eyebrow.

 

“Huh?” Dick started. He had completely forgotten Raya had been talking to him. He shook his head as if to clear it. “No, nothing’s wrong. Just tired.”

 

Raya gave him a sympathetic pat on the back. “The amount of time you spend practicing, I’m not surprised.” 

 

They headed left the big top and headed toward the area reserved for Circus staff. Now that they were done with practice, they had about four hours free before they had to start preparing for their show at 7:00. 

 

Raya went slightly ahead and spun so that she was walking backwards in front of him. “You got plans tomorrow?” She asked somewhat hopefully. 

 

He smiled and shook his head no. Usually, he tried to eat with either Boston’s family or Jack Haly if they were free, but both would be preoccupied tomorrow.

 

“Well, since we’ve got the day off tomorrow, I’m gonna take advantage of the peace and quiet to cook some spaghetti. Care to join me?” 

 

Dick hesitated. A night completely alone with Raya… 

 

The younger Dick Grayson, the one who hadn’t been dumped, and who hadn’t lost his best friend, would have jumped at the chance to spend a whole evening with her without interruptions. 

 

Not that he had been disloyal to Barbara when they had been together; she had made it clear she didn’t want him to turn anyone he had an interest in away because of her. He’d never understood why, but then again, he didn’t understand most of the significant romantic relationships he’d had over the last six years. 

 

He had dated Zatanna on and off for years, with their breakups primarily being caused by the stress of maintaining their relationship while also juggling their responsibilities at school and the Team. Their time apart never lasted though. Powers or not, she’d always entranced him.

 

Their last break up, almost a year ago, had felt different. He knew now it was because it was because Zatanna hadn’t wanted to watch him break himself, but back then, he’d thought that she’d gotten a glimpse of the darkness he’d kept hidden inside himself, and been repelled by it. 

 

It was during the latest of those off-periods that he’d gotten his reputation as a dog, where he slept around in an effort to feel some sort of intimacy. It also helped him escape from the stress he felt from sending Aqualad out into harms way. As a result, most of those relationships had been purely physical. 

 

One of the few exceptions had been where he’d fallen into a relationship with Rocket, where he cared for her during the difficult months of her pregnancy, when she was about to become a single mother. Both of them knew that it wouldn’t last, but Rocket had been grateful for his support. 

 

The other had been Barbara. 

 

For years he’d been torn between the knowledge that being Batman’s successor meant that he’d have to make the hard decisions that no one else could or would, and the desire to be the open and carefree guy that he usually was without the mask. When Barbara had donned her own cape and cowl, he’d been elated because he thought he’d found a friend who could understand the darkness that he knew existed within him.

 

That hope had drawn him to her, and over the last year, they’d transitioned into something more than friends, but not quite lovers. It was both of their faults: she’d kept him at arms length, and he’d held himself back. 

 

He didn’t want to complicate his lingering feelings for Zatanna and the feelings of hurt he’d felt from his breakup with Barbara by dealing with another intimate relationship. He didn’t trust himself to keep things physical in his current state of emotional vulnerability.

 

“I don’t know if that’s a good idea…” Dick began.

 

“C’mon.” Raya cut him off. “It’ll just be a nice dinner between two friends. Nothing to be scared of.” 

 

Raya stopped suddenly, so that Dick walked into her. She grasped the front of his leotard and pulled so that they were face to face, and did her best impression of a puppy dog. “Pleeease?”

 

Dick chuckled, but he noticed there was an intense cast to her eyes that seemed out of place. She was smiling in her usual charming way, but there was a look of definite anticipation in her green eyes. It made him feel like the decision on whether or not to accept her invitation was important. 

 

It also made him feel foolish for overthinking things. 

 

He chuckled at his absurdity, feeling some of his old playfulness return. “Alright. I’d love to have dinner with you…” Raya’s grip relaxed on his leotard. “… as long as you serve my every whim and I get to eat all the spaghetti I-.” 

 

Dick let out a sound somewhere between a yelp and a laugh as Raya pinched the muscles at his side.

 

————————————————————————————————————

 

The next night, Dick met Raya at the small apartment the circus had rented for her bearing gifts.

 

“Oh, wine.” She said, eyeing the bottles with obvious glee. ”Trying to take advantage of my maidenly charms and corrupt my virtue, hmmm?” Raya winked at him, which had the double effect of causing his heart to race and his mind to worry.

 

Dick put on his best smile. “I doubt a dozen hookers with a truck full of whisky could corrupt you, Raya.” 

 

“They wouldn’t know where to start.” He added under his breath.

 

Raya laughed as she handed him a bottle opener. “Come in. I was just about done cooking. You sit at the table and pour the wine while I finish up.” She guided him into a chair next to the small table next to a window before returning to the small kitchen and bringing the food to the table. 

 

“I hope you like it.” Raya said, setting a steaming plate of spaghetti in front of him. “My mom taught me how to make it.” She watched him expectantly as he raised a forkful of the pasta to his mouth. He smiled.

 

The food was good and Raya blushed when Dick told her so before digging in to the plate in front of him. They talked as they ate, conversing about subjects ranging from places they had seen to their respective histories in the circus. 

 

Despite his earlier reservations, Dick found himself relaxing as the evening progressed, due to both the excellent company and the bottle and a half of wine he and Raya consumed. Unfortunately, his sense of relaxation disappeared as Dick found himself just… looking at Raya. Not paying attention to what she was saying or doing, but just looking at her; the way her hair moved, or the lovely smoothness of the skin of her neck. 

 

This always happened to him when he was in the presence of a beautiful woman. 

 

The feeling persisted after they had cleared the plates away, leaving him staring at her awkwardly. If she had noticed his current inability to communicate or respond intelligently, she didn’t show it, continuing on with her story of learning how to perform on the aerial straps. 

 

Before long, as Dick was paying attention to the fullness of Raya’s lips, he felt the urge to kiss her. He managed to suppress the urge, but it only grew stronger as time went on. “I should go.” He said abruptly, cutting her off mid-conversation.

 

He stood up, but Raya followed him out of his chair. Before he could say anything, she leaned closer and kissed him fiercely. 

 

He stiffened at first, his mind paralyzed, but as always in his moments of intellectual uncertainty, his body took over for him. He found himself kissing her back before he could stop himself. Apparently, that was all the encouragement Raya needed, because somehow she had already managed to push him against the wall behind him and untuck his shirt by the time he could tear himself away the kiss. 

 

“Raya-.” He said breathlessly. “Please, just listen.”

 

Amazingly, that stopped her. For all of two seconds. She gave him an arched eyebrow before she leaned in and began kissing him again. He managed to grab her by the elbows and hold her physically at bay as he sat up.

  
Dick told her everything, or as much as he could without revealing things he shouldn’t. He left out all the names, didn’t mention any capes, tried to obscure the actions and the people, but he tried to give her everything she needed to understand what he was doing there.

 

The complicated feelings of loss and hope the circus presented for him. His strained relationship with Wally because of a stressful position he had put Artemis in. Wally dead, before he could make amends. The confusion of his lingering feelings for Zatanna combined with his desire to make things right with Barbara. He laid all of his emotional turmoil out for her to see, trying to make her understand why it was so difficult for him.

 

He managed to conclude with “I’m just… I don’t know, I’m all over the place right now. I like you, but, I don’t want to make this complicated” He sighed, resolving to just keep silent. Dick couldn’t think of anything to say, not that he was surprised or frustrated anymore; not knowing things seemed to be his default state these days. 

 

Raya stood there, looking at him with an appraising look in her eye. He was sure that at this point, she would just call it a night and ask him to leave. What he wasn’t prepared for was for Raya to shrug and lean in to kiss him again.

 

It was a different kiss from the one she had given him before. This one was just as strong, not allowing him to break free or resist her, but much more subdued, almost gentle. 

 

Dick’s mind went blank again.“What are you doing?”

 

“I know about all that already. Not the specifics,” She said quickly as she caught a quick flash of panic in his eyes, “but you know…the general idea. Boston told me about what happened to your parents. When you’re alone after practice, you have this sad look that says you’re in a lot of pain. Like you have the weight of the world on your shoulders.”

 

Raya shrugged. “We both know you won’t be staying here permanently, or for very long. So let me help you forget it for a while.” Dick shuddered as she stroked the ticklish part of his ribs. She smirked. “It’s not like I won’t be enjoying the process.”

 

The development caught Dick by surprise. He momentarily relaxed his grip on her elbows. “But-“ Raya rolled her eyes and kissed him. 

 

When she released him, he tried to speak again. 

 

“But-“ Raya grasped his head and kissed him again. The conscious part of him gave a grunt of frustration, while the unconscious part moved his hands off her arms and onto her waist, unconsciously pulling her closer.

 

“It wouldn’t be fair to you.” Dick finally managed to get out when she released him. He was consciously struggling to keep his body in check this time. It wasn’t easy, with the blood rushing to a rather male part of his anatomy.

 

“You’re the only one who cares.” She whispered to him. Dick opened his mouth to reply, but she shushed him with a finger over his lips. 

 

She gave him a considering look for a moment before taking him by the hand. “Come with me.” She didn’t exert much force into pulling him along with her, but she didn’t need to. With his mind frozen by indecision, his body obeyed, following along as she led him towards the bed.

 

Suddenly, Raya spun him so that his back was to the bed and gave him a hard shove, sending him sprawling backwards. As Dick laid back on the bed, she sauntered back over to him, swaying her hips sensuously as she climbed back onto the bed and straddled him. She seized the hands he had placed on her hips and guided them upwards, lifting up her shirt in the process. 

 

She gave a breath of contentment as her shirt came off, exposing her breasts to the open air. “Well?” she said in a tone more prodding than questioning.

 

Luckily, this was an area where Dick knew he excelled. He reached up and wrapped a hand behind her neck to pull her lips down to meet his. As she leaned in the kiss, he seized the opportunity to roll them so that she was pinned beneath him. 

  
They stayed like that for a long moment before she pushed against his shoulders in an attempt to breathe. As he broke the kiss, Dick was pleased to see that Raya was breathing heavily. 

 

“I’m whelmed.” He said.

 

She laughed. “You’re what?”

 

“You’ll get it eventually.” He smirked before leaning down to kiss her again.


	7. Parallel

**_Gotham City_ **

**_October 19_ ** **_ th _ ** **_, 2006_ **

**_22:32 EST_ **

 

_After months of searching, Batman and Robin had tracked Zucco down, hiding out in a remote warehouse on the outskirts of Gotham. Robin had rushed in impatiently, taking out all of Zucco’s hired goon’s single handedly, failing to notice Zucco himself making a run for the exit._

 

_“Stay back, you freak!” Zucco screamed as he ran. He flung the exit open and took two steps through, when he came face to face with Batman. He gasped. Batman gave him a rough shove and Zucco tumbled backwards, scrambling away from the exit on all fours._

 

_“Get up.” Robin said coldly, emerging from the shadows in front of him._

 

_Zucco got up on his feet and lunged at Robin desperately, trying to escape from the ominous figure of Batman standing in the exit in behind him_ _._ _Zucco came close to grabbing Robin within his outstretched arms, but Robin sidestepped and delivered quick kick to the underside of Zucco’s chin as he passed, causing him to fall backwards and hold his face in agony._

 

_That was one of the many things Batman had taught him, these last few months. No matter how strong he was for a boy his size, he was still small. His legs were the strongest muscles he had, and so, he should make use of them whenever possible. It was one of the ways he had to even up the playing field in a fist fight a little more._

 

_Robin stepped closer, kneeling down to straddle Zucco’s chest. He knew Batman was standing behind him, watching, but he didn’t care._

 

_The rage he had felt ever since that night 7 months ago still burned deep within him. He thought of his mother and father, his aunt Karla and his cousin John, their broken bodies lying dead in the middle of the big top. His uncle Rick, forced to spend the four days he’d managed to cling to life paralyzed and in pain._

 

_Robin didn’t even hesitate before pounding Zucco’s unprotected face with his fists._

 

_The training he had endured under Batman’s expert tutelage had supplemented his own strength considerably. Every blow landed solidly, with the splat of flesh splitting open. Robin didn’t throw his punches in a flurry, but in a slow sequence that transferred the full force of his small body._

 

_“You killed them! All of them!” He screamed, punctuating the end of each sentence with a punch._

 

_A wet gurgling sprang from Zucco’s throat, but Robin ignored it. After a few more punches, Robin reached down and twisted Zucco’s arm, then got up and stomped on his leg. Hard. There was a snapping sound, and a scream of agony broke the silence that had filled the tent._

 

_“Robin…” Batman grabbed Robin’s shoulder as he pulled back for another punch, but Robin quickly twisted out of Batman’s grasp and pushed him away. He turned back to Zucco, grabbing him by the lapels of his jacket and lifting him up._

 

_Tears streamed down Robin’s face as he prepared to deliver one final blow._

 

_Just as he was about to throw it, he got a glimpse of Zucco’s face in the soft evening light. It was unrecognizable. Blood dripped from his nose and mouth, with both of his eyes swollen shut._

 

_Tears blurred Robin’s vision as he grabbed Zucco by the lapels again. “You killed them…” he said softly. It was a wasted effort: Zucco was already unconscious. Part of him wanted to kill Zucco, so badly, but the other part didn’t see the point. Killing Zucco wouldn’t bring his family back._

 

_Nothing ever would._

 

_Slowly, Robin let go, and Zucco fell back to land on the ground with a wet_ **_splat_ ** _. He was down, and would be eating and breathing through a tube for the next few months, but he was alive._

 

_“They’re all dead…” Robin whispered. He buried his head in his hands and tried to hold back the tears, but he failed. His rage had died out suddenly, but the gaping hole he felt at the loss of his family remained. Tears flowed freely out of his mask to land on the concrete under his feet._

 

_Tears streamed down his face silently as he heard Batman step closer, and he prepared himself for the admonishment that was sure to come. But Batman remained silent._

 

_Robin turned to face his mentor. “It never goes away, does it?”_

 

_Batman didn’t say anything. He knelt down, and if he hadn’t been wearing the cowl, Robin would have seen the glint of tears forming in Batman’s own eyes. He simply extended his arms, beckoning._

 

_Wordlessly, Robin stepped into his new father’s embrace._

 

_And Robin cried._

 

 

 

 

 

**Barcelona, Spain**

**August 25th, 2016**

**8:10 AM CET**

 

Dick flipped through the pictures stored on his own, smiling faintly as he did so. A selfie taken with Zatanna on their first date. Pictures he’d snuck of Artemis and Wally together at the Gotham Academy Formal. Looking at them brought him back to a simpler time, much like being here in the Circus did. 

 

It had been nice to relive his childhood, if only for a little while. Unfortunately, the Circus would be packing up and heading for Marseille tomorrow, and Dick wouldn’t be going along with it. He’d been tempted, but he knew he couldn’t stay and keep living in the past, no matter how much he wanted to. 

 

“You look at those pictures a lot.” Raya’s sleepy voice snapped him out of his reverie. 

 

He put his phone down and looked over to where she was lying down next to him on the bed. After their initial hook up, a simple routine had emerged where they spent their nights together. She was beautiful, but also intelligent, and much deeper than he’d originally expected. He tried not to pry, but his intuition and observation skills told him that Raya was also someone who’d experienced some personal tragedy. 

 

She’d never volunteered anything about it though, and he’d never asked. 

 

Despite the relatively short time they’d known each other, he’d grown fond of her. In many ways, she represented the path his life could have taken, if things had been just a little different. He’d definitely miss her after he left tonight. But he was on a different path now, and they both knew it. 

 

Dick smiled down at her. “They remind me of the good old days.”

 

“I know the feeling.” She groaned as she rolled over. “Making breakfast?” She asked  


“Yeah.” He hopped out of bed. “You want the usual?”

 

“Yes please.” She said sleepily. Raya was usually a mess until she had her morning coffee. 

 

Dick closed the door and walked over to the kitchen, where he began to cook. He’d always enjoyed cooking, especially for breakfast.

 

Under Batman’s tutelage, some form of training came after lunch, and patrols came after dinner, which meant that he’d usually tried to eat light for those meals. Breakfast had been the one meal that he could enjoy without worrying too much about how it might affect his performance later. 

 

He cooked himself a steak and runny eggs, as well as the toast, bacon and scrambled eggs that Raya favored. She joined him after he was done about 20, padding over sleepily and taking a seat at the kitchen counter. They were both quiet as she sipped her coffee until some semblance of wakefulness returned to her eyes. 

 

By the time it did, Dick had finished eating his own meal, and watched her expectantly. He got a kick out of watching people eat something he’d cooked. 

 

She put the mug down and began to nibble at her food. “You sure you won’t be coming with us when the Circus leaves?” She asked from around a piece of toast. 

 

He nodded sadly. “Yeah. It was good to see how things might have turned out if my family hadn’t… you know. I was traumatized when I lost them, but it happened so long ago, and so many things have happened since then that I hadn’t realized that I’d moved passed it.”

 

Raya tilted her head. “And your friend?”

 

He knew she was referring to Wally. “That’s a little more complicated. I still miss him, but, I’m also starting to make my peace with his death.”

 

His tone puzzled her. He sounded slightly disappointed by the realization. “That’s a good thing, isn’t it?”

 

“It just feels wrong to me.” He said. “What kind of person can lose his best friend and know he’s going to get through it? It’s barely been two months since he died and I’m already starting to move on. It still hurts to think about him, but not as much as it did.”

 

“Dick,” She eyed him. “How long is the right amount of time to mourn? 6 months? A year? Forever? If anybody knows loss, it’s you. Don’t beat yourself up about putting your pain behind you. You’re a lot of things, but a bad guy isn’t one of them.” 

 

He considered her words. “Thanks.” 

 

She smiled back. “You know how to make yourself feel better?”

 

“How?”

 

“Tell stories about him. Laugh at the jokes he used to tell. Don’t forget him. Keep him alive here.“ she said, tapping him on the tapping him on his chest.

 

He smiled. Her words were strangely heartfelt, and reassuring. Laugh about the good times that he’d had with Wally. That sounded like something he could do. 

 

“You ready for tonight?” She asked, clearing her plate and placing it in the sink. 

 

Dick nodded. Tonight was the night that Boston and the rest of the trapeze troupe had agreed to try and replicate the legendary finale of the Flying Graysons.

 

He and Boston had briefly discussed whether or not to use a net, but Dick had been adamant: the net would stay up for the finale. It didn’t bother him that his life would be on the line, but Dick wouldn’t risk letting what happened to him happen to little Sophia for the sake of one trick. 

 

Truth be told, he was surprised by how excited he was by the prospect of performing the finale. He’d been wanting to participate in it since he was a boy, but he’d given up hope of ever doing so when his family had died. To be able to have this piece of his history back, even this small one, felt gratifying beyond words. 

 

“Born ready.”

 

————————————————————————————————————

 

That night, by the time Jack Haly had finished introducing them to the audience, Dick had gone through a dizzying number of emotions and feelings. Pain, loss, and nostalgia, but also eagerness. Today would be the day he satisfied the hopes and dreams he’d had as a young boy, before he had been touched by loss.

 

The spotlights came on, focusing on the six of them on the two separate boards suspended in the air. Raya stepped forward so that the audience could see her and waved, giving Dick an understanding look as he remained crouched and hidden. She motioned at him to join her.

 

Dick took a deep breath before stepping up to wave at the audience, only to almost topple off the board in surprise as he saw three familiar figures seated in one of the VIP boxes. 

 

Bruce sat next to Tim towards the front of the box. Alfred, always calm and collected, sat slightly behind the two of them, a faint but noticeable smile on his face. There was nothing subtle about the smile on Tim’s face as he waved up at Dick.

 

Having his adoptive family there gave Dick a strange sense of contentment. He smiled and waved at them, before turning to wave at the rest of the audience. Inside, his heart began to beat faster, but Dick wasn’t worried. Instead, it was a feeling a he knew well: excitement. 

 

After a round of encouraging applause, Boston nodded at Dick, and the rest of the group began their performance. 

 

The assembled members of the Haly’s Circus trapeze act held the audience in their hands. The only word Dick could have used to describe it was perfection. He could feel the pulse of energy working through the crowd as they performed more dangerous and impressive stunts. All those weeks of practicing paid off that night, as the timing, transitions, and choreography were all faultless. But their performance went beyond that.

 

Whenever they swung out over the open air, the audience hushed in anticipation. When they caught each other after performing flips and spirals, the audience cheered so loud that Dick was sure people could hear the cheers for miles around. 

 

As Jack Haly finished his speech and the spotlights focused on them, Boston, Cleveland and Lorna sprang into action. Boston sat down on the bar as Cleveland and Lorna hooked their legs around his outstretched limbs, stretching themselves out horizontally over the ground. Together, they began to swing their bar until they were in time with the music, a technique that most circus performers used to help with the timing of their tricks.

 

They began to swing back out towards the middle of the big top, which he knew was his cue. Dick launched himself forward, getting as much momentum as he could on his swing before releasing the bar so that he flew straight up, flipping as he got higher and higher. 

 

At the peak of his flight towards the big top, Dick closed his eyes. It was a dumb thing to do, particularly since being able to see Boston would definitely help in order to catch him, but at that moment, he could have sworn that if he looked behind him, his family would be flying through the air with him. 

 

He wished that it were true. He wished that they were here, with him. The pain of their loss had stayed with him all these years, never completely disappearing even after he had put Tony Zucco away. But he’d made his peace with it.

 

The moment ended. He peaked out of his swing and accelerated towards the ground. And just like that, Dick breathed a little easier, feeling as if a weight had been taken off his chest. 

 

His eyes snapped open as he his downward velocity increased. Acting on pure instinct that could only come from growing up in the circus, he reached out and caught the blur that was Boston’s legs. 

 

A move like that would have slowed Boston down, especially since he was holding up two other people, but Dick and Boston worked together perfectly, transitioning Dick’s downward momentum into forward momentum so that the four of them moved forward together. 

 

While they swung, Dick flipped through the air and grabbed the ropes of the trapeze, sliding down so that he was balanced upside down on Boston’s back, spin to spine. Because of the way he was facing, he couldn’t see Raya, but he knew what she was doing by heart. She threw herself off the board, her body almost completely horizontal as she strained to catch Boston’s ankles.

 

There was a grunt of effort from Boston as she caught onto him. He was now supporting the weight of four different people to various degrees. Dick was balanced on his shoulders, Cleveland and Lorna were out to his side, each holding on to one of his outstretched arms, and Raya hung from his ankles. 

 

As impressive as their unorthodox positions on the bar were, the finale wasn’t over yet. Raya swung her legs in time with the bar, trying to build up enough momentum to move their unwieldy formation through the air. Raymond, the only member of the troupe not performing, stood on the far board and tossed one of the bars out. 

 

At the right moment of their inward swing, Boston threw his wife and brother to the bar, freeing his arms. Dick, now unable to use Boston’s arms to stabilize himself, had to use his back muscles to keep himself wedged between the trapeze’s rope and Boston’s back. 

 

It was a precarious position, but Dick knew he could handle it. As they completed their outward swing, Raya was able to flip herself up from Boston’s ankles and catch the board, leaving Boston and Dick alone on the bar. Together, they both drew their arms in, letting Dick slip out of position and fall towards the floor of the big top. 

 

Before he could fall out of reach completely, Dick reached behind his back and grabbed Boston’s ankles again, holding himself in an inverted L shape. They swung back and forth once, which let him shift his body, bringing legs and torso through the opening created by his arms and Boston’s legs so that he was facing the same direction Boston was. 

 

One last swing, then he launched himself and flipped through the air four times before catching the bar Lorna and Cleveland had just vacated. They’d done it. He’d thought this day would never come, but they’d done it. Sweat and exhilaration poured off of him as he finally dismounted.

 

“And how was that folks?” Jack asked the audience loudly. Their cheers answered for them. One by one, Dick and the rest of the trapeze act jumped from the board, landing on the safety net and quickly climbing down to the ground. 

 

“Ladies and gentleman, one more round of applause for our daring trapeze artists!” Jack swept his hand over them, and the spotlight focused in as they took their bows. “The amazing Brand family!” The applause surged again as Boston and Cleveland bowed first, followed by Lorna. 

 

“Raymond McCreary, Raya Vestri, and last but certainly not least, Dick Grayson!” Dick was too happy to care that Haly had used his real name. Daniel Lloyd wasn’t a member of the Flying Graysons. He hadn’t spent a lifetime waiting for this moment. 

 

Raya jumped into his arms as the spotlight focused on them. She whispered into his ear, her voice clear despite the din of the audience’s applause. “We did it.” 

 

Dick smiled and gave her a quick peck on the cheek. As he waved, holding Raya with one arm, he sought out Bruce, Tim and Alfred in the crowd. Much to his appreciation, all three of them were standing on their feet and clapping. Tim had an expression of awe on his face, while Alfred and Bruce simply had approving smiles. 

 

He wanted to talk to them, but even as he let Raya go, Bruce placed an hand on Tim’s shoulder and said something. Tim nodded and gave a final wave to at Dick before allowing himself to be ushered out by Alfred. Bruce gave Dick a questioning look, asking him if he was alright. He nodded in response. 

 

While he wasn’t over Wally’s death and his breakup yet, Dick knew he was healing. It was just a question of how long it would take him to do it. 

 

They both understood, and that was it. That was all Bruce had wanted to find out by coming here. He gave a small smile before following Alfred and Tim out of the big top, presumably to where their car was waiting. 

 

Dick watched them leave before giving Raya a hug and making their to the exit. 

 

“And that’s our show.” Jack called out to the audience. “Farewell good people of Barcelona!”

 

**————————————————————————————————————**

 

The next morning, he slung his duffle bag over his shoulder and left the apartment that he and Raya had been sharing for the last time. He’d said his goodbyes to Boston’s family and Old Jack the night before, but he’d been putting this off. They both had. 

 

After they’d both packed, they’d spent the night just holding each other. 

 

It was strange role reversal: he was used to being the one left behind, not the one doing the leaving.“Raya, I-” he said, holding her hands. Before he could continue, she raised a hand and placed a finger across his lips, silencing him. 

  
“Ah-ah. Shhh.” She pulled his head down and replaced her finger with her lips. 

 

She leaned into the kiss, and Dick couldn’t bring himself to tear away from it. It had been nice, having a relationship that didn’t come with the emotional baggage and fears of hero work. But now that he was leaving…

 

Raya broke away from the kiss and smiled up at him. “I always knew this was temporary. That’s the nature of rebound relationships, right?” 

 

Dick was surprised, but she shrugged, moving to hold both of his hands again. “My job was to try and make you forget about your problems, at least for a little while. Mission accomplished.”

 

There was real sadness in her voice, but he could also tell that she meant everything that she said. Dick tilted his head down, and Raya pressed their foreheads together as she wrapped her arms around his neck. “I enjoyed it while it lasted.” She whispered. “Take care of yourself, Dick.”

 

He breathed a sigh of relief. “You too, Raya.” Dick said. She smiled and nodded before she unwrapped her arms from around him and stepped back. They exchanged one last smile before he turned to walk towards the elevator. She closed the door. 

 

He didn’t look back.


	8. Elsewhere

**_Mount Justice_ **

**_July 13_ ** **_ th _ ** **_, 2015_ **

**_12:48 PM EST_ **

**_Team Year Five_ **

_“Nightwing.” Aqualad said in greeting as he emerged from the pool of water connecting Mt.Justice’s Grotto to the waters of Happy Harbor._

 

_Nightwing acknowledged his Atlantean friend with a nod. “Kaldur.” He had been staring up at the holographic image of Jason Todd while he waited, but he turned to face his friend. “I got your message. It’s good to see you.”_

 

_Neither moved. They didn’t embrace, or grip wrists in the fashion of warriors. They merely regarded one another for a long moment._

 

_Once, Nightwing had looked up to Kaldur like he was an elder brother. Whether or not his Atlantean friend realized it, they were different from most of the other Team members: they both had been brought up as soldiers in the fight for Justice, while the others had wanted to be heroes. Now, with the air of tension between them, it felt like they might as well have been complete strangers._

 

_Kaldur was clearly troubled. His face had an expression of deep conflict etched upon it. He didn’t meet Nightwing’s eyes, as if ashamed of something._

 

_“I must ask.” Kaldur said. “Did you know the truth? That Black Manta was my true father?”_

 

_“No.” Nightwing said truthfully. “I didn’t know, Kaldur. I would have told you if I did.”_

 

_Kaldur looked away, processing his friend’s words._

 

_“My king.” He said, sounding aggrieved. Nightwing could hear the sense of betrayal in his friend’s voice. “All the years that I served him with pride, only to discover that he was keeping the truth from me.”_

 

_“Aquaman had his reasons.” Nightwing replied. “Doesn’t make it right. Doesn’t make it better. But he did what he thought was best. I’m sorry you had to find out that way.”_

 

_Kaldur didn’t respond. He moved to stand in front of the image of Tula, lost in thought._

 

_Nightwing crossed his arms, turning his head to look at the holographic image of Aquagirl. They hadn’t worked together long, but he’d had nothing but respect for the Atlantean sorceress. She’d been both incredibly kind and fiercely spirited; it was easy to see why Kaldur had fallen in love with her._

 

_There were only two memorials in place in the Grotto, one for Jason, and another for Aquagirl, but recent events dictated that that would soon change._

 

_“I don’t know if you heard. Blue Beetle died.” Nightwing stated flatly. The news caused Aqualad’s gaze to snap back onto Nightwing in shock. He shrugged. “Less than a week ago. We’re still putting the pieces together, but it looks like he was targeted by the Light.”_

 

_Both friends stood in silence. Here in the Grotto, they were brothers not just in the cause they fought for, but also in the losses they had suffered. He shifted his gaze to look at Jason’s image once again, exhaling as he did so. “Is it just me, or did this used to be easier?”_

 

_“Yes.” Aqualad admitted, after thinking for a moment. “It was… simpler once, but no longer. Our enemies have changed. Their plans and strategies have grown more complex. They’ve evolved.”_

 

_Nightwing moved to stand beside Aqualad, in front of Tula’s memorial “We need to do the same, Kaldur.” He ignored the curious look that Kaldur gave him. “Ever since Jason died, I’ve been working on a plan… completely off the books.”_

 

_“I know it’s not what you want to hear, Kaldur, but we got lucky. First with that missile base in Russia, then with Tiamat.” The skin around his friend’s eyes tightened slightly at the mention of the incident that had cost him the love of his life, but he said nothing. “Both times, we ended up in situations where we didn’t know what our enemy’s objective was, or what their capabilities were. That needs to change.”_

 

_Kaldur recognized the determination in his friend’s voice.“What do you propose?”_

 

_“An infiltration mission. Deep cover.” Nightwing said. “Black Manta has always been interested in taking you under his wing, and with your current… frustration with Aquaman, he’s that much more likely to believe that you’re willing to turn on us.”_

 

_Aqualad looked hesitant.“This plan, it seems unlikely to succeed for so simple a reason.”_

 

_Nightwing gave him a smirk, but it wasn’t one of his usual ones. There was something different behind this one, something dark and bitter. “It worked for Roy.”_

 

_Aqualad narrowed his eyes at him again. It was a closely guarded secret amongst him, Nightwing, Kid Flash, Ollie and Dinah that Roy had joined the League of Shadows, if only temporarily._

 

_He sighed. “You do understand what you’re asking of me?”_

_  
“Yes.” There was a determined set to Nightwing’s jaw. “I won’t lie to you, it will be tough, and it will be dangerous. I won’t hold it against you if you decide to say no._

_It will mean lying to all of our closest friends and allies, and crossing some lines that we shouldn’t cross.”_

 

_“But maybe,” Nightwing continued. “Just maybe, we can stop what happened to Tula from happening to anyone else ever again.”_

_  
Kaldur considered Nightwing’s words for a moment, looking upon his friend with new eyes. There was no doubt in Kaldur's mind that Dick had changed; it was easy to miss for anyone who hadn't felt the pain of loss, but when Kaldur compared Nightwing to the Robin that he'd been less than four years ago, it was as clear as night and day. There was a certain tension to him now, a hardness of the spirit that had replaced the humor and lightheartedness of the teenager that he'd been._

_The Atlantean knew that if he said no, Dick would understand. True to his word, he probably wouldn't hold the refusal against Kaldur either._

 

_But that wouldn't stop him._

 

_Kaldur knew that if he said no, Dick would just come up with another plan and execute it, by himself if he needed to. The drive that compelled Dick to be a hero was such that, even if he was the only hero left alive, he would keep on fighting until the last breath fell from his broken body. Who was he to leave his friend to the shadow war he was planning, completely alone?_

 

_Kaldur'ahm of Shayeris, former protege of Aquaman, former leader of the Team, and still loyal servant of Atlantis stepped forward and offered his hand._

 

_“I’m in.”_

 

**Paris, France**

**October 28th, 2016**

**19:02 PM CET**

 

The months after leaving the Circus were a blur to Dick. Almost every aspect of his life since becoming a vigilante at the ripe old age of nine had been carefully structured. Every second was utilized, either spent training in martial arts, learning forensic sciences, patrolling with Batman, training with the Team, or simply maintaining the facade of being a normal boy. While not as strenuous, the Circus had still given him a semblance of structure with training and performance schedules. 

 

Now that he was free to explore without the full pain of Wally’s death hanging over his head, Dick ventured far and wide, trying out the things that normal people did in their free time. It wasn’t mindless self-indulgence, but it was as close to it as someone who had trained under Batman could get.

 

Without the circus, Barcelona held no appeal for him. He left for Madrid that very night. In truth he hadn’t been expecting much, but to his surprise, he found that he liked the Spanish capital. He’d _visited_ most of the worlds major cities before, both in and out of uniform, but in Madrid, he realized he’d never actually _seen_ them before. He’d never had a leisurely stroll through one of the city’s well manicured parks, or visited a museum solely for the purpose of appreciating the art that it contained. 

 

It occurred to him that the last time he’d visited a museum, Tula had died. 

 

A routine of his own started to emerge, and he took comfort in it. A week spent here, another spent there, doing whatever struck his fancy. In Lisbon, after exploring the beaches and enjoying the nightlife, he hopped on board a commercial freighter that took him to the United Kingdom. In Scotland, he hiked through the Highlands, camped in the countryside, and visited scotch distilleries. In London, he visited bars rather than clubs, took in a few shows, and just enjoyed life.

 

He kept moving, going wherever mood and circumstance took him.

 

Eventually, he made his way to the southern coast and, on a whim, swam across the Channel to reach France, just to see if he could. He knew it was a stupid thing to do, but he didn’t care. Before, he’d risked his life in battles where the stakes were measured in millions of lives; taking risks where just his own was at stake invigorated him. 

 

It felt incredibly liberating to be foolish for a change. 

 

No matter how far he went though, he couldn’t shake the feeling that something was wrong, that this wasn’t the way his life was supposed to go. He realized what the problem was when he reached Paris. 

 

That afternoon, as he walked towards the Eiffel tower, he noticed that the authorities still hadn’t completely repaired the damage inflicted by the Reach’s attack. They’d made some token efforts in order to cover the worst of it up, but to someone with his observational training and deductive skills, the clues were still there. Patches of less faded paving stone in the ground, fresh coats of paint on the tower’s steel exterior, the remnants of cracks in solid stone that had been filled in with slightly discolored concrete.

 

He could read the sequence of the battle Wally and Artemis had fought against the Reach that day as clearly as he could an open book. This was his problem: no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t just “turn off” habits that were as instinctive to him as breathing or blinking. Whenever he walked into a room, no matter how much he wanted to avoid it, he checked for potential threats: how high the ceilings were, where the exits were. When he walked down city streets, he unconsciously checked the exteriors of the buildings he passed to see if they could support his weight in the event he needed to attach a grapnel line to them.

 

They were all pieces of information that were necessary for the life he’d left behind after Wally died, but now, they did nothing more than weigh him down with guilt, and keep him from fully being able to enjoy what he was doing. 

 

It was like having two brains in his head, each thinking independently of each other. 

 

_Hadn’t enough been taken from him?_ One part thought. He’d given up his friends, his happiness, his humanity, sacrificed all of it for the cause he’d been chosen to serve. _Wasn’t saving the world enough of an accomplishment to buy him the time he needed to reclaim his soul?_ It wanted to scream at the world for the injustice of it all. 

 

The other part kept judging him, kept holding him accountable to the same high standards of behavior, duty, and efficiency that Batman had instilled into him as a kid. _Weak._ It whispered in his ear. _Selfish._ _Unable to bear the burden of leadership. Unworthy of the trust that Batman and your friends place in you._ It was maddening.

 

In addition to the gnawing guilt that visiting the Eiffel tower elicited, seeing the barely concealed damage brought the pain of Wally’s loss back to the forefront of his mind, though he managed to hold off the rush of emotions long enough for him to complete his original goal of the day: reaching the top of the Eiffel Tower. Not the viewing platform on the top that every tourist visited, but the very top of the tower that was nothing but bare steel. He hacked the security cameras with ease and scaled the exterior by hand. 

 

Once he finally reached the top he sat down and, unthinkingly, pulled up one of the many photos he stored on his holographic computer. 

 

It was an old picture, predating the formation of the Team. Ollie had taken the photo for them in front of the Hall of Justice almost 7 years ago, when it had just been the original four “sidekicks”. Despite their widely varying backgrounds, ages and upbringings, he, Wally, Kaldur, and Roy had formed a strong bond, held together by the knowledge that they were the first of the next generation of heroes.

 

In a way, the photo was emblematic of how things used to be. Roy and Aqualad sat in the middle, with the archer looking smugly satisfied, and the Atlantean looking quietly bemused. In contrast to their more reserved comrades, he and Wally were clearly jubilant about their their inclusion in such an exclusive group. 

 

The goofy grin Wally wore in the photo was enough to bring a smile to his face, despite the accompanying sense of loss. The necessity of keeping his public and private lives separate meant that these pictures were one of the few things he left to remember his friend by. 

 

He took off the watch that the computer was built into and set it beside him, still displaying Wally’s image. It gave him a sense of company, and it let him pretend that his friend could hear him. 

 

“I miss you, buddy.” He addressed the still image. From his vantage point, he looked out over Paris; now that it was sunset and the area was getting dark, the city was slowly but surely lighting up. He could see pedestrians walking through the streets, ordinary people enjoying an ordinary night out. “Everyone here is going about their business, living their lives. They’ll never know how close we came to losing everything. Or what it cost to save it.”

 

“Running head first to save the world.” He shook his head ruefully as he remembered the glimpse he’d caught of his friend sprinting for the Zeta Tube. “Why’d you have to do that?”

 

Dick settled on his perch, leaning back against one of the steel beams that made up the tower’s exterior. “I miss fighting together, side-by-side, knowing that you had my back… I guess I miss the way things used to be. We beat the Light, stopped an alien invasion, and saved the world. We won. But I wanted all of us here to see it: Tula… Ted Kord… Jason… Our teammates. Our friends. But they’re all gone. And now you’re gone too.”

 

Giving voice to the reality that Dick found himself in caused a wave of profound fatigue to wash over him. He pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration as the feeling settled into his bones. “You asked me once, why I was willing to go so far, take such extreme risks to make sure we won. I never told you. I never told anyone.” 

 

He sighed. “Every time we went out on a mission, I knew that any one of us could die. Everyone on the Team knew that. But we’re willing to make that sacrifice, because we know that there are things worth dying for. But when Jason died, that was when I realized… that was when I realized that no matter how hard we tried, we could still lose. Sure, we’ve lost battles before, but up until that moment, I never doubted for a minute that in the end, we would beat them. When Jason died, he made me see it clearly: one bad mistake, one single misstep, and the Light could outmaneuver us and take control of everything.”

 

Dick gave a bitter laugh. “That’s what you get for being Batman’s protege, I guess. He trains you to anticipate what’s coming, and to prepare for the worst. What’s the solution to that?” 

 

“I tried to do it on my own. I knew that if I told anyone what I’d realized, they’d give me an empty platitude or try and tell me I was wrong. So I kept it to myself. I was forced to-“ He paused. “No, that’s not right. No one forced me to do anything. I chose to cross some lines that I knew shouldn’t be crossed. I put myself in a position where I would be the one to make that choice. Because if not me, who else?”

 

“I knew if I didn’t, people would die. Innocent people. Doing what I thought I had to do… I knew it might mean you and I would might never speak again, or be friends or partners again.” 

 

“These last two years, they’ve been tough… the toughest I’ve ever had. I know I wasn’t your favorite person for most of it, but you were still there for me when I needed you… who else but my best pal could I have counted on to keep me objective, right? You were my best friend in every sense of the word, Wally. And I wish… I just wish…”

 

He couldn’t speak it aloud, but he knew what he would have wished. Even now that he was beginning to live again, he wished he’d died in Wally’s place. 

 

It took Dick an hour to pull himself together. He looked at the image reverently one last time. “Wherever you are, Wally, I hope you’re putting in a good word for me.” 

 

He strapped the computer back onto his wrist before taking a running leap off the beam he’d been sitting on.

 

At 300 meters above the ground, he had three seconds of free-fall before it was necessary to deploy the parachute he’d smuggled up with him. 

 

With no plan, nowhere better to go, and nothing better to do when he got there, Dick guided himself into the river Seine and allowed himself to be swept away, leaving another city behind. 


	9. Remembrance

**_Gotham City_ **

**_April 19_ ** **_ th _ ** **_, 2015_ **

**_13:25 EST_ **

**_Team Year Five_ **

 

_“So, what is this about?” Dick asked his companions, smiling as he took a seat in the booth they had nabbed for themselves at the busy Gotham diner. “I don’t hear anything for almost a week, and all of a sudden you two both tell me that we have to talk.”_

 

_Across from him, Artemis and Wally both fidgeted nervously. Both of them seemed much more tense than usual, giving each other quick looks of either support. They almost seemed afraid._

 

_Dick tried to lighten the mood._

 

_“You’re not pregnant, are you?” he said, tilting his head questioningly at Artemis._

 

_Wally, who had lifted his cup to take a drink, spewed a mouthful of coffee across the table. Having anticipated that would happen, Dick had seated himself safely out of the line of fire._

 

_While not as dramatic as Wally’s, Artemis’s reaction gave it a run for his money. “What?! No!” the blonde archer yelled, blushing furiously. Her blush deepened as she realized that most of the other patrons were staring at their booth because of her outburst._

 

_Dick chuckled as Artemis let loose a small groan and covered her face. Trolling Artemis was too easy, and too much fun._

 

_He shrugged as he spoke again. “It’s a logical assumption. I’m just saying, you guys did start living together a year ago. Add in scene you two made after the GA Prom and what else am I supposed to think?”_

 

_It was Wally’s turn to blush. He coughed as he recovered from his outburst, his cheeks burning red. Combined with his red hair, the speedster’s blush served to make him look extraordinarily like a tomato._

 

_Dick smiled. His attempts at lightening the mood had succeeded, though both Wally and Artemis still had an incredibly ominous feeling about them._

 

_“Seriously though” he said, deciding to come at whatever they wanted to talk about directly. “What’s wrong?”_

 

_Artemis fidgeted slightly, looking down at her lap. “Wally and I are thinking about leaving,” she said quickly._

 

_Her statement caught Dick flat-footed. “Leaving what?” he asked, genuinely puzzled._

 

_Wally reached over and took Artemis’s hand, intertwining their fingers and placing them on top of the table, giving Artemis a reassuring squeeze.“Artemis and I…” Wally started, turning to look his best friend in the eye. “We’re going to be retiring from hero work.”_

 

_Dick felt his stomach drop out from underneath him._

 

_He didn’t know what to think. He and Wally had originally become friends through crime-fighting. Wally was the first person on the original team he had revealed his secret identity to, and apart from Bruce and Alfred, there was no one else he trusted more._

 

_To think that Wally was abandoning him to deal with the crime-fighting lifestyle alone shook Dick to his core._

 

_“Dude.” Wally said after a minute, studying his friend’s face for any sign of his reaction. “Say something.”_

 

_“I really don’t know what to say. I’m overwhelmed.“ Dick said, as he slumped back into his chair. “You guys have made up your mind?”_

 

_Artemis nodded her head. It was so… uncharacteristic of her to be so reserved. It hindsight, it made sense to him though: the archer had been noticeably quieter in the months since Tula’s death._

 

_Dick leaned forward in his seat as he considered this. “Who else knows?”_

 

_Wally spoke. “You’re the first. Artemis is going to tell the girls by the end of the week. Same for me and the rest of the guys.”_

 

_“I see.” Dick said, fighting to keep his voice neutral, and mostly succeeding._

 

_Wally sighed. “Can you give us a minute, babe?” He asked Artemis._

 

_She stood up and left the diner, leaving the two friends in silence, each contemplating the best way for them to discuss this unprecedented turn of events._

 

_It was Wally who broke the silence first. “Dick-“ he began, but Dick cut him off quickly._

 

_“What do you want me to say?” he said, perhaps a little more heated than he had intended._

 

_Wally was about to raise his voice as well, but he took a calming breathe before speaking in a harsh whisper. “I wanted to tell you first so you would understand, so that I could explain. This wasn’t an easy decision to make. Artemis and I want to try and be normal, have a normal life. It’’ll be tough enough explaining this to the team and the League.”_

 

_He leaned back in an almost disgusted manner. “I wanted to tell you first so that I’d know you had my back.”_

 

_Dick felt himself getting angrier. He felt almost… insulted that Wally would doubt him like that. He would always have Wally’s back._

 

_He could understood their decision completely. The stress of the hero life, combined with the stress of their civilian identities and academic plans, coupled with the complexities of their relationship, was undoubtedly tough._

 

_If he were in Wally’s position, he would probably have considered doing the same thing._

_The problem was that Dick had never been given a choice on whether or not to live a normal life. The choice had been made for him almost exactly 9 years ago, when Tony Zucco had walked into Haly’s Circus._

 

_Bruce had implicitly given him several opportunities to hang up his suit and mask, but there was no real choice for Dick to make. No one else could do what he, Batman, and Robin did. He was in the hero business for life._

 

_Dick wasn’t unsupportive of his friend’s decision; in a way, he was jealous of it._

 

_“I get it Wally.” He said after a moment. “I’m gonna miss having the two of you around, but I think you’re right. You guys have a lot going on. You both deserve the chance to be happy.”_

 

_Wally released a breath he had been holding and smiled. “Thanks.”_

 

_The speedster looked out the window, to where Artemis was standing. “I have to do this for her. She hasn’t been the same since Tula died.”_

 

_He turned back to look at Dick. “I know the timing on this sucks, with all the new faces on the Team and putting more focus on the Light, but-.”_

 

_“Yeah,” Dick agreed. “But don’t worry. I’ll manage. I always do.”_

 

_They sat in silence for a moment before Dick gave him a wry smile. “So… I guess the pregnancy thing will be happening sooner rather than later?”_

 

_Wally blushed again and opened his mouth to speak, but before he could say anything, Artemis returned. She gave them both a look, scrutinizing both of their innocent looking expressions before suddenly and decisively slapping both of them on the back of the head._

 

_“You idiots.”_

 

_After Dick had left, leaving behind enough cash to cover the bill and give their waitress a nice tip, Wally and Artemis had stayed behind to talk. Artemis watched him leave with a slight air of concern._

 

_“Do you think it freaks Dick out?” She asked, turning to look at her red-haired boyfriend. “You and me leaving together?”_

 

_Wally shrugged, slumping back into his chair. “If it does, he’s been doing a pretty good job of hiding it.” Artemis frowned. Dick was, after all, the protégé of Batman. Even when he had been a cocky teenager, he wasn’t exactly a poster boy for public displays of emotion. Even less so in the years since Jason had died._

 

_“Hey,” he added, sliding his arm around her shoulder and pulling her in for a quick peck on the cheek. “Don’t worry babe. It’s not like things have changed that much.”_

 

_Artemis smiled wryly and gave him a quick slap on the stomach. She didn’t remove his arm from around her shoulders though. “You guys can be so stupid sometimes.” She said, leaning against his chest and resting her head on his shoulders._

 

_“Everything has changed. Kaldur leaving, all the new freshman on the Team… We’re two of his best friends, and now we’re leaving him alone. He’s got a lot of weight and responsibility to carry, Wally. He needs you.”_

 

_Wally sighed, resting his head on Artemis. “I know.” he said, somewhat softly. “I’ll talk to him.”_

 

_She pressed a kiss to his cheek. “I love you.” she mumbled against him._

 

_“Love you too babe.”_

 

**Gotham City**

**November 11th, 2016**

**9:15 AM EST**

 

Artemis groaned as she woke up, wrapping the comforter of her bed around herself. It wasn’t freezing in her mom’s apartment, but it was pretty damn close. Still, staying here with her mom and dealing with Gotham in the winter meant that she was out of the house she and Wally had shared in Palo Alto, which, in her opinion, was worth it. 

 

She’d moved out after the summer and had instead started taking the Zeta tube over to California for her classes. It wasn’t that the house brought up painful memories, but that Artemis had felt that in order to move past Wally’s loss she’d needed a complete change of scenery. She’d given Brucely to Jade and Roy, and apparently her old dog had taken to his new family like a proverbial duck to water. 

 

Wally’s memory still hurt when she allowed herself to dwell on him, but she was usually able to keep herself busy enough with class and Team work to keep the worst of the heartache at bay. 

 

Today though, it would be impossible for her to think about anything but her dead boyfriend. If she could have slept straight through this day, she would have.

 

She sighed and opened her eyes, then sat up in shock as she noticed that there was a phone on her beside table that hadn’t been there the night before. She stared at it warily for a long moment before reaching to pick it up. 

 

As soon as she picked it up, it started ringing, which almost shocked her into dropping it. 

 

She answered it quickly. “Hello?”

 

“Artemis.” Dick’s voice came through the phone. “It’s me.” Artemis froze in shock. “I asked Tim to give you the phone so that I could call.”

 

There was silence on the line as he waited for a response. When none was forthcoming, he continued. “How are you?” He asked lamely.

  
“How am I?!” She screamed into the phone incredulously. “That’s what you’re asking me?! Where are you?! Do you have any idea what you put me through? Barbara and I have been looking for you for months!”

 

“I know.” He tried to say, but Artemis ran his words right over. 

 

“I lost Wally, you dick! I didn’t think I’d lose you too. I was afraid you might be dead!” She took a breath, trying to calm herself. It took a while. “We’re family. I wanted to make sure you were alright.”

 

Dick wisely kept silent. 

 

“After all this time, why now?” She said, resigned to the fact that today was going to be a rough day.

 

“Because you’re right, Artemis.” He replied sadly. “I should have been there for you, and I wasn’t. I’m sorry about that. But I chose to call today because… because, right now, right at this moment, I think you’re the only person in the whole world who might be as miserable as I am.”

 

Her tenuous calm evaporated. In truth, she’d been dreading this day for weeks. She’d tried to prepare herself mentally, but Dick broke the floodgates on her emotions. She wrapped her arms around her knees, letting a wave of tears fall freely. 

 

It wasn’t uncontrollable sobbing, but a more gentle weeping: the tears of someone who had accepted their loss, and wanted to move on despite it. She still hated feeling like this.

 

Artemis knew that Dick would be processing his own emotions in his own annoyingly stoic way, and while it normally would have annoyed her, right at that moment, she didn’t care. Despite the circumstances, she was happy to finally get the chance talk to him. She’d been afraid that she’d have to endure this day on her own. In the past it had been a day of celebration, but now, it was just a reminder of what she’d lost. 

 

If Wally had lived, they would be celebrating his 21st birthday today. 

  
“I miss him so much…” She said, her voice barely a whisper.

 

“Me too, Artemis.” He said soothingly. “Me too.”

 

Neither of them said anything else for a time, but that suited the both of them just fine. They took comfort in each other’s presence, even if it was via phone, rather than in person. Wally’s death had left a hole in both their hearts, and the wounds hadn’t fully healed yet. They were each alone in their grief, but at that moment, they were alone together, and that made all the difference.

 

After a while, she felt collected enough to speak again. “Do you remember when you first met him?” She asked abruptly.

 

The question took him by surprise. “What?”

 

“I was thinking about the way things used to be and, I just realized, he never told me the story about how you two met.”

 

“Oh.” Dick tried to recall the very first time that they’d met. It felt like he’d met Wallya lifetime ago. “We met on Halloween, 2008.” He smiled as he remembered. “I know why he didn’t tell you about it. He was probably too embarrassed.”

 

“Embarrassed?” Artemis laughed, despite the still wet tears on her face. She did her best to wipe the worst of them away with her shirt as she listened.

 

“It was the first time all four of us were in the field together.” He told her.“Me, Speedy, Aqualad, and Kid Flash. Back then, Batman and all the other Justice Leaguers still treated us like sidekicks. They kept us on a tight leash: Batman wouldn’t let me leave Gotham, Ollie mostly kept Roy in Star City, and Kaldur and Wally were just starting out. But you know how things get in Gotham during Halloween. That particular year, Scarecrow hid gas bombs all over Gotham, and Batman called in the League to help him find and disarm them all. It wasn’t planned, but they brought all of us together during the search. We didn’t become friends until later that year, but that… Thatwas the first time I met him.”

 

“What did he have to be embarrassed by?”

 

Dick laughed, continuing his story. “Well, we all stuck with our mentors during the search, and while we were looking Wally kept on mouthing off over the comms about how he was going to make Barry proud and be the best sidekick ever. He kept talking for a while, but then all of a sudden, in the middle of a sentence, he went quiet.”

 

“He was so busy talking that he wasn’t watching where he was going, and he ended up running right into a lamp post and knocking himself out. Barry had to carry him back to Batman and me so that we could check him for injuries.”

 

“Oh Wally.” She said, laughing softly. That was how she usually remembered him now that he was gone; the impulsive, annoying, and stubborn geek that she’d fallen in love with all those years ago. 

 

“That goofy idiot.” Dick agreed. His voice held its own melancholy.

 

They talked for hours, each filling the other in on what they’d been doing for the last few months. She told him about some of the missions that she’d gone on, and how she would be finishing the Fall semester at Stanford before transferring over to Gotham University, to be closer to her mom. Rather than live at home though, she was going to rent a new apartment and be roommates with Barbara. 

 

In return, Dick told her about how he’d gone back to the Circus again, and all the things that he’d experienced during his travels. Hiking through the Alps, exploring Tokyo and Hong Kong, bungee jumping in New Zealand; a missed lifetime’s worth of experiences that he had discovered on his leave of absence.

 

Artemis was glad for him. After much prodding, Zatanna had told her just how broken he’d seemed in the weeks after Wally’s death. It was clear from the tension in his voice that he was still dealing with some issues, but it was also clear that he was doing much better. 

 

“Can I ask you something?” He asked her, just as abruptly as she had asked him earlier.

 

“Shoot.”

 

He paused, trying to figure out how to frame his question correctly. “You were the one who wanted to leave the life behind. I appreciate that you came back for Aqualad because I asked, but after all the effort that you put into being normal, why come back now, after everything that it’s cost you?”

 

She hesitated. “It’s complicated.” 

 

“So I’m discovering.”

 

She gave it some consideration. “You’re right. The life did cost me Wally, but it also gave him to me in the first place. It gave me you, Zee, Barb, M’gann, Connor. All of you. I wouldn’t be the same without all of that.” She said sincerely. 

 

“No, I guess not.” Dick sounded rueful. “I’ve been having so many mixed feelings about the life. It’s been strange, being out here on my own. It’s made me realize how… ordinary I could have been, if one thing about my life had been changed.”

 

Artemis scoffed. “You would never have been just an ordinary kid.”

 

“Relatively speaking, I guess.” Dick smiled. “For years it felt like I never had a choice about living the way that I did. Working alongside Batman felt right. I grew up knowing that one day, I’d have to take over for him. I didn’t want to become Batman, but that’s what heroes do, isn’t it? They give themselves up in order to do what needs to be done, and no matter how much I wish it didn’t, the world needs Batman.”

 

“I gave up so many things because I thought that I was going to lose them anyway, when the time came. But I think that’s what Wally wanted for me in the end, Artemis. I think he wanted me to realize that I could live for myself too. I didn’t have to sacrifice myself for the sake of a role, no matter how important.”

 

“You’re right. That does sound like something he would want for you.” Artemis’ voice softened. “And it’s what I want for you too.”

  
“Thanks.” He sighed heavily. “God, I miss talking to you. I miss being with everyone.”

 

“Then why don’t you come back?” She pressed him gently, but firmly.

 

“I can’t. Not yet.” He replied. “Being out here… it’s helped. I _want_ to come back and be a hero again, but I _need_ to know why. Does that make sense? I need to find a reason to fight, beyond just knowing that it was what I was trained to do, or I’ll end up right in the same position I was in before: alone, miserable, and scared.”

 

“I understand. And I’m here if you need me, Dick.” She sighed, knowing that he knew, but wouldn’t reach out again despite that fact. “Promise me that you’ll take care of yourself.”

 

She could hear his smile through the phone. “Only if you promise to do that same.”

 

“I will.” She smiled back. “I’m really happy that you called.”

 

“I am too.”  



	10. Dissonance

**_Caucasus Mountains_ **

**_August 28th, 2014_ **

**_2:13 AM_ **

**_Team Year Four_ **

 

_+M’gann! I need the med kit from the bio-ship.+ Nightwing sent into the psychic link. He’d already pulled out the first aid-kit from his utility belt and had his medical gel dispenser out. He paused briefly when he realized Miss M hadn’t moved._

 

_+M’gann, now!+ The urgency in his mental voice broke her out of the daze she’d entered upon seeing Jason’s broken body. +I’m on it.+ She sent, flying up where the bio-ship hovered over the tree tops. It was so heavily forested that they couldn’t bring it in any lower._

 

_Jason watched her go as Nightwing began to treat the worst of his wounds. Even without looking, he knew there were quite a few. His whole body was in pain and covered in blood, with his left arm and leg bent out into unnatural angles from the hard landing he’d taken after his fall. Breathing wasn’t going too well for him either. Each breath made his chest feel like it was filled with broken glass, and any air he inhaled was exhaled as a fine mist of blood._

 

_Looking up, he could still see the remnant trail of exhaust from the missile he’d sabotaged in mid air. The rest of the Team was back at the silo, taking care of the rest of the Shadows there, preventing them from launching another nuclear missile. Dispersion of the Team meant that Jason was the one closest to the missile with the ability to disable it. Simple circumstance had dictated that Jason would die, not Nightwing._

 

_Jason took in Nightwing’s grim expression as he worked._

 

_+That bad, huh?+ Jason’s mental voice was calm and collected, in perfect contrast to the ruination of his body. Nightwing didn’t reply, too busy trying to save his brother’s life._

 

_+Nightwing...+ Jason sent, to no response._

 

_+Nightwing.+ He tried again._

 

_+Dick!+ His older brother looked up from the wound he was treating in his gut. +We both know I’m done. All the medi-gel and bio-foam in the world won’t save me now.+_

 

_Dick resumed his work, ignoring Jason’s statement. +I have to try, Jason.+ He sent, determined._

 

_Jason would have sighed in resignation, but he knew to try would be to expel a mouthful of blood all over Dick. He sent a sense of weariness through the psychic link instead as he tried to control his breathing. +I know.+_

 

_M’gann returned with the med kit, but despite Dick’s best efforts, he was only prolonging the inevitable. At some point, the rest of the Team arrived. He heard Artemis’ and Zatanna’s gasps of shock. He felt the weariness from Aqualad, and the disbelief from KF. The link was still up, but no one said anything. They were all too shocked for words._

 

_Dick ignored them all. He had to keep working. He had to save Jason._

 

_+It feels like I’m drowning in spit.+ Jason mused idly. He wasn’t. It was blood. Dick said nothing about it either way._

 

_He worked in silence. Jason hadn’t moved in minutes, but he was still alive, still connected to all of them._

 

_Jason felt himself growing cold, and numb. Denied the ability to speak from his injuries, he reached out into the link again, weaker than he ever had before. +M’gann. Can you shut everyone else out of the link? I just want to talk to my brother, one last time.+_

 

_M’gann broke into tears as Connor held her in his arms, but she complied. One by one, she cut the link between all of them until it was just Dick and Jason left. Not even Miss M would hear their words; she facilitated the connection, but she wasn’t privy to it._

 

_+Dick+ He placed a trembling hand on his brother’s hands, stopping his work. +Enough. You did your best, but it’s over.+_

 

_Dick didn’t respond through the link, and his face remained impassively resigned, but Jason could feel the anguish that wracked his brother._

 

_Jason had never known his own parents, and he’d long ago learned and accepted from his life on the streets that anything could be taken from him at a moment’s notice, so while he could appreciate the losses his adoptive brother and father had experienced, he’d never known before now how hard it was for them to deal with it. For the first time, he could feel how hard it was for them to deal with the pain of losing someone unjustly._

 

_He knew there was nothing he could say to make Dick feel better, so he tried to show it instead. Through the link, he made his brother see everything he felt. His gratitude to Bruce, Dick and Alfred for taking him in and making him one of their family, those two short years ago. His absolute belief that he’d given his life for a good cause. And, mixed with it all, a silent plea for his brother to keep going, keep fighting._

 

_Jason took Dick’s hand with the only one of his that still worked and squeezed. His bloodstained teeth were grit tight from the effort of concentrating through the pain he was in, but his psychic voice remained clear. +I did my best, Dick. I always did my best. I hope it was enough.+_

 

_+It was more than enough. You did good, Jason. You did good. I’m proud of you.+ Dick sent, solemnly. There was no reply. +Jason?+_

 

_It was too much. The effort of their enhanced connection had drained Jason of the little strength he had left. Dick could feel Jason’s mind slowly flickering out of existence, as tangible as a candle dying out in the wind._

 

_+Jason?+ He sent again._

 

_Jason closed his eyes behind his mask. And then he was gone. Despite the fact that they weren’t linked, the other members of the Team gave a collective shudder; they felt something brush across their consciousness as it left them forever._

 

_Dick squeezed his brother’s lifeless hand. He was a boy again, kneeling over the broken bodies of his family._

 

_+Jason?+_

 

 

**The Watchtower**

**December 1st, 2016**

**11:35 PM EST**

 

“Happy Birthday.” Tim said into his standard-issue bat phone. He stood alone in the Watchtower atrium, leaning comfortably against a tree. The phone’s signal was bounced through an array of satellites before being beamed down to an identical device that Dick held in his hand. 

 

“Thanks.” Dick smiled. Technically speaking, Tim was a couple hours late because of the time difference, but he didn’t mind. All in all, it was a strange feeling. He was now 20 years old, and officially no longer a teenager. He didn’t think it would bother him as much as it did. 

 

“How’s your love life?” He asked.

 

“How’s _your_ love life?” Tim responded.

 

Dick laughed. “Touché.” He kept silent, because he knew his little brother well enough to know that the answer to his question would be forthcoming. 

 

“It’s ok, I guess.” Tim said a second later, unknowingly proving Dick right. “I have a problem though.” The tone in which he said it made it clear to Dick that this was a personal problem, rather than a life or death one. 

 

Dick’s ears perked up. “Yes?”

 

“What should I do with Cassie?” Tim asked. “It’ll be New Year’s Eve soon. I don’t know if she wants me to kiss her.”

 

Dick couldn’t help but give a soft chuckle. Tim must have heard him, because his voice came through the phone again a little more intently. “I’m serious Dick. I’ve never had a girlfriend before. I don’t know what I should do, or how I should be doing it.”

 

“I know, Tim. I’m sorry.” Dick shrugged. “I’m not laughing at you. I just don’t know if I’m the best person to ask about this.”

 

“Why?” Tim asked curiously. “You’ve had girlfriends before.” 

 

Dick tilted his head in thought at his statement. “Well, that’s true, but I’ve been dating girls for 6 years now, and I don’t think I’m any closer to fully understanding them.” 

 

“And Bruce is a better person to ask about this sort of thing? Or Alfred?” Tim pressed.

 

“Fair point,” Dick conceded. “But, you’re still talking to the wrong person.”

 

“What do you mean?” Tim’s voice was insistent. 

 

Dick paused. He was honestly surprised at how seriously Tim was taking their conversation. But he supposed he could understand; your first girlfriend always had a way of making you worry about the simplest of things. He had certainly had a rough time trying to figure out how to act with Zatanna.

 

The problem was trying to adequately put it into perspective for Tim. If Dick couldn’t really explain it to himself, how was he supposed to do it for someone else?Dick thought about the ever growing list of ex-girlfriends that would probably be lining up to give him a birthday kiss right about now, if he were on the Watchtower.

 

He found himself wishing he was there to receive them. 

 

“It’s… complicated.”

 

“No kidding.” Tim replied. Dick could hear the exasperation in his voice. It wasn’t directed at him; Tim was way too nice and loyal for that. 

 

Tim’s problem was when he couldn’t figure something out, he always decided it was because he wasn’t good enough, or smart enough. Dick knew all about that, having felt everything Tim was feeling himself. The difference was, Dick knew how to not let it affect his actions too acutely. 

  
“I dunno Tim.” Dick said, trying to empathize with his little brother. “There’s no instructions, or user’s manual for this kind of thing. Just go with what you think is right, and hope things will work out. That’s pretty much all you can do.”

 

Tim let out a frustrated breath. “It’s like, everyone else took a class that I missed.” He said, kicking the dirt in frustration. “I never learned what you’re supposed to do after you figure out you like a girl.”

 

“Lemme tell you a secret?” Dick said. “It’s like that for everyone.”

 

“Yeah?” Tim asked hopefully. 

 

“Yeah.” Dick nodded. If he could have given Tim a hug through the phone, he would have.“Don’t worry; you pick it up as you go along. I can’t say that you’ll ever completely understand relationships, I know I don’t, but you do learn things that make the whole process easier.”

 

“Like what?”

 

Dick thought hard for something practical. Things like learning that, on average, it took a girl 30 minutes to pick out a pair of shoes, or that a girl always had room for dessert no matter how full she said she was crossed his mind, but then he thought of something that would help Tim specifically. 

  
“Well, for starters,” he said, knowing that his little brother was listening carefully to his every word. “I think that yes, Cassie would probably like to have a New Year’s kiss with her boyfriend.“

 

“Thanks.” Tim said, sounding very sincere. The tension and stress hadn’t disappeared from his voice, but it had diminished greatly. Dick smiled to himself. 

“Where are you now anyway?” his little brother asked.

 

“Nanda Parbat. It’s between Nepal and Tibet.”

 

“Hmm.” Tim pondered, searching his memory. The name sounded familiar to him. “Bruce studied martial arts there, didn’t he?”

 

“Among other things.” Dick said evasively. He had to stifle the urge to yawn; getting to Nanda Parbat had required hiking steep, unmarked paths at high altitudes for the better part of two weeks, and he was tired. “I’m gonna call it a night Tim. Early mornings are a way of life around here.”

 

“Alright.” Tim said. “Night.”

 

“Night.” Dick replied before cutting the connection and going to sleep. 

 

He rose with the sun the next morning, joining the monks of Nanda Parbat for their morning meditations in the main hall. For these monks, their ultimate goal in life was attaining peace and enlightenment, whether it was through the calm detachment of meditation, or the razor sharp focus of martial arts. Bruce had taught him the art of meditation long ago, mostly for its practical applications.

 

Dick tried to hold on to the state of detachment that he knew existed, where he could be aware of his emotions without being burdened by them, but it was impossible. They washed over him in an uncontrollable torrent: longing, heartache, indecision, but above all, guilt.

 

Jason had been his brother, a true and committed son of Batman, and when he’d died Dick had sworn that he’d keep fighting, that he’d make his brother’s sacrifice mean something by making sure that they won. He’d sacrificed many of the things he’d held dear in order to keep that promise, and even though it had taken him all this time to put his life together again, he knew that his commitment to Jason and Bruce meant that he’d be drawn to sacrifice everything again, if and when it was required. 

 

But things had changed. He couldn’t give his life without a second thought, the way he’d been willing to before, without invalidating the sacrifice Wally had made for him.  His best friend had died so that he could live, and that was something Dick could never throw away, never give up, even if he wanted to. He missed Wally, but the experiences of the last few months, and the anticipation of joining the Team and being with his friends again had made life worth living once again. 

He was torn. He felt like owed both Jason’s and Wally’s memory _everything_ , and it felt like he couldn't fulfill his obligation to one of them without betraying his obligation to the other. He’d thought that isolation that he’d felt before Wally’s death had been the rock bottom for him, but he’d rapidly come to the conclusion that this was much worse. 

 

At least, back then, he’d been able to live with himself, content with the knowledge that he was doing the right thing even if it was breaking him apart inside.  Now, there was no contentment to be found in the guilt that had consumed him over the last few weeks. 

 

That was why he had come here, to Nanda Parbat, to what felt like the end of the Earth. 

 

He found the situation ironic, in a way. He’d come to Nanda Parbat looking for answers, thinking that merely be reaching this near-mythical place, the path forward would be revealed to him. But then, he’d once thought the same about getting older, and despite the fact that he’d just celebrated his 20th birthday, Dick still felt no wiser than the nine year old that Bruce had taken in all those years ago.

 

Now more than ever, Dick needed to know how to move forward with his life, whichever way it took him. He needed to either detach himself completely from his emotions in order to function, or make his peace with them. That was what he’d told the monks, when he’d first arrived, and that was why they had let him stay. 

 

So far, anyway. He’d arrived just under a week ago, but was told that Lama Norbu, abbott of Nanda Parbat, was in seclusion and would emerge in several days. It was the Lama who was supposed to advise him on whether or not he would find what he sought in Nanda Parbat, and so Dick was forced to wait. But he wouldn’t be waiting for much longer: the monks had told him earlier that morning that Lama Norbu had emerged from his seclusion, and would meet with him in the afternoon.

 

“Thank you for agreeing to see me, Lama Norbu.” It was with a profound sense of relief that Dick placed his hands togetherand bowed in greeting to Lama Norbu at the start of his private audience. The Lama looked ancient, almost skeletal in his appearance, but his eyes still held plenty of vitality. And warmth.

 

“It’s no trouble,” Lama Norbu placed his hands together and returned the gesture, before motioning for Dick to take a seat. The Lama spoke in thickly accented but flowing English as he poured Dick a cup of butter tea. ““I apologize for my English. I don’t often have a chance to practice it here.” He smiled.

 

Dick smiled back, taking a minuscule sip of tea out of respect. He kept his face smiling, even though he wanted to grimace. Drinking a cup of butter tea was little different from drinking a cup of melted butter. “Not at all. Your English is much better than my Tibetan.”

 

The wizened old man chuckled at that. “My brothers tell me that you’ve been waiting for some time.”

 

“Yes.” Dick had no idea how his unorthodox request would go, but now that he was here, he felt compelled to voice it. “I wish to undergo tögal.”

 

Tögal was an obscure practice, no longer utilized by many buddhist sects because of its extreme nature. In tögal, the practitioner was kept in complete and total isolation for 49 days, the traditional period between death and rebirth in Buddhist belief. The purpose was to allow the participant to reflect upon the nature of his soul.

 

Bruce’s written accounts from his pre-Batman years, journeying around the world to pick up crime-fighting skills and philosophies, had mentioned the practice in hushed tones of awe. The young man that Bruce had been at the time described how the monks of Nanda Parbat had combined mysticism and herbal medicines in order to take the practice to a new level, allowing a practitioner of their version of tögal to enter a death like state in order to receive glimpses and visions of his soul. 

 

Lama Norbu frowned, the warmth behind his eyes slowly replaced with scrutiny. “May I ask why?”

 

Dick tried to put his situation into words. “My mentor came here, many years ago.” He started simply. “His parents were taken from him, and he wandered for a long time, trying to find some meaning in their deaths. He found something in tögal, something that gave him purpose again.”

 

“I’ve had a lot taken from me too, Lama Norbu. It’s why he chose to take me in when I was a boy. He wanted to try and help me overcome it, and for a while it worked. But now… I’m lost.”

 

“I see.” Lama Norbu replied. He stood up, motioning for Dick to join him as he 

walked. They left the Lama’s private chambers and emerged onto a balcony, overlooking a central courtyard where some of the monks were running through their martial arts forms. 

 

“I know the man speak of.” The Lama said, watching his monks practice as he walked, with Dick following close behind. “He came to us, wishing to experience the cycle of rebirth. He told us that his rage for their loss had become unbearable.”

 

“Yeah.” Dick said ruefully. “That sounds like him.”

 

Bruce had never described what he’d seen during his enforced isolation, but the tone of the journals he kept had changed noticeably after the time he’d spent in Nanda Parbat. They were more forceful in their resolve. More determined. Absolutely committed to his crusade against crime.

 

“Then you know he emerged from tögal a changed man. Darker. Poisoned. More driven by his anger than before.” Lama Norbu stopped to lean on one of the beams supporting the ceiling over the balcony. 

 

“Such a thing goes against our purpose here.” He looked at Dick. “I do not wish to see more souls poisoned by their grief.”

 

Dick nodded in understanding. “I don’t want to be poisoned by it either. But I’ve been living with my anger and my grief for so long now that I don’t know who I am without it. That’s why I need to do this.” 

 

Lama Norbu looked contemplative. Dick was an expert at reading people, but right at that moment he couldn’t tell what the old man was thinking. The thought of being turned away made him panic. “I understand why you’re hesitant. My mentor…” He trailed off. He amended his statement. “My father. His past is what defines him, and he’s held onto it for as long as I can remember. Even though his actions are driven by his anger, he’s still one of the best men I know. Everything he does is to try and spare other people from the loss that he feels every day.”

 

“His way of doing things isn’t the best way, but I know it works. But I also don’t want to become like him in order to do what he does. If there’s even the slightest chance that undergoing tögal can help me figure out another way, I need to take it.”

 

The old Lama turned to face him. “Yes. I can see that.” He took a step forward. “This man,” He said, tapping him on the chest. “And this one,” he continued, tapping him in the middle of his forehead. “are locked in conflict. Unless you can achieve balance, you are fated to suffer, as your father did.”

 

“I know.”

 

Lama Norbu nodded, as if he expected no other outcome. “I will not deny you, but you must know that undergoing tögal is dangerous.” 

 

Dick knew. He’d read detailed studies on how profoundly sensory deprivation could affect a person. People who had spent as little as 48 hours in complete isolation had been known to experience hallucinations, paranoia, and degraded cognitive function. 49 days could leave him insane. 

 

The other part of him didn’t care. It already felt like his guilt was going to drive him insane. If he was going to go crazy, he’d rather do it his way.

 

“I know the risks.” He replied simply. 

 

Lama Norbu gave a contemplative hum. “I’m afraid that the ritual must be carried out as tradition demands. It will take a lot of time to prepare.”

 

“Trust me.” Dick said. “I’m not going anywhere.”

 

————————————————————————————————————

 

_The bio-ship floated gently through the air, making no noise, untroubled by turbulence as it made its way back towards Mount Justice. Somehow, Dick decided, that was worse. Things would be better if there were noises to distract him, movements to bother him, something to draw his attention other than his brother’s cape shrouded body._

 

_He sat in the cargo hold, back against the wall, not having moved after carrying Jason inside the ship. The others were up front. He should have joined them._

 

_He didn’t._

 

_Dick felt diminished somehow. Hollow. It felt like a very real piece of him had died along with Jason. Idly, he wondered if that perception was merely a feeling, or a direct result of the psychic connection he and Jason had shared in his final moments._

_Ultimately, he supposed it didn’t matter._

 

_His brother was dead._

 

_Zatanna entered the cargo hold. He could feel her regarding him. He awaited her words._

 

_None came. Instead, she sat down next to him, knees tucked underneath her, hands in her lap. The two of them remained there, not saying a word, though eventually she leaned her head against his shoulder. Dimly, despite not removing his gaze from Jason, he became aware that she was weeping._

 

_He envied her in that moment. He couldn’t cry. He’d forgotten how. The last time he had done it had been when he was nine. He wrapped his arm around her waist and drew her closer, gently leaning his head atop hers._

 

_He hated himself for thinking it, but in the back of his mind, he hoped that she would shed enough tears for the both of them._

 


	11. Trial

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For Ian,  
> of course.

**Nanda Parbat**

**Date Unknown**

**Time Unknown**

 

Not for the first time, Dick wondered what he was getting himself into. Lama Norbu hadn’t been kidding, the preparations necessary for Togal had taken the better part of a month: he’d been forced to make pilgrimages to several important sites around the area, both in order to respect the ancient traditions that had governed the monks for centuries, and gather the ingredients the monks needed in order to prepare their secret formulas. 

 

Once that was done, he’d been effectively entombed what felt like several lifetimes ago, on January 3rd. 

 

As he’d been instructed, he’d laid in the middle of a dark room on top of a wooden slab, no bigger than the closet of his room back at Wayne Manor, while several monks had laid out incense and bowls of a smoking substance around him. There was enough space for him to stand up and walk for a few steps in any direction, but that was it. The only source of light had been the doorway he’d entered from, and that had been sealed. 

 

He’d watched as the monks swung a heavy wooden door into place, leaving Dick alone in complete darkness, with only his thoughts for company.

 

It wasn’t too bad at first, though the silence and inability to move very far grated on him. He’d always hated sitting still. 

 

Tögal wasn’t what he’d expected. Nothing had happened in the first week he’d spent alone. Or the second. Or the third. He’d tried to leave after the fourth, but he couldn’t find the doorway that he’d entered the room through. With sight denied to him in the pitch black of his confinement, he had been forced to try and find it from memory and touch. His rational mind told him it was still there, but he had run his hands over every inch the four walls confining him, and hadn’t felt anything but smooth rock. 

 

For all intents and purposes, he was trapped. 

 

He’d lost count of the time he’d been alone on day 24. Now, it could’ve been a month since he’d been sealed in, or he could’ve been hours from freedom, and it would have been a surprise to him either way. Maybe this was what going crazy felt like. Maybe he’d gone crazy weeks ago, and he simply hadn’t noticed.

 

Surprisingly, he never felt hungry, or cold, or thirsty: there was no physical sensation from his body that he could focus on. He spoke to the emptiness surrounding him. His voice didn’t echo. Sometimes, he’d push his knuckles against his closed eyes, trying to make bright pressure smears of color appear, just to break up the monotony of the constant darkness. It didn’t work. 

 

The darkness he sat in seemed to swallow his entire being whole, a physical manifestation of how he was beginning to feel inside.

 

His “day” began when he opened his eyes, and it ended when he was able to coax his body into sleeping once again. Increasingly, there were moments where he couldn’t tell if he was awake or asleep. No matter how hard he tried, he didn’t receive visions when he meditated, or come to any realizations, as the monks had told him he would. 

 

Denied any other option, Dick did the only thing he could do: he waited.

——————————————————————————————————————————

 

**Gotham City**

**January 25th, 2017**

**00:15 AM EST**

Tim was worried. He watched as the blip representing Dick Grayson remained unmoving on the map displayed on his holographic computer. 

 

Dick’s routine for the last few months had been to move on to a new place every one or two weeks, but according to the tracking device built into the bat-phone Dick carried with him, his older brother had stayed put for the better part of a month. 

 

Both Dick and Batman himself had taught him that, when tracking someone, changes in routine almost always signified something. Tim wished he knew what this change signified. 

 

“Robin.” Batman’s voice brought him out of his silent contemplation. The two of them were perched on top of a loading crane, keeping watch on a warehouse nearby. His mentor was looking through a pair of binoculars, but it was clear he knew that Tim had been distracted. “Put that away. Focus.”

 

Tim accepted the chastisement in silence, closing down the holographic display and resuming his vigil. Standard procedure was for one of them to keep watch on their surroundings while the other kept watch on the target. It never hurt to be too careful, especially with the villains they encountered on a semi-regular basis. You never knew which would be assassin or mercenary might want to try and make his or her reputation by killing Batman and Robin. 

 

The question slipped out before Tim could stop himself. “You’re not worried about him? He hasn’t checked in for weeks.”

 

Batman didn’t answer. He didn’t even move. Tim could still hear the lesson Batman would have given him in his head. _Worry has its place. It’s alright to worry about the things that you can’t control. But never let it get in the way of your actions. Never let it distract you from the mission._

 

Tim frowned as he scanned the buildings around them. He kept his mouth shut for the rest of the night, resolving to become as focused as his mentor.

 

——————————————————————————————————————————

 

Something did change, eventually. 

 

One “day”, he opened his eyes and realized that there was a physicality to the darkness now, one that left him free to use his senses again. Where before it was all encompassing, now he could see his body outlined perfectly against the nothingness that surrounded him. It was like being lit up by a spotlight that only worked on him. Instead of the robes that he’d been wearing when the monks had sealed him in though, he was now clad in his Nightwing armor.

 

He could explore again too: he got up and walked experimentally, and realized he’d gone far beyond the physical dimensions of the room that he knew he was still trapped in. He didn’t question it: this sort of thing mystical incongruence was exactly what he was looking for. Instead, he just walked. Movement always helped him think, always helped him process. 

 

He didn’t get more than a few steps before a familiar voice spoke to him from behind. 

 

“You’re an idiot. You know that?”

 

Dick whirled in surprise. “Wally?” He said in breathless disbelief.

 

His best friend looked exactly the same as the last time he’d seen him. “But, you’re dead.” Dick said, stumbling backwards. He was too shocked for much in the way of eloquence. 

 

“And your point is…?” Wally replied, bemused. He walked towards Dick, hands in his pockets, as if he didn’t have a care in the world. 

 

Dick turned away, resigned. “That this isn’t real.”

 

“Maybe. Maybe not.” Wally put a hand on his shoulder as he reached him. It certainly felt real enough to Dick. “You got someplace better to be?”

 

Despite the situation, Dick smiled faintly. Even if the Wally he was talking to here wasn’t real, he was still a damn convincing imitation. And Dick wanted to talk.

 

Wally smiled, as if he knew what Dick was thinking. “You didn’t answer my question.”

 

Dick gave a soft laugh. “Yes, I did know that. I’m an idiot, but I’m amazingly self-aware.”

 

“If you were that self-aware, we wouldn’t be here, would we?”

 

Dick met his friend’s warm eyes. “I guess you got me there.”

 

Wally gave him a pat on the shoulder before letting go. “You spend all this time running from the shadow of your mentor, and you decide the best way to figure things out is to follow his footsteps exactly and come here?”

 

Dick shrugged. “It made sense to me at the time. I suppose, at the end of the day, I wanted to break myself on the same anvil that Bruce did to see if deep down, I really am the same as Batman.”

 

“How’s that working out for you?” Wally asked, looking around in confusion at the darkness of their surroundings.

 

“It’s a work in progress.” Dick said, joining his friend in his examination. “If this is supposed to be my soul, it’s kind of dark. And empty. You think I should be worried?”

 

“Hey, I’m here, aren’t I?” Wally said. 

 

Dick smiled. It had been too long since they’d done this. Just hung out and talked. Joked about the problems in their lives. A very real pang of sadness passed through Dick as he realized he’d never actually be able to do talk with his best friend again. 

 

Wally’s face held nothing but compassion and understanding as he watched Dick. 

 

“Do you remember that night? When all three of us set off for Cadmus and broke Superboy out, all those years ago?” Dick asked, remembering the scene in its entirety.

 

Slowly, the image he’d been thinking of coalesced in front of him, like a life size diorama. Every detail of that night he could recall was there. The four of them crouching down in the rubble of Cadmus’ upper floors, which had come crashing down on their heads. All four of them looked skyward as the Justice League descended from the sky. Their expressions showed the anger and confusion that came from trying to figure out what the hell the “sidekicks” had gotten up to while they’d been away. 

 

With a thought, Dick froze the recreation and took a hesitant step forward, becoming one with the memory. 

 

He smelled the dust in the air from the building’s collapse, felt the aches and pains of his body from their fight with Blockbuster. He smiled at the simplicity of what they’d done, the tactics they’d used to bring Blockbuster down.

 

Wally stepped forward into the memory as well, joining Dick in standing next to their younger selves. “As if I could forget.” He smiled. “This was a good memory.” 

 

Dick nodded. “I remember feeling like we could do anything that night.” He moved to stand directly in front of himself, and even though the reproduction didn’t see him, they regarded each other. The 13 year old boy, and the man that he had become. 

 

”Who knew that this would be where we ended up.” Dick said, wistfully. “I miss the kids that we were then.”

 

“Me too.” Wally said in sympathy. 

 

Putting the first memory on display had seemed to trigger a chain reaction, and now the darkness was was lit up like a museum gallery, with each significant moment of his life recreated and put on display. 

 

Dick walked towards them, with Wally following close behind. They spoke as they walked, but less than one might think; Wally had been there for most of his significant moments, and he seemed just as content to relive the old days as Dick did. It was for that reason that Dick tried to stay from the memories that only concerned him.

 

They wandered far and wide through the gallery of his soul for what felt like years, though it could have just as easily been minutes. Time had no meaning here. Dick could have easily lost himself in the past, except for the fact that he felt something pulling him away. It wasn’t an intrusive feeling, but it was an insistent one. Like a magnet, something was calling him towards it, but it left him free to explore as he moved towards it.

 

They’d definitely shared bad memories: Tula’s death, their arguments with each other, and the missions that they’d failed as a Team, to name a few. But, the good ones that he saw outnumbered them by a wide margin. Simpler memories, perhaps, but still good, and no less important to them. They stopped to watch their respective first kisses on that first New Year’s Eve. The times Wally had come to him for help after failing to remember Valentine’s Day. The first time they’d fought together, side by side in the pre-Team days.

 

“You know,” Wally said at one point, as they watched a 15 year old Dick Grayson cackle as he flung a handful of batarangs at Shimmer. “This job could be real fun for you again, if you let it.”

 

“I wish.” Dick said, voice full of regret. “I can’t treat this as a game anymore Wally. Not with what’s at stake.”

 

Wally was unmoved. “Yes, much better to drive yourself crazy worrying about the next bad thing that’s gonna happen.” He gave him a sad look, as if he knew something that Dick didn’t. “It never stops, Dick.” 

 

Dick reached out and took Wally’s shoulder. “Is that why you retired?” He asked, sincerely. He’d always agreed with Wally’s decision, since the logic behind it was flawless. But as smart as Wally was, he’d always been a man driven by his emotions, not his logic. 

 

That had always been one of Dick’s greatest fears: that his best friend had abandoned him because he thought they were fighting a losing battle. 

 

Wally shook his head. “Of course not. I never told you, but… I missed being a hero. You know how much I loved it. Being able to fight next to you, hang out with the Team. It was good. Better than good. But as much I loved it, I loved Artemis more.”

 

Wally gestured at another memory. Dick recognized it immediately: it was from when after Tula had died- he’d accidentally walked in on Wally comforting Artemis, holding her close and whispering to her in the Cave’s kitchen. Wally walked over to the memory, and Dick followed behind him. “Dick, you have the biggest heart out of anyone I’ve ever known. It’s one of the things that inspired me, over the years. Even with all the crap that the world has thrown at you over the years, you’re still the best man I know. But can anyone go through what you’ve gone through without breaking? Bending, just a little bit?” 

 

It was a rhetorical question. They’d both lived through the answer. None of them, not even Wally, had emerged from the last few years unscathed. 

 

Wally sighed and looked back, apologetic but unashamed. “That’s what I was afraid of. You know how much she loves the Team. You saw how hard on her it was to lose Jason and Tula. I didn’t want our losses to break Artemis… the way they broke you. I’m sorry.”

 

“That’s alright. I don’t blame you.” Dick said, completely truthful. “You did the right thing. I know you’d have helped me, once Artemis was back, if things had been different.”

 

The pull on him was growing stronger. From where they stood, in the memory Wally had led him to,two other memories came into view right next to each other. When Dick realized what they were memories of, he was hesitant. These memories were easily two of the most painful he had. But they called to him, and they would not be denied. 

 

Without even realizing it, he took two steps forward. Wally stopped him with an outstretched arm. “You don’t have to.”

 

“Yes, I do” Dick replied. He understood Wally’s concern, misplaced as it was. His friend had always tried to keep his mind off of his losses. As if it were that easy. 

 

He stepped forward. 

 

——————————————————————————————————————————

**The Watchtower**

**January 28th, 2017**

**21:11 EST**

 

“Dick Grayson, when I find you…” Barbara muttered to herself, furious. She typed rapidly into the Watchtower computer, simultaneously compiling mission reports for the Team and conducting a search for the former boy wonder. It was inefficient, doing both tasks at once, but it was the only way she was able to keep her search secret from the rest of the Team.

 

At first she’d been able to rally some support from everyone by insisting that she was tracking down Nightwing for Artemis, so that they could talk, but ever since he’d called the archer on Wally’s birthday Artemis had made it clear to everyone that she wanted to leave Dick alone until he was ready to come back. As a result, Barbara was now the only one really looking for him. 

 

Deep down, Barbara doubted that she’d ever find him if he didn’t want to be found. There were false trails all over the globe, on six of the seven continents, in dozens of different cities. It wasn’t as if she was just up against him either; she was essentially trying to find someone who was being hidden by Batman, Robin, _and_ Nightwing

 

Barbara knew she was good, but she wasn’t that good. 

 

She wished she could talk to him, tell him how sorry she was. She wished that she could tell him that even if they weren’t together anymore, that they were still friends. They’d been friends from the moment they’d first met, he’d always been there for her when she needed him. She felt guilty that she’d driven him away, when he finally reached out to her with his burdens. 

 

She wished he was here. 

 

“Batgirl.” Aqualad called to her. “Are you ready?”

 

“Yes.” She replied, pulling up the briefing that she’d prepared earlier. The program that she’d written to search for Nightwing would keep working while she helped Kaldur brief the Team on their new mission. 

 

And she knew, just like the last 208 days since Dick had left, it wouldn’t find anything.

——————————————————————————————————————————

 

The air was chilly as he stepped into the memory.The trees were tall, almost completely obscuring the night sky from his view. He could see the broken branches of the trees Jason must have hit on his fall. 

 

Dick crouched down, looking on as his younger self clutched on to Jason’s hand in the futile hope that his brother would be alright. “It seems like only yesterday Bruce told me that he was thinking about taking in another orphan.” He reached out, fingertips inches from Jason’s face, but pulled back with a sigh. “And now he’s been dead for two and a half years.”

  
He stood up again. “I wonder what he’d say to me now.”

 

“He’d tell youthat you were being an idiot. Did you really think he wanted you to kill yourself in order to win? He wanted you to fight for the world, sure, but he also wanted you to live in it too. He’d be happy with what you’ve done to honor him.” Wally spoke in tones of hushed disbelief, as if he couldn’t believe that he was being forced to explain something that was obvious. 

 

“Dick, you and your plan saved the world.”

 

Dick gave him a sad look. “Not all of it, Wally.” 

 

The memory shifted, dissolving and reforming in the blink of an eye. Swirling snow was held in mid air as it blew across the bleak arctic landscape. A vortex of energy reached hundreds of feet into the sky. A lightning bolt bounced off the ground and raced off into the sky, frozen in mid-arc.

 

The snow crunched beneath his feet as he walked forward towards the vortex. He knew Wally was following behind him. 

 

This wasn’t a true memory, he knew that much. Events had unfolded too fast for him to really comprehend what had happened. This was a subconscious recreation of the event, built from what the Flash had told him had happened, and his own experience there.

 

He came to a stop an arms length away from the three speedster. The Wally that was part of the recreation was frozen in mid step, almost translucent as the energy disintegrated him. Both Barry and Bart looked on, their faces suspended in expressions of shock and horror. 

 

Dick stood and took it all in, a thin film of tears gathering in his eyes. He held them back. He wanted to fall to his knees, as Artemis had done, but he held himself up. He kept his voice clear as he spoke. “It should’ve been me, Wally. You had everything to live for, and I… It should’ve been me.”

 

Wally stood by his side, glancing at him with sad eyes. “You really think I’d have been alright with you gone?”  
  
“Maybe. Maybe not.” Dick said impassively. “At least you’d still be alive.”

 

He gestured at himself, at the armor he wore and the weapons he carried. “I should be dead, Wally. I should’ve died a long time ago. It’s simple math. I’m just a normal guy with a lot of gadgets on his belt, but I get into fistfights with people who have super-strength, clash with entities with enough power to destroy the world, and duel with telepaths who could crush me with a thought, all to name a few. They only need to get lucky once to kill me. I need to be lucky every single time in order to survive.” 

 

Dick shrugged, not taking his eyes off the frozen image. “In the grand scheme of things, you were more important than me. You were more valuable than me. That’s all there is to it.”

 

Wally laid a hand on Dick’s shoulder in sympathy. “Can you name anybody, any one of our friends, who’d be better off if you’d died instead of me?”

 

Dick didn’t even hesitate.“You would.”

 

“I doubt it.” Wally said, gently. “But even if you’re right, what about everyone else? Zatanna? Tim? Bruce? Where would they be without you? I may not be the detective you are, but it’s not all that hard to figure out. Zatanna’s already got issues from losing her dad. How do you think she’d feel from losing the love of her life? Tim would have been crushed under the weight of Batman’s expectations, and Bruce… I know losing Jason was hard on both of you, but if things had been different, and they’d lost you instead… I think that would have been enough to tip them over the edge.”

 

Wally seized him by the shoulders. “I was your best friend. Did you really think I blamed you for something that the Light was responsible for? It shouldn’t have been either of us. But it needed to be me. I don’t regret that.”

 

Dick turned around and started walking, hoping to leave the memory behind. Wally didn’t let him get away. “What is it with you and this fixation on becoming a martyr?”

 

“I’m not.” Dick said, annoyed. This was a conversation they’d had before many times, without resolution. “It’s about protecting my friends. That’s all it’s ever been about. I’m willing to take the hits, make sacrifices so that the rest of you don’t have to.”

 

“I know. I always knew. That’s what makes you one of the best people I know. But you know what your problem is, Dick? There’s selflessness, and then there’s self-denial. I know you’ve lost a lot, but-” 

 

Dick stopped walking. Wally halted in confusion.

 

“Lost.” Dick repeated, his tone cold. The topic had always been one of the things that had always driven a wedge between them. He’d always resented it when people tried to tell him how to deal with his grief. “Who have you ever lost?” 

 

He started walking again, leaving Wally to catch up. Even though he didn’t know how to navigate in this strange place, the memory he wanted to find beckoned to him, drawing him towards it like a moth to a flame. 

 

When he finally stopped, he found himself in the middle of a big top. The only people he could see were the only people that mattered: his family, all of them smiling as they entered the giant tent, looking exactly the same as he remembered them. 

 

His cousin Johnny, strong and composed, ready to take on the world and show it what he could do. His uncle Rick and his aunt Karla, like newlyweds, clinging to each other despite the fact that they’d been married for over 20 years. He could see himself too, and his parents. His mom smiled as she doted on him while his dad carried him in easily on his broad shoulders. 

 

They were greeted by thunderous applause from a non-existent audience. Wally caught up to him just as Jack Haly’s familiar voice introduced them. “Ladies and Gentlemen. The Flying Graysons!”

 

The music. The opening moves. The audience’s reactions. It was all exactly as he remembered it, and it was torture to endure. He knew exactly when the net would come down, knew exactly when the finale began. From the ground, Dick could see Johnny reach out to ruffle his younger self’s hair one last time, see his mouth move to form the words that he still remembered by heart. “Don’t worry, squirt, you’ll get a chance sooner than you think.”

 

Johnny leapt out to join the rest of their family on the bar, and… Dick wanted to look away, but he couldn’t. For as long as he could remember, the sequence of events that came next were a blur, but here, he was able to watch with perfect clarity.

 

The air felt like it was sucked out of the tent. 

 

His mother hit the ground first. Then his father and his aunt. Then his uncle. Then finally his cousin. Dick felt the snap of Johnny’s neck breaking, and felt something break inside himself too. If people thought Dick was a good big brother, it was only because Johnny had shown him how to be one by example.

 

There was a scream from the invisible audience. 

 

He knew it wasn’t real. He didn’t care. 

 

The time it took him to stumble forward in a daze to where his family lay was the exact same amount of time it took his younger self to climb down from the board and sprint forward. However unintentionally, he was mirroring his younger self. Both of them dropped to their knees like puppets with their strings cut, clutching at the dirt beneath them in impotent rage and sadness.

 

He hadn’t cried that night, all those years ago. He had in the days that followed, but that night… that night he’d been too numb, too overwhelmed by the magnitude of his loss to cry. He didn’t cry now. Dick kept his voice composed as he spoke.“This is just the start of what I’ve lost, Wally. You’ll never understand what this feels like.” 

 

He didn’t look up as Wally knelt down to his left. 

 

“I’m sorry, Dick.” He said, gently. “You’re right. I don’t know what this feels like. But I know it must be terrible. And I’m sorry that I’ve made you go through it again.”

 

Dick gave a shuddery breath, unable to look away from his family. “Some days, it feels like I’ve lost everyone I’ve ever cared about.”

 

“That’s because you care about everybody.” Wally’s face held no trace of irony or amusement as he spoke. “And everybody dies.”

 

Dick took a deep breath, but nodded.

 

“If it helps…” Wally added. “I think this is what makes you different from Batman.”

 

“What?” The comment left Dick puzzled. This trauma, this pain, was exactly what had connected him to Batman. It was what had made Bruce take under his wing in the first place.

 

“Look.” Wally gestured behind Dick’s right shoulder with his head.

 

Dick followed Wally’s gaze. He hadn’t seen the man approach 10 years ago, and he hadn’t seen him approach now. 

 

Bruce. 

 

His younger self mirrored him, looking up in a daze, not knowing the identity of the man in the fine suit who had approached him. 

 

Bruce stood there, looking down at the small boy kneeling on the dirt in front of him, empathy etched onto his features. Their eyes met, and though he hadn’t recognized it at the time, the knowledge of shared loss flickered across his mentor’s eyes. Bruce knelt down to scoop the boy up into his arms. 

 

“Come with me.” Bruce said gently but firmly, carrying the boy away, shielding him from the unblinking stares of his dead family with his own body. 

 

Bruce walked away, heading towards the exit. His back was facing Dick, but Dick didn’t need to be able to see in order to know what happened next: he remembered it as clearly as if it happened yesterday. In his mind, he could still see Bruce’s dark brown eyes meeting his own bright blue ones, keeping his gaze fixed upon them. “There was nothing you could have done.” 

 

His younger self clutched Bruce tightly, and Bruce returned the gesture. “I’m sorry.” Bruce whispered to him.

 

Dick remained on his knees, watching as Bruce carried him out of the big top and into the world beyond. As they reached the threshold of the tent and left, the big top collapsed and dissolved into blackness, leaving him and Wally surrounded by emptiness once again. 

 

“This was your answer, Dick. Do you think when Batman came here, he had anything like what you just saw? People that he showed his real identity to? Friends who he could turn to in his moments of doubt? People he loved that could support him when he needed it?”

 

Dick knew Wally was right. Bruce had never let himself have much beyond what was necessary for his mission. Maybe it was a defensive mechanism to stop him from losing more. Maybe it was out of commitment to their cause. Dick had never asked. It had never mattered before. 

 

“I miss them so much, Wally.” Dick said, softly, still looking at the spot where his family had fallen. “I miss Jason, I miss Tula, I miss Roy and Donna and Garth and the Marvels.” He finally looked up. After all, this would very likely be the last time he ever spoke with his best friend. Even if he was a hallucination. “And I miss you.”

 

Wally’s face held nothing but understanding. “Me too, Dick, me too.” He reached down and helped Dick up off the ground by his shoulders. “But as hard as it is to accept, I’m gone. You can’t change what happened, or what you did, especially to yourself. You can only make better choices from now on. You can keep on fighting. But you can keep on living too. It doesn’t have to be one or the other. I know it won’t be easy, but if there’s anyone who I trust to figure out how to do both, it’s you.”

 

Dick sighed, and for the first time in years, it felt like he could breathe again. It felt as if a great weight had been lifted off of his shoulders. 

 

Wally held his hand up between their chests for Dick to take. “I think this is where we say goodbye.” He said, sadly. “Are you ready?” 

 

Dick wasn’t sure he’d ever be ready. But he nodded his head regardless, clasping his friend’s hand tightly. For the last time, they pulled each other into a tight embrace. 

 

”Take care of her for me, ok?” Wally asked softly. There was no need to elaborate on who he was asking him to take care of.

 

“I will.” Dick promised.  
  
They released their hug, hands still clasped, eyes still locked onto each other. Wally nodded. His grip on Dick’s hand loosened.

 

Dick gave a soft nod in reply. 

 

And let go.

 

——————————————————————————————————————————

**Nanda Parbat**

**February 21st, 2017**

**10:01 NPT**

 

Dick woke up. 

 

It was a sudden and unexpected awakening, like coming out of an intense dream, and he was forced to gasp for breath as he came back to awareness. It was a struggle to remember where he was, and how he’d gotten there. 

 

He still couldn’t see, but for a different reason this time. When he’d been sealed in the room had been pitch black, but now it was lit up by the warm glow from four candles, one in each corner of the room. It would have been barely enough light to see by for any other person, but to his light deprived eyes, the radiance was almost blinding. 

 

He couldn’t move either, not with any real grace. His body, having lain still for so long, was stiff and sluggish. He lay unmoving, letting his eyes slowly adjust to the luminance while also shifting his body experimentally, slowly gaining control again. Finally, when he could open his eyes without stabbing pain, he tried to stand up.

 

And fell immediately. 

 

He landed with a grunt on his hands and knees.

 

Dick wasn’t just trying to control his body again, but also trying to comprehend what he’d seen, what he’d said, and what he’d heard. He thought of Wally. Was what he’d just gone through a hallucination? A glimpse of the afterlife? Something in between? He would probably never know.

 

The pain was still there, though. Almost in response to what he’d gone through it pulsed, knifing through his chest, making it impossible to stand. He’d never allowed himself the luxury of expressing it before. 

 

Not this time.

 

A single tear made its way down its cheek, hanging off the edge of his chin for a moment before falling. He touched a hand to his face, examining the wetness that he found on his fingertips with interest. It was a sensation that he hadn't felt in years. Several more tears had spilled out, joining the first one that had emerged in staining the wooden floor beneath him. 

 

Dick made a noise, something that was just short of a scream. It sounded like something was being ripped out from inside him. For the first time since his parents died, he held nothing back. There was no one but himself here, no one to be strong for and no one to keep safe from his fury, and so, he let everything go.

 

He sat back and screamed from the sorrow of having his friends and family die before his eyes. 

 

He howled from his rage, and because he knew there was nothing he could have done to stop it. 

 

He wept because he knew that all of it had been necessary, and because their sacrifices had been worth it, even if it was hard to remember sometimes. 

 

And when Dick was done, he got back up because it was who he was. He still had friends he needed to protect. He still had people he needed to save. He still had a life he needed to live. 

 

Dick pushed the door to his room open, and stepped back into the world beyond. 

 

 

 


	12. Return

 

 

**_Gotham City_ **

**_April 8th, 2006_ **

**_10:16 EST_ **

 

_“I’m sorry, Dick.” Mr.Wayne said to him._

 

_Dick didn’t respond. His eyes were locked on the last remaining coffin as it was slowly lowered into the earth. He knew he should be grateful to Mr.Wayne. After all, he’d covered the cost of the funeral arrangements, let Dick stay with him and his butler in their large mansion, and gotten him to the hospital in time to say goodbye to Uncle Rick before he died._

 

_But it was hard to feel anything but sad at the moment. The only family that he’d ever had was being buried right in front of him. Jack Haly and the other members of the Circus that he’d been born and raised in had come by to check on him, asked him how he was doing, but none of them understood._

 

_He was alone._

 

_If Mr.Wayne was offended by the lack of reaction, he didn’t show it. He watched Dick for a moment, before joining him in gazing at the five graves in front of them. At Dick’s own request, several workmen began to fill in the graves right then and there, rather than after he’d left._

 

_He wanted to be there as his family was buried._

 

_They worked quickly and efficiently, covering the coffins in dirt, filling in the five neat rectangles that had been excavated into the ground. Mr.Wayne and Alfred stayed with him. They all stood, silent and unmoving, as the burial was completed. It didn’t take long._

 

_Dick could have stayed longer. He wanted to, even after it was done, but Alfred stepped forward and took him gently by the hand after several minutes had passed. The butler’s hand was warm and comforting, and Dick squeezed it tightly. Alfred smiled down at him._

 

_“Come, Master Dick.” He said gently, though there was no disguising the sadness that colored his voice. Alfred gently pulled him away from the graves, leading him back towards the road where the cars had been parked. “There’s nothing left for you here.”_

 

_Dick allowed himself to be led away, even as he cast a backward glance at the graves. Mr.Wayne was following behind them, leaving the graves still and silent. Even though he wanted to stay, Dick knew the old butler was right. Tears began to form in his eyes, but he wiped them away surreptitiously with the sleeve of his coat._

 

_“Mr.Wayne?” Dick asked when he was done, finally looking up. Mr.Wayne quickened his pace so that he stood by Dick’s side as they walked._

 

_“Yes, Dick?” He replied. His face and voice were as stern as ever, but his eyes were sympathetic._

 

_“What will… what will happen to me now?”_

 

_Mr.Wayne looked down at him, then glanced up at Alfred, before returning his gaze to the boy. “Alfred, would you get the car ready please?”_

 

_“Sir.” Alfred gave a slight bow. He let go of Dick’s hand and moved off ahead towards the car, waiting to take them back to the manor.._

 

_Dick found himself missing the gentle warmth of the butler’s hand around his own, but before he could lament its absence too much, Mr.Wayne reached down and took the hand that Alfred had left free._

 

_The grip was strong, much stronger than Alfred’s had been. It felt like Mr.Wayne could have crushed his hand with the barest of effort, so the gentleness with which he gripped Dick’s hand was strangely comforting. Despite the firmness, Mr.Wayne’s hand was just as warm as Alfred’s had been._

 

_And like Alfred’s, it was just as welcome._

 

_He clutched to it tightly as they walked, though their pace slowed as Mr.Wayne spoke. “Before he died, your uncle asked me to take care of you.” Mr.Wayne said, watching Dick’s face for any reaction. Dick was slightly surprised, but in hindsight, it made sense. Uncle Rick had asked him to stand outside while he spoke to Mr.Wayne. Now he knew what they’d been discussing._

 

_Mr. Wayne had returned his gaze to the path ahead of them. “I know what you’re going through, Dick. It isn’t easy.”_

 

_Since they hadn’t interacted much in the days since Mr.Wayne had picked him up off the circus floor, Dick couldn’t say that he knew him all that well. From what he’d seen of his mysterious benefactor, Mr. Wayne’s voice and face never changed that often. The only clue Dick had to the man’s thoughts were his eyes, and from the distant look he had in them now, Dick could have sworn Mr.Wayne looked… sad._

 

_As quickly as the look entered his eyes, it was gone._

 

_Mr.Wayne lowered his gaze to meet Dick’s once again. “But it will get better for you. I promise.”_

 

_Alfred was holding the car door open for the both of them as they reached the surface of the road. As they reached the threshold of the car’s interior, Mr.Wayne knelt down so that their eyes were level, and took him by the shoulders. “No matter how long it takes, you will always have a home, with us.”_

 

_Dick crumpled forward, tears in his eyes as he wrapped his arms around Mr.Wayne’s torso._

 

_Mr.Wayne stiffened in surprise, as if he hadn’t been expecting the gesture from the young boy. After a moment’s shock, his arms moved almost unconsciously, clutching the young boy tightly. "You're going to be ok, Dick. You're going to be ok."_

_———————————————————————————————————————_

**Gotham City**

**February 27th, 2017**

**14:20 EST**

 

“Welcome back.” Bruce said, a faint smile on his face as he held his arms outstretched in welcome. 

 

“Thanks.” Dick smiled as he stepped forward into the embrace, returning his adoptive father’s gentle hug with a vigorous one of his own. “It’s good to be back.”

 

“Alfred, good to see you.” He said after he’d finished hugging Bruce, moving to wrap his arms around the ever faithful butler. 

 

Alfred smiled as Dick squeezed. “Likewise, Master Dick.”

 

“Thanks for coming to meet me.” Dick said, as they all piled into the car. He was genuinely touched by the gesture, but he wasn’t surprised: it was the small things that showed Bruce cared. 

 

Alfred stepped on the gas, gently guiding the Rolls-Royce off the tarmac and onto the highway that led to Gotham City and Wayne Manor.

 

It had taken him two days to recover from his ordeal, during which time he’d called Bruce to tell him he was on his way back, and said his goodbyes to Lama Norbu and the rest of the monks he’d befriended at Nanda Parbat. 

 

Another three days were spent hiking to a relatively flat area where a helicopter could pick him up and take him back to Kathmandu. One more in order to get his things together and board the private plane Bruce had chartered for him back to Gotham.

 

“Does anyone else know I’m back?” Dick asked.

 

“No.” Bruce said. “I figured you’d want to tell them yourself.”

 

Bruce knew him well. It was true. He did want to tell them himself. 

 

“Tim at school?”

 

Bruce nodded, expecting the question. “Alfred will drop me off at the office before picking him up from school and taking the two of you home.”

 

Home. The thought brought a smile to Dick’s face. 

 

He and Bruce spoke for a while, discussing what had happened in their respective lives during Dick’s absence, though both of them refrained from delving too deep into any single topic. It wasn’t a question of reticence on either of their parts: they both knew the real catch up session would come later in the evening, at dinner.

 

It was only once the car arrived at Wayne Tower that Bruce gave voice to the question that Dick knew had been on his mentor’s mind since he’d called a few days ago. “Dick, are you sure you’re ready to come back? It hasn’t even been a year yet. You barely had any time to be you.”

 

Dick shrugged. “I’m meant to be here, Bruce. Here to stop the bad guys. Here for you, my friends, and anyone else who needs me. That’s who I am. That’s who you helped me become. There will be good days, and there will be bad days, but I’ll deal with them either way.” 

 

The smile on Dick’s face was slightly sad, but no less genuine for it. “I’m all in. And I always will be.”

  
Their eyes met, the contact lasting no more than a second. Dick could see the silent determinations being made in Bruce’s mind, trying to figure out if his son really was ready to join the fight again. 

 

Bruce nodded, judgement made. “I’ll see you tonight.” He moved to exit the car.

 

“Bruce.” Dick said, stopping his mentor short. Bruce looked back over his shoulder, one foot already out the door. “I know I tried to show it over the years, but I can’t remember if I’ve ever actually said it to you.”

 

Bruce’s expression was as puzzled as he’d ever seen it. “Said what?” He asked.  


“Thank you.” Dick said simply. “For everything.”

 

Bruce smiled. The expression stayed on his face as he stepped outside and closed the door.

 

Dick watched his mentor step inside Wayne Tower before the car pulled away, heading towards Gotham Academy. “Thank you too, Alfred.”

 

Alfred spared him a a quick glance in the car’s rear view mirror. “It’s been my honor and privilege to help raise you sir.” The old butler smiled faintly as he concentrated on maneuvering the car through Gotham’s streets. “This should be a pleasant surprise for Master Tim.”

 

Dick sat back, smiling. “Yeah.”

 

It was indeed a pleasant surprise for Tim, when they arrived at Gotham Academy almost 20 minutes later. 

 

Tim had just finished waving goodbye to a couple of his classmates by the main gate when he caught sight of Dick and Alfred standing in front of the car, which was parked by the curb. 

 

Alfred, as always, was the very picture of English refinement and poise, standing with his back ramrod straight, hands clasped in front of him as he waited for Tim to make his way over. 

 

In contrast, Dick leaned back against the car casually, one arm braced against the roof as he watched Tim with an amused smile. 

 

“Dick!” Tim exclaimed, prompting a few puzzled stares from his fellow GA students as he ran forward to the car. 

 

“Hey Tim.” Dick’s reply was quieter, but his smile was just as big as Tim came to a stop in front of him. “C’mere.” He said as he pulled Tim into a tight hug, squeezing as tightly as he could. 

 

Tim couldn’t escape from the bear hug, at least not without causing a scene by using some advanced martial arts, and so he was forced to endure it. 

 

Dick laughed and ruffled his little brother’s hair as he let go, only to frown as he realized that something about the action felt different from what his muscle memory remembered. He mentally compared the little brother he remembered to the slightly less little brother in front of him. It took less than a second for him to realize what the difference was. “Did you get taller?”

 

Tim’s only reply was a small smirk. 

 

Dick smiled back before hopping into the back of the car, where Tim joined him. “Alfred! Take us home!” Dick called to the front of the car. “I need to see if the little squirt has picked up anything while I’ve been gone.”

 

Alfred smiled to himself softly, content with the world, and his place in it as he pulled the car away from the curb and started heading back towards Wayne Manor. 

 

“I have two questions for you.” Dick said, turning to face Tim. “First, how’s school? And second…” he added, anticipatory amusement twinkling in his eyes. “How’s your love life?”

————————————————————————————————————

**Wayne Manor**

**17:25 EST**

 

“Any clue what Tim wants?” Artemis asked as they followed the footpath towards Wayne Manor, examining the text that she’d received on her phone again. 

 

“No idea.” Barbara shrugged as she walked alongside Artemis. 

 

They’d both gotten the same strange text from the current boy wonder, asking them to come have dinner at the manor, but stressing that the invitation was unimportant, and that they could bail if they had other plans. 

 

The fact that they’d received their messages from Tim was not in itself unusual.Bruce usually used Tim to communicate with both Barbara and Artemis while they were in Gotham, much to Tim’s chagrin. Barb would never openly try and pry Dick’s location out of Bruce, but the same couldn’t be said for her efforts towards his young protege. 

 

“Maybe Bruce wants us to cover Gotham while he goes off on a solo mission somewhere.” Artemis mused, tucking her phone away into her pants pocket as they reached the front entrance of the Manor.

 

“Wouldn’t he have just told us in a Watchtower briefing?” Barbara replied as she rang the doorbell. “Why invite us for dinner?”  


Their discussion was interrupted as the front door opened.

  
“Miss Gordon. Miss Crock. Welcome.” Alfred said, bowing as he stepped aside to let them into the Manor. “May I take your coats?”

 

“Thanks Alfred.” They said in unison.

 

Both girls passed their heavy winter jackets over to the butler, who indicated that they should proceed with a wave of his arm. “Master Tim awaits you in the main gymnasium.”

 

They made their way towards the aforementioned wing of the Manor as Alfred hung their coats in the foyer’s closet. Having visited the Manor several times over the years in order to utilize its training facilities, which Bruce had made clear they were welcome to use, both knew the way by heart. 

 

There were actually three gyms present on the Wayne estate: a strength/free-weights training gym, a open gymnastics/sparring gym, and an indoor area that could be turned configured into anything from a volleyball to a basketball court. All of that was in addition to the actual basketball court and tennis courts that were outside the house. 

 

They found Tim in the third gym, dripping with sweat as he tried to rush towards the basket with the ball. 

 

He wasn’t alone. As Tim leapt for a shot, a familiar figure jumped up to block him, snatching the ball away from the 15 year old with a triumphant grunt of exertion. 

 

“Dick!” Artemis cried in surprise, rushing forward to embrace her dear friend. Barbara followed along in her wake, a mix of surprise, happiness, and hesitance on her face.

 

“Hey Artemis!” Dick said happily. He passed the ball to Tim as Artemis ran at him. “I’d give you a hug, but I’m all sweaty. I was gonna shower before you guys got here, but I lost track of time.”

 

Artemis’ face scrunched slightly in disgust, but then she shrugged. “It’s worth it.” She said, encircling his torso with her arms. His arms followed her example, wrapping around her shoulders. 

 

“Are you back?” She asked, face pressed against his chest, still holding tightly. They both knew that she didn’t just mean back in Gotham.

 

“I’m back.” He reassured her.

 

Artemis smiled as she gave him one final squeeze before letting go. Her smile turned into a frown as she realized she was covered in his sweat. There were several dark splotches on her sweater where it had been soaked through. “Ugh.”

 

She looked around for one of the towels that she knew Alfred stocked the gym with, but Barbara saved her the effort, tossing the archer one of the three that she’d snagged. She tossed the other two to Dick and Tim.

 

Dick wiped himself off quickly as Barbara stepped towards him. He realized that she was looking at him expectantly. It was her cool, calculating expression, the one that had always made him nervous, even when they’d been back in junior high together. 

 

They stood apart a few steps from each other, gazes locked, each waiting for the other to break the silence. Dick broke first. “Hey Barb. I’m sorry that things ended the way they did.” He said sheepishly, not meeting her eyes. 

 

He fidgeted with the towel that she’d tossed him. “Do you think we could start over? Go back to being friends again?”  


Barbara didn’t respond immediately. 

 

Slowly, her expression unchanged, she crossed the distance between them, standing so close that their chests were almost touching. Dick was forced to meet her eyes again. He braced himself for the slap to the face he knew was coming… 

 

And was surprised when she hugged him instead.

  
“Did you really think we couldn’t?” She whispered, tears of joy forming in her eyes as she clutched one of her dearest and oldest friends to herself. “I’m so happy you’re back.”

 

————————————————————————————————————

**The Watchtower**

**20:08 PM EST**

 

Zatanna ran down the Watchtower’s corridors as fast as she could. Artemis had only texted her two words, but those words were laden with meaning: _He’s back._

 

She’d gotten the text the same instant that Batgirl had spoken over the Watchtower PA system, requesting that any members of the Team present gather together in the main hall in 10 minutes. It had taken her all of two seconds to realize what was going on. 

 

Trust a former boy wonder to make his return in front of an audience, and with a flourish. 

 

Zatanna had sprinted from her room on the Watchtower, making a beeline straight for where she knew he’d be: in the Watchtower’s memorial garden. He stood, masked and clad in his armor, arms crossed as he stood in front of Wally’s hologram. 

 

The expression on Dick’s face surprised her slightly. Every other time she’d caught him standing amongst the holograms of their fallen, he’d been brooding. Even without M’gann’s powers, she’d felt the cold anger and barely contained anguish radiating off of him in waves. This time, there was none of that. 

 

This time, as Dick looked upon Wally’s image hovering above him, he was smiling. It was a sad smile, obviously wistful, but a smile nonetheless. 

 

Zatanna leapt at Dick, hurling her arms around his neck. Dick had heard her coming, of course, and had been in the process of turning to greet her when she hit him. The impact was much more forceful than she’d originally intended, but she wasn’t embarrassed at showing the relief she felt at having him back. She’d spent the last few months worrying about him, wondering if she’d made the right decision in letting him go off on his own. 

 

There was enough momentum to knock him off balance, though being the master martial artist he was, he could have regained it easily. On a whim, he decided not to, laughing as he let them both fall backwards onto the soft grass underneath them. 

 

“I missed you so much.” She whispered, clutching him tightly, her face nestled against the crook of his neck.

  
Dick wrapped one arm around her waist and shifted her so that she was sitting across his lap, smiling as he did so. Once that was done, he scooted them both backwards till he could lean back against one of the trees that were around them.

 

“I missed you too Zee.” He said, using his free hand to brush some loose strands of hair back from her face and tuck them behind her ear. Her almost always perfect hair had been slightly knocked out of place when she’d bowled him over. 

 

Zatanna’s head didn’t move from where she’d buried it against him. Dick didn’t mind. Having her in his arms again felt indescribably right. They both stayed that way for a good minute or two before she could finally convince her body to unwrap her arms from around his neck. 

 

As she settled against him, she reached up towards his mask hesitantly, giving him plenty of time to stop her if he wanted to. He didn’t. 

 

Dick knew they were sitting in a blind spot for the security cameras around them, and he also knew that the only members of the Justice League on the Watchtower at the moment all already knew his secret identity. 

 

There were still members of the Team who didn’t know, but they were all being gathered upstairs by Barbara, so that he could surprise them all at once with his return from his prolonged leave of absence. 

 

Slowly, Zatanna peeled the mask off of his face, revealing his bright blue eyes. She smiled as she placed his mask in her lap. “Are you ok?”

 

Dick smiled down at her. “Not yet.” He said truthfully, looking up at the memorial hologram again. “But I will be. I’ll always miss him Zee, but…I feel alright. I feel like I can figure things out from here.”

 

Zatanna reached up and cupped the side of his face with her hand, slowly pulling his gaze back down to meet hers. “It’s too much to happen to just one person. Your family and then Jason and then this…" She glanced at Wally’s memorial before looking up at him sadly. “I don't know, Dick. I mean... what do you do?”

 

The question hung in the air between them for a moment. 

 

Just as she had, Dick glanced at Wally’s memorial one last time, a thoughtful expression on his face. He looked back at her and shrugged. “I was gonna go see a movie tomorrow.” He said casually. “Get a steak at that place we used to go to in New York.”

 

Zatanna’s smile brightened. “I could come.” She suggested playfully.

 

He smiled back, leaning in close to kiss her. “I’d like that.” He whispered.

 

Just as their lips were about to meet, the holographic computer on his arm chimed, signaling that he’d received a message from Barb. He pulled away and sighed, lifting his arm up so that it was level in front of his chest. The motion triggered the computer’s projector, putting the message on display. - ** _The Team’s all ready for you.- BG_**

 

“Duty calls.” He said, giving her a look that said _What can you do?_

 

Zatanna nodded understandingly, picking up his mask from her lap and moving to place it back on his face. 

 

“Wait.” She said, stopping just as the mask was about to adhere. Dick looked puzzled for all of half a second until she placed her hands on his face and pulled him into a long, open mouthed kiss. 

 

Dick stiffened in surprise, before giving an appreciative hum and settling into the kiss.

 

“For the one you missed on your birthday.” She said by way of explanation, her tone suggesting it was the most obvious and natural thing in the world. 

 

Dick laughed, carrying her weight easily as he stood up and deposited her on her feet. 

 

“Text me later?” Zatanna asked, pressing her fingers against the edges of his mask in order to make sure it had stuck to his face properly. Dick reached up to where her hands were and took them in his own. 

 

It was Zatanna’s turn to gasp in surprise as Dick’s lips descended on her own. Where her kiss had been long, his was quick, but no less passionate and caring for it.

 

Dick still held onto her hands as he stepped back. “Count on it.”

**_————————————————————————————————————_ **

**Bludhaven**

**February 28th, 2017**

**01:57 AM EST**

 

Suffice to say, Nightwing’s return to the Team was well received by all of its members. While Artemis, Barb, and Tim looked on with smiles on their faces, everyone welcomed him back jubilantly. The younger members greeted him with smiles and fist bumps, while the older members did the same with heartfelt hugs. Cassie, in a moment typical of her mythical exuberance and joy, had almost popped one of his ribs as she flew over and embraced him. 

 

He’d stayed long enough to tell them all they’d be seeing a lot more of him soon, and promise them that they’d hear the stories of his adventures while he’d been gone. Already, he was planning to meet up with Kaldur, Connor, M’gann, and all of his other friends on the Team, both individually and in groups, both in and out of costume.

 

Not just the Team either. He’d need to see Roy, see how fatherhood was treating his old friend. Send gifts and well wishes to Barry and Iris for successfully bringing a set of twins into the world. Congratulate Ollie and Dinah on their recent engagement.

 

But before all of that, he needed to have some fun. 

 

Batman and Robin had given him the tip at dinner. They’d been tracking a group of Penguin’s thugs who’d been smuggling weapons into Gotham via a warehouse on the docks. It would have been a routine bust for them, but now that he was back, it was the perfect opportunity for him to ease back into things. 

 

Sneaking up on the guards on the perimeter and taking them out one by one had been child’s play. Infiltrating the warehouse under the noses of the 20+ hoods shifting various illegal cargoes around was even easier. 

 

It took him all of two minutes to prepare things for what he had planned. From his perch on the warehouse’s interior rafters, he allowed himself a deep breathe of anticipation. Now all that was left was to take all the smugglers around him down carefully, with nuance.

 

With subtlety

 

With _style._

 

Without warning, he cackled. Microphones built into the neck of his suit picked up the sound and broadcasted it to the various speaker-batarangs he’d hidden everywhere as he snuck in. 

 

To the gang members moving around the warehouse, the silence of the night was suddenly filled with the sound of laughter. Every single one of them jumped, clutching their weapons tightly as they searched for the source of the noise.

 

“What the hell was that?” One of them yelled out frantically, searching the back of the warehouse in suspicion. 

 

“It’s the Bat!” Another called out in fear, his gun pointed straight up at the roof. 

 

Dick switched the broadcast mode of the speakers so that the only specific groups that he selected on different sides of the warehouse would make noise. 

 

“The good news is, I’m not the Batman.” All of the gang members swiveled where they stood, facing the cavernous warehouse entrance where he’d broadcasted his voice from uneasily. 

 

He selected the speakers he’d placed at the back of the warehouse and spoke again. “The bad news is, he and I share pretty similar opinions on smuggling weapons.” All of them swiveled again, but it was clear that fear was spreading amongst them. They cast fearful glances around themselves, trying to keep an eye on everything at once. 

 

Dick smiled. This was _almost_ fun.

 

Below him, one of the thugs, who was apparently in charge of the others, started yelling out orders. “Stick together, keep your eyes open. He ain’t taking us down.” 

 

With a simple push of a button on his vambrace mounted computer, Dick triggered the explosive charge he’d placed on the warehouse’s fusebox, plunging the entire area into darkness. The night vision provided by the lenses built into his mask with let him see the huddled groups of armed thugs cluster together, guns pointed outwards fearfully. 

 

He laughed once more as he jumped down into the largest group of them. “Wanna bet?” His voice whispered through the warehouse tauntingly. The pandemonium started. Yells of fear. Random flashes of gunfire. The sound of his sticks smashing against unprotected limbs and bare heads. 

 

Dick smiled as he fought, a genuine smile that spoke to his enjoyment of the fight, the knowledge that he was making a difference, and the absolute certainty that he was doing the right thing. 

 

It was good to be home. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Long is the way and hard, that out of Hell leads up to light."
> 
> Thanks to all the kind people who left Kudos and reviews on this, my first work. Please feel free to reach out: give me constructive criticism, story ideas, whatever you like. See you around.


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